Recently in Support for Change Category

Today I read a great blog post by Peter Shankman - a well-known entrepreneur, author, speaker, and "worldwide connector," about his recent tweet that said this:

I love this message, and I completely understand where Peter is coming from.  I also love that Peter commands $400 an hour, and is not ashamed to state it openly.

Scores of folks agreed with Peter - more than 100 people retweeted his message, supporting it with gusto.  But at least one woman REALLY didn't like what she read.  In her blog post about it, she indicated that she thought Peter had grown too big for his britches with his social media fame and that he was, in fact, arrogant and rude to tweet this. 

After reading Peter's blog response to her and hers back, I'm still not 100% clear what she thought was rude and arrogant.  But I think it's about 1) his stating that he won't help folks for free, and 2) that he commands $400 an hour (much more than what many people can charge and what many people can pay) and wasn't shy to express that.

Peter's blog response clarified his thoughts on the whole matter, and after reading his message, I liked him even more!

So here are my two cents on this issue:

1) I have been inundated this past year with requests - from organizations, individuals, agencies, women's groups and colleagues -- for all types of FREE coaching and consulting help, and frankly, I'm tired of it.

2) Bravo to Peter Shankman for charging $400/hour, and having clients clamor for him, and pay that fee happily, because they feel he's worth it

3) Bravo to Peter for telling it like it is for him, out loud and proud

4) For those who are uncomfortable with that, I'd suggest taking a deep look inside to identify exactly what makes you squeamish about it.  I'd guess it has do with that fact that a) you don't command those fees and can't imagine doing so, or b) you're asking all sorts of people for free help without offering to give something back, or c) you're giving all sorts of free help, and you're tired of it, or d) you're uncomfortable in the presence of people who know their worth and aren't hesitant to shout it from the rooftops.

Today was a turning point for me on this issue.  I've decided (after one final straw that really got my goat) that this is my last day of giving my time away for free for my consulting or coaching.  I'm done with it!  My services, my time, my insights, my approach, my talents  - they've all come hard-earned after years of training, hard work, research, and dedication, and I'm done with devaluing them by giving them away for free.  Of course, I'll continue as I always have contributing pro bono work to the community as I choose to, where I choose to -- to special agencies and organizations that empower women and support those in need and who are disadvantaged.

But in my private practice, I'm committed to being vigilant about maintaining a healthy pricing discipline (very hard for women to do, in general, I've found).  After all, you don't walk into a car dealership wanting a shiny new car and ask to pay nothing for it, do you?  And you don't go to your dermatologist and say, "Hey, can I pick your brain FOR FREE about this terrible itchy rash I have?"

OK, folks, it's time we stop asking for free handouts.  Whatever you want to call it -- "pick your brain," "get your insights," "obtain your feedback" -- if you're asking me to use my consulting and coaching skills to help your business and your career, I'm respectfully asking for what I believe is only fair and just - to be paid what I deserve for helping you make the significant positive changes you want most in your life, work, and your business.

I'm sure this will stir up many thoughts and feelings in my readers and community.  I'd LOVE to hear them all!  Please share freely.  Let it rip.  That's what makes a good horse race, as my mother used to say.

Thanks for sharing openly below.  I'm looking forward to reading each of your comments and hearing your diverse views.

And here's to empowering you to up your daily dose of pricing discipline as well.

What are the easiest ways to spot an ineffective career coach who won't be helpful in moving you forward? 

This week I heard from a lovely woman in another state who shared with me a story about a career coach she hired this year.  This coach, in the end, was of no help at all.  I have to say, if I've heard this once, I've heard it one hundred times.

The coach had her take a battery of expensive assessment tests, and the results showed that she was in the perfect job for herself.  The problem is, she's very unhappy in this profession of 30 years, and wants out (for a variety of well-founded reasons).  He also told her that due to her age (she's in late midlife), she'll have a hard time reinventing and finding a new job.  Wow, thanks a lot for the motivation and inspiration, sir!  While it's certainly true that reinventing in midlife has it deep challenges (I should know), where there's a will, there's a way.

I experienced a similar thing 10 years ago with a career counselor I hired.  At 40 years old, I felt sick, miserable, and depressed at my current line of work and job, which was marketing and product management for a leading membership services organization.  I had been in membership services for years, and lost all interest in it. I deeply longed for a new career direction, but couldn't figure out what to do.

