Recently in Women's Empowerment Category

Last week, I held a free teleclass for women on the "5 Reasons You're Miserable at Work and What To Do About It," based on key findings from my national research with scores of working women across the country and my book Breakdown, Breakthrough.  More than 90 women signed up for the call, and they confirmed yet again what so many women have been unable able to say out loud until now, which is, "I'm unhappy at work, but I'm not sure exactly why or what to do about it!"

Whether you are a corporate professional, self-employed or in transition, if you need to find a different way to work, don't worry. Help is on the way!  And you're definitely not alone.

Below are what I've found to be the top five reasons so many women are dissatisfied and unfulfilled at work, along with concrete tips to revise your situation and change course today.

The top 5 reasons women are miserable at work are -

1. They find it impossible to balance work and family

2. They suffer from chronic financial distress
3. They struggle using skills and talents that aren't "natural" to them
4. They feel chronically undervalued and disrespected
5. They experience little joy or positive meaning in their work

If the above describes your experience, here are some tips to help you create an internal shift away from feeling trapped and disempowered, to feeling more confident, courageous and committed to making positive career change today. (And feel free to write me at Kathy@elliacommunications.com if you'd like a download of the recording of the call).

Tips for Positive Career Change:

1) Gain More Work-Life Balance

Balance is not going to just fall in your lap.  You have to claim it, and commit to getting it.  How?  First, determine the three most important priorities you are committed to achieving in your personal and in your professional life.  What are the three things that are vital to you to bring about -- that matter more than anything else?  Formulate these in terms of "to be" statements such as "to be a loving mother or "to be a successful entrepreneur" or "to be a helper of others."

Uncover the three top achievements that you are longing to bring about in your life and work and that you will not compromise on.  Then commit yourself to these.  Discover where you are over-functioning (doing more than is necessary, more than is healthy, and more than is appropriate) in your life, your family, and work, and let go of being perfect in the areas that don't matter as much to you.  Once you take these steps, you'll find that balance comes more easily to you, because you are being guided each day by the knowledge of what you want to create, and knowing you are 1000% committed to doing it.

2) Get Healthy with Your Money

To get out of chronic financial distress, you must become intimately connected with your money and begin to recognize your real intrinsic worth.  First, create a solid budget with strong financial goals, and stick to it.  Examine your spending - are you buying things in order to soothe your soul?  If so, stop over-spending.  Look at your beliefs around money that you learned as a child from living with your family.  Are your beliefs about money positive or negative, expansive or constricting? Do you believe you deserve wealth and abundance, or are you ashamed of the money you have or don't have?  Overall, the key to overcoming chronic financial distress is to heal your relationship with money through positive and healthy beliefs, actions, and choices.  Once you create a supportive money relationship, you will no longer stay in jobs that create financial distress or drain you of joy and energy.  You'll know your worth, and begin claiming it, on your professional path and otherwise.

3) Use Skills that Are Fun and Natural - 

It's vitally important to understand exactly what talents and skills are easy and fun for you to use, and then find a way (either in your existing job or in a new field or job) to tap these talents more frequently at work.  To get more in touch with what you love to do and what comes easily, take my free Career Path Assessment.  Figure out what you want to do more of, less of, and never again!  Often, what you love to do and what comes easily to you were apparent in your childhood, so start there.  What did you thoroughly enjoy as a kid that people noticed, admired and praised?  You might also realize in doing this exercise that just because you're great at a task or endeavor at work doesn't mean you like to do it!  The key to an easier and happier work-life is to use talents that come naturally and are fun to you, so that each day feels like a joy, not a struggle.

4) Claim Your Self-Respect

If you're chronically undervalued or mistreated at work and want people to change their treatment of you, you must start with SELF-respect.  How do you gain self-respect?  Through courageous action that inspires your own self-esteem - action that you know you should be taking, but haven't found the nerve to take.  Now's the time to become more authentic and real in your work. Speak up about who you are and what's important to you.  Make yourself right, not wrong.  If you know something needs to be communicated, figure out a way to do it as soon as possible.  Find an advocate or mentor at work to help you speak up in the right way so that you will be heard and respected for your viewpoint.  Start enforcing your boundaries so that you know exactly what you will tolerate and accept from others, and what you won't. 

5) Find Work that Gives Your Life Joy and Meaning

It's a myth in our culture that we can't make good money doing what we love.  However, it takes grit, determination, and courage to pursue a path that you love and to make it work for you financially.  If you want more joy and meaning -- and financial success at the same time -- determine what endeavors and activities make you joyful in your life, and begin today to bringing these forward.  The key is to understand 1) the essence of what you want, and then 2) find the right form of it. For instance, you might love to sing (as I do), and wonder if singing to earn money would make you happy.  To find out if a new path is right for you, research, research, research - interview people in the field, read all about the art and craft of singing professionally, take classes, find a mentor, and determine a way to "try it on' before you leap.  You might discover that earning money singing as a full-time living isn't for you, but you love to do on a part-time or hobby basis.  If that's the case, join a volunteer or community singing group each week, and honor this as a heart-aligned endeavor. 

If you discover that you want a different line of work from your current job, create a plan that allows you to 1) research thoroughly what you want to do, 2) "try it on" as a volunteer or on part-time basis, then 3) commit to moving toward this new path with a solid financial plan, support of family and friends (and a coach if you'd like one), along with a step-by-step blueprint for what it will take to reinvent your career.

The Ultimate Outcome - Joy!

It's up to you to create a career that you love, and you can do it!  Start today.  Let the top five reasons you're miserable at work be the catalyst you need to change your career and change your life.  Trust me on this one...once you step up to creating a career that excites you, you'll reach new heights you never thought possible. 

In speaking today with my fabulous digital strategy mentor Nettie Hartsock, we stumbled on an interesting concept, which is this...in the digital world, it's all about open contributing and sharing generously, giving of yourself freely.  It's also about shining a light on others -- pointing to the special brilliance and contribution of other colleagues and leading edge thinkers in a way that sustains and nurtures community, connection, learning and the global growth.

The underlying problem with this whole approach for so many small business owners, creatives, authors, consultants and entrepreneurs, is that this idea - this "movement," shall we say -- can feel in total opposition to how we've operated for years.  Giving of ourselves freely (without asking for or commanding money for own gifts, talents, and services), and pointing to the distinguished talents of others, can feel in sharp contrast to the ways we've achieved success (financial, emotional, and otherwise) in the past.  After all, our cultural worldview has, up until now, been about the individual hacking it out in the wilderness, and coming up with the bounty all by him/herself.

Thousands of individuals today have achieved fantastic results and accomplishments because of their intense and relentless focus on self - what they offer the world individually and uniquely that no one else can.  So the idea of a shift from a self-orientation to a community-orientation can be daunting, scary and confusing.  Giving away for free what folks have spent years honing and developing - the very thing that makes them different and sets them apart -- seems counterintuitive, or bad business, to many. 

Further, the ego - the part of the personality equation that is so often helpful in launching yourself powerfully in the world - can feel very threatened when we're being asked to shift away from self-centric endeavors to community-building endeavors.

As a business owner who helps other business owners, practitioners, authors, professionals, etc. make money doing what they love, I know that balance is essential to a passionate, powerful, and purposeful life and career.  Balance in all areas is vitally important - balance between work and family, between making great money and doing good in the world, AND balance between gratifying and sustaining your ego/individuality/self and supporting the growth of the world outside yourself.

These are not mutually exclusive endeavors, of course, though they can feel like they are.  People say to me, "I don't have one second to waste in my business.  Times are so hard.  I don't have time to blog and tweet and follow others.  I need to go out and make some money here!"

But finding a way to contribute openheartedly to the world WHILE sustaining and nurturing the self in a bountiful way is the key to a well-lived life and a successful business/career.

So to those who ask themselves, "Do I really have to participate in this online movement to grow my business?" I say this - giving and sharing of yourself - of your special knowledge, perspective, and wisdom -- gratifies your soul and also directly benefits your business and your career.  The return on investment (yes, that dreaded measure!) is clear.  Give of yourself generously to the world, and you will earn financial and emotional success in return.