After hundreds of dollars, several meetings, and a series of standardized assessment tests, the career counselor said, "Well, looks like your current job is perfect for you and meets all your needs." 

Are you kidding???  If it met all my needs, why do I want to poke my eye out with a stick!  Why do I hate it so much, and why am I "breaking down" from the stress, exhaustion, crushing competition, and lack of connection to my work?

The reason he arrived at the conclusion that my job was right for me involved his constricted perspective - an inability to think expansively about his client's potential and capabilities.  He was looking only at the person I projected at that moment, and taking into account my outwardly-stated needs, skills, and priorities, without looking at my potential.  It's understandable that I -- the client -- would have a limited perspective.  After all, it's natural to feel limited and blocked when we're stuck in a negative situation.  But for the career coach to be stuck with me in this limited view?  That's just bad coaching.

What I needed was a breakthrough - a "paradigm shift" that would allow me to see how much more I was capable of than my current views and experiences allowed.

How did the coaching process go wrong? 

The career coach and assessment tests I took identified my professional needs and talents as:

-       Wanting flexibility, family time, high pay

-       Avoiding extensive travel

-       Utilizing my well-honed marketing skills

-       Writing, copywriting, editing

-       Generating ideas and implementing new marketing strategies

-       Being creative - developing new products and enhancements

-       Leading/managing others successfully

-       Managing projects and budgets

-       Building client relationships

-       Nurturing ideas to fruition

-       Re-engineering and streamlining processes for greater efficacy

The thing he missed was that, while I was indeed tapping into various talents and skills I possess, I was pointing them in the wrong direction!  The work I was focused on felt absolutely meaningless to me - or worse - harmful to the community and world.  To me, what we were selling lacked any contributive value.  The sole point of my job was to sell membership services and to make money - regardless of whether these services were truly needed or beneficial in people's lives.

My career coach missed the most important aspect of what I wanted in my working life - to feel good about what I'm doing!

This coach also missed exploring three vital dimensions to a joyful and successful life and career:

-       Standards of integrity - HOW you want to live and work - the process of living, not just the content of it  (check out Maria Nemeth's book The Energy of Money for more about this!)

-       Life intentions - WHAT you want to create and give in my life, when all is said and done

-       Life purpose - THE UNIQUE PURPOSE of your life on this planet at this time

Career coaches who don't touch on the above aren't going to be successful for you. They disregard the most important dimensions of your career. 

My view is this - we did not come here on this planet at this time SIMPLY to pay the mortgage.  Yes, we must pay our bills, and handle our finances responsibly and accountably, but each of us is much more than a bank account.  We have talents, needs, perspectives, experiences, longings and gifts that coalesce into a special amalgam - the essence of you and what you want to give through your professional identity and endeavors.

So the next time you are looking for a career coach, please do me a favor...check out exactly what he/she will be helping you achieve - is it a new job that fits outwardly but leaves you feeling cold and depressed?  Or is it a career/job that you can sink your teeth into, that brings you passion, power, and purpose, and lets you connect with the most expansive version of yourself, each and every day?

And don't let a career coach work on your resume and social media profiles WITHOUT knowing who you really are on the inside, and what you care to give and be in the world.  If you create a new resume and direction without understanding and honoring the essence of you, you'll waste precious time and money.  Trust me on this one!

Share your stories!

I'd LOVE to hear from you about this issue.  Have you also had disappointing experiences with career coaches?  If so, what did they miss or how did they steer you wrong?  And on the contrary, have you had great experiences with a career coach?  Please comment here about what you've learned, so others can benefit from your experiences! Thanks SO much for your feedback.

Here's to a breakthrough this summer that brings you to the professional life you long for!

About the Author:

Kathy Caprino, M.A., is a nationally-recognized women's career and executive coach, speaker, and author of Breakdown, Breakthrough: The Professional Woman's Guide to Claiming a Life of Passion, Power, and Purpose.  Founder/President of Ellia Communications, Inc. -- a career and work-life coaching company dedicated to helping women achieve breakthrough to create life and work as they truly want it, Caprino is a trained psychotherapist, seasoned career coach, and sought-after writer and speaker on women's issues.  She is a popular blogger on women's career topics and trends, and as a top media source, she has appeared in more than 100 leading newspapers and magazines and on national radio and television.  Her current national research study focuses on Women Succeeding Abundantly, and explores the key actions, beliefs, and choices made by women of all ages who are creating tremendous success and fulfillment in their lives and careers, thriving and living joyfully on their own terms. 