As you develop your community through generous giving of yourself and to others, you build a tremendously powerful network of like-minded partners and supporters in this world - people who find what you have to offer extremely valuable and will share that knowledge with others. These supporters will help you grow your business endeavors by connecting you with new and wonderful folks who will gladly utilize (and pay for) your products, services and special talents, for the greater good of all involved.

Don't trust me?  Take my challenge:

Kathy's challenge:  For three months, participate more fully (in specific, concrete ways) in the social media movement.  Create a blog, share a newsletter, complete your LinkedIn profile, ask for recommendations on LinkedIn and give others a great recommendation, tweet about others' fantastically interesting viewpoints - share freely and openly your wisdom and perspective. (Here are mine, for some samples: blog, newsletter, LinkedIn profile, Twitter). 

Then measure what you get in return.  If you don't see a return that blows your mind, let me know.  I'll send you a free copy of my book Breakdown Breakthrough if you take my challenge.  Write to Kathy@elliacommunications.com to participate and for details.

"See" you soon!

I recently penned a cover article called "Women in Today's Workforce Have Unique Opportunities: A New Call to Action for Women - And Employers" (see page 20-24) for CA Employer, the monthly newsletter of Employers Group (www.employersgroup.com). 

The article shares critical information about the 12 common crises working women face today, as well as 8 recommended approaches for employers to take that will help women not only survive the current challenges they face, but ultimately thrive in their professional roles.  These recommendations are based on six years of research with professional women, as well as coaching and seminar work with thousands.

I'd love to hear your views about this article, and my recommendations.  Do your personal experiences as a working woman match the crises and challenges I describe?  And do you believe that the initiatives recommended would go the distance in helping you as a working woman overcome your challenges effectively?  If not, what would you suggest employers do - specifically and tactically - to support women in overcoming the obstacles they face.

Please share your experiences, insights and viewpoints.  Add your voice to the discussion, and your recommendations to the research.  Diversity of thinking is so vital today, and a real, authentic, and contemporary dialogue about what career women are facing is needed.

What should you do if you've been harshly demeaned or criticized for your thoughts and views?

Here are five tips that have helped me tremendously as an author, speaker, and women's advocate, to weather the storm of criticism, and come out on the other side feeling whole and confident:

1)       Remember, what people say is more about them than you

I learned in my therapy training that what comes out of someone's mouth is more about them than you.  Much more.  Their views and words represent (and project) their years of cultural training, experience, upbringing, traumas, lessons, and biases (as well as their insights and wisdom based on their unique filter and history).  So remember that each individual has a custom-tailored view of life that may or may not fit your own.  It doesn't have to.

2)       People who attack you are coming from a deeply fearful place

When someone attacks you verbally, they are coming from a deeply insecure and frightened place.  They've been rocked by what you've said and done, and feel they need to put you down.  Take a look at what you've said (and how you've said it) that may have instigated a defensive stance from someone else.  But remember that you don't have to own how they respond to you.

3)       When someone wants to make you wrong for your beliefs, they often feel threatened by your out-of-the box thinking

I've noticed that when I present thinking that is different from the status-quo, it can lead to a harsh challenge.  Presenting views that ask others to question how things have been done for years, or shed light on trends or behaviors that need to be critically examined and revised, can ruffle people's feathers.  They feel threatened that you want to expose something they'd prefer to remain hidden.  So be it.  But don't let that stop you.

4)       Narcissists in our world abound

Narcissism is rampant in our society (those of you who live and work with one know what I mean!).  A narcissistic individual can't tolerate being challenged, and needs to make you wrong if you disagree with them.  They'll go to tremendous lengths to "prove" they are right (and superior).  If you have a narcissist in your life or work, you feel you can't express yourself without being punished.  Pay attention to those who harshly criticize you for your different views - if they have narcissistic tendencies, realize that you can't win with them.  Don't engage, as it will prove only a lose/lose endeavor.  Just protect (and extract) yourself best you can from their harmful way of thinking and behaving.

5)       Finally, use it as a growth opportunity 

Stand up for what you believe in.  When others don't agree with you, don't doubt yourself and make yourself wrong.  Get connected to what you truly believe in, strengthen your boundaries, learn to deal effectively with rebukes, and remain steady in who you are and what you believe. 