For more information, visit www.elliacommunications.com or write to Kathy at Kathy@elliacommunications.com.

Last week, I held a free teleclass for women on the "5 Reasons You're Miserable at Work and What To Do About It," based on key findings from my national research with scores of working women across the country and my book Breakdown, Breakthrough.  More than 90 women signed up for the call, and they confirmed yet again what so many women have been unable able to say out loud until now, which is, "I'm unhappy at work, but I'm not sure exactly why or what to do about it!"

Whether you are a corporate professional, self-employed or in transition, if you need to find a different way to work, don't worry. Help is on the way!  And you're definitely not alone.

Below are what I've found to be the top five reasons so many women are dissatisfied and unfulfilled at work, along with concrete tips to revise your situation and change course today.

The top 5 reasons women are miserable at work are -

1. They find it impossible to balance work and family
2. They suffer from chronic financial distress
3. They struggle using skills and talents that aren't "natural" to them
4. They feel chronically undervalued and disrespected
5. They experience little joy or positive meaning in their work

If the above describes your experience, here are some tips to help you create an internal shift away from feeling trapped and disempowered, to feeling more confident, courageous and committed to making positive career change today. (And feel free to write me at Kathy@elliacommunications.com if you'd like a download of the recording of the teleclass).

Tips for Positive Career Change:

1) Gain More Work-Life Balance

Balance is not going to just fall in your lap.  You have to claim it, and commit to getting it.  How?  First, determine the three most important priorities you are committed to achieving in your personal and in your professional life.  What are the three things that are vital to you to bring about -- that matter more than anything else?  Formulate these in terms of "to be" statements such as "to be a loving mother or "to be a successful entrepreneur" or "to be a helper of others."

Uncover the three top achievements that you are longing to bring about in your life and work and that you will not compromise on.  Then commit yourself to these.  Discover where you are over-functioning (doing more than is necessary, more than is healthy, and more than is appropriate) in your life, your family, and work, and let go of being perfect in the areas that don't matter as much to you.  Once you take these steps, you'll find that balance comes more easily to you, because you are being guided each day by the knowledge of what you want to create, and knowing you are 1000% committed to doing it.

2) Get Healthy with Your Money

To get out of chronic financial distress, you must become intimately connected with your money and begin to recognize your real intrinsic worth.  First, create a solid budget with strong financial goals, and stick to it.  Examine your spending - are you buying things in order to soothe your soul?  If so, stop over-spending.  Look at your beliefs around money that you learned as a child from living with your family.  Are your beliefs about money positive or negative, expansive or constricting? Do you believe you deserve wealth and abundance, or are you ashamed of the money you have or don't have?  Overall, the key to overcoming chronic financial distress is to heal your relationship with money through positive and healthy beliefs, actions, and choices.  Once you create a supportive money relationship, you will no longer stay in jobs that create financial distress or drain you of joy and energy.  You'll know your worth, and begin claiming it, on your professional path and otherwise.

3) Use Skills that Are Fun and Natural

It's vitally important to understand exactly what talents and skills are easy and fun for you to use, and then find a way (either in your existing job or in a new field or job) to tap these talents more frequently at work.  To get more in touch with what you love to do and what comes easily, take my free Career Path Assessment.  Figure out what you want to do more of, less of, and never again!  Often, what you love to do and what comes easily to you were apparent in your childhood, so start there.  What did you thoroughly enjoy as a kid that people noticed, admired and praised?  You might also realize in doing this exercise that just because you're great at a task or endeavor at work doesn't mean you like to do it!  The key to an easier and happier work-life is to use talents that come naturally and are fun to you, so that each day feels like a joy, not a struggle.

4) Claim Your Self-Respect

If you're chronically undervalued or mistreated at work and want people to change their treatment of you, you must start with SELF-respect.  How do you gain self-respect?  Through courageous action that inspires your own self-esteem - action that you know you should be taking, but haven't found the nerve to take.  Now's the time to become more authentic and real in your work. Speak up about who you are and what's important to you.  Make yourself right, not wrong.  If you know something needs to be communicated, figure out a way to do it as soon as possible.  Find an advocate or mentor at work to help you speak up in the right way so that you will be heard and respected for your viewpoint.  Start enforcing your boundaries so that you know exactly what you will tolerate and accept from others, and what you won't. 