But at the same time, use this criticism for your own learning and growth.  If your words have been hurtful and diminishing to others, perhaps it's time to look at what may be longing to be healed or addressed inside of you.  Reconnect to compassion, understanding, and inclusion in your thoughts and words (and in your relationship with yourself and others).  Our world needs much less judgment, criticism, and pain, and much more love, strength, compassion, inclusiveness, and respect.

This past Monday, I co-facilitated a stimulating seminar in Greenwich, CT with a colleague of mine and a great financial advisor, on Keys to Successful Career Transition: Personal and Financial Steps to Take in Times of Change, and something very powerful occurred. 

The group of women who attended - 8 in total - not only found a unique forum in which to openly share and explore their situations, but several of them were moved immediately afterwards to make dramatic changes in their lives, to take steps they'd dream of for months (even years), and also offer help to the other women who had attended.

I see this phenomenon frequently - women may feel completely stuck and alone ("broken down" as I call it) in their problems, but when they make the commitment to take a small step to help themselves - for instance, to attend a seminar or become "teachable" about what they could do to create movement in their lives - everything shifts.

Further, many women who choose to embark on the work necessary to create breakthrough in their own lives find themselves compelled to help others do the same.  Coming together in groups - whether it's for support, networking, or learning - unleashes beautiful longings, dreams, and visions in women.  Community, authentic sharing and being open to learning are the keys to growth.

If you're longing for breakthrough in your life, take a step today.  Find a group to participate in - a networking group, a class, a seminar, whatever appeals -- and bring your open heart and your beginner's mind to the experience.  A positive and powerful shift for you will occur there, if you embrace the possibility.

If you've dabbled with the idea of creating your own community group, I hope you'll consider it seriously then take action.  If you long to do it, you're meant to do it.  Please feel free to download my free Breakthrough Group Study Guide (based on my book Breakdown, Breakthrough), which will get you on your way to forming and facilitating a powerful community of like-minded women whom you can learn from, and support, to make the career and life changes you dream of.  And feel free to write me at Kathy@elliacommunications.com if the inner coach in you dreams of moving forward, and you need a bit of help to start.

Please take the step now - find or build your own community of women who are ready to create breakthrough today.

Yesterday I was speaking with a good friend about an experience I have that I call a spiritual "allergic" reaction.  This intense reaction makes me feel off-center, exhausted, and downright lousy, when I get it.  It's physical, but also occurs in another dimension of my experience. At first, years ago, I wasn't sure what it was.  "Am I getting a cold, or did I eat something bad?" I used to wonder.

Now I know exactly what it is...it's my body and my spirit telling me that what I'm doing-- how I'm seeing things, or the way I'm reacting and behaving - is damaging or limiting me in some way, and I need to stop and reverse course, now.

I've had this reaction on more than a number of occasions recently, when I've been feeling out of control and eliciting too much outside advice (and not listening to myself), or when I've needed to embrace a "beginner's mind" and stop being a know-it-all (a habit of mine that's quite annoying, to me and others).   I've had an allergic reaction also to my lack of forgiveness or acceptance of someone or something--or of myself--and when I've needed to shout my mouth and stop giving advice to those who simply didn't ask for it.  These "allergic" reactions help me point myself in a new direction, and allow me to realize again that I can't fix things or control what's outside of my purview.

I'm deeply grateful for my specific brand of allergic reaction, because it tells me I need to revise my thinking and actions to feel better, and live better.  Once I make the necessary shift, I do feel better, and life and work goes much more smoothly and joyfully, for that week at least.

What's your spiritual allergic reaction look and feel like?  And what is it telling you about what needs to be shifted or addressed in your life and work?  

Greetings!  Just got word that my case study written for The Hot Mommas Project (see www.hotmommasproject.org) is one of the most popular in the young adult judging panel selections!   I'm thrilled to know that my personal and professional story---fraught as it is with bumps, tribulations and crises, and finally with fulfillment and joy--can be of help and interest to young adults.  Happiness is.... 

Check out the Hot Mommas Project blog and my case study, and write your own!  Women of all generations are waiting to hear and learn from you.