5) Find Work that Gives Your Life Joy and Meaning

It's a myth in our culture that we can't make good money doing what we love.  However, it takes grit, determination, and courage to pursue a path that you love and to make it work for you financially.  If you want more joy and meaning -- and financial success at the same time -- determine what endeavors and activities make you joyful in your life, and begin today to bringing these forward.  The key is to understand 1) the essence of what you want, and then 2) find the right form of it. For instance, you might love to sing (as I do), and wonder if singing to earn money would make you happy.  To find out if a new path is right for you, research, research, research - interview people in the field, read all about the art and craft of singing professionally, take classes, find a mentor, and determine a way to "try it on' before you leap.  You might discover that earning money singing as a full-time living isn't for you, but you love to do on a part-time or hobby basis.  If that's the case, join a volunteer or community singing group each week, and honor this as a heart-aligned endeavor. 

If you discover that you want a different line of work from your current job, create a plan that allows you to 1) research thoroughly what you want to do, 2) "try it on" as a volunteer or on part-time basis, then 3) commit to moving toward this new path with a solid financial plan, support of family and friends (and a coach if you'd like one), along with a step-by-step blueprint for what it will take to reinvent your career.

The Ultimate Outcome - Joy!

It's up to you to create a career that you love, and you can do it!  Start today.  Let the top five reasons you're miserable at work be the catalyst you need to change your career and change your life.  Trust me on this one...once you step up to creating a career that excites you, you'll reach new heights you never thought possible. 

About Kathy Caprino

Kathy Caprino, M.A., is a nationally-recognized women's career and executive coach, speaker, and author of Breakdown, Breakthrough: The Professional Woman's Guide to Claiming a Life of Passion, Power, and Purpose.  Founder/President of Ellia Communications, Inc. -- a career coaching company dedicated to helping women achieve breakthrough to create live and work as they truly want it, Caprino is a trained psychotherapist, seasoned career coach, and sought-after writer and speaker on women's issues.  She is a popular blogger on women's career topics and trends, and as a top media source, she has appeared in more than 100 leading newspapers and magazines and on national radio and television.  Her current national research study focuses on Women Succeeding Abundantly, and explores the key actions, beliefs, and choices made by women of all ages who are creating tremendous success and fulfillment in their lives and careers, thriving and living joyfully on their own terms. 

For more information on Ellia Communications'  breakthrough coaching programs and resources, please visit www.elliacommunications.com or write to Kathy at Kathy@elliacommunications.com.

May is Here!   I, for one, am thrilled! I'm truly ready to let go of the heavy, dark remnants of Winter, and stretch and play lightly with more ease, as summer approaches.

Yesterday, a dear friend of mine -- fabulous life coach and Emmy-award-winning writer Susie Horgan - shared with me a core idea from Buddhist thinking that "suffering" is the continually craving to be where you are not.

Are We Suffering or Stretching?

When she said it, the idea struck me like a thunderbolt. I spend so much of my time endeavoring to stretch up to new realms, that I suffer more than I care to admit -- with impatience, disappointment, confusion, exhaustion -- all around the experience of "Why is this all going so slowly - are we in a retrograde, or something??"

If suffering is about a continual addiction to wanting what you don't have, how is focusing on stretching and growing different from that?

Here are my thoughts:

1) Stretching carries with it excitement and anticipation. Suffering is heavy with resistance and regret.

2) Stretching looks forward; suffering looks backward.

3) Stretching acknowledges all you've done, and has you reaching for more. Suffering denounces you for the (seemingly) stupid mistakes you've made.

4) Stretching is life-giving and affirming; suffering keeps you in denial of your powers to create and evolve. 5) Stretching says "YES!" Suffering says "NO."

OK, from today on, I'm choosing more stretching, less suffering.  How 'bout you?

And BTW, follow my 30-Day Twitter experiment at @kathycaprino, and embark on one of your own.  It's a sure way to encourage stretching.

As we move into a time of planting new seeds and cultivating what we truly wish to create, it's time also to weed our gardens - discard old remnants from past plantings that thwart our growth, and cease to be beneficial as we evolve.

This Spring, I'm doing a great deal of emotional weeding.  Truth be told (and so many people do not tell the truth about their real-life problems, so here we go), I've been extremely challenged by financial mistakes of my past.  I don't regret these "mistakes," as they are fodder for learning, but that doesn't make them any easier to resolve.  And boy, has there been learning!

What are these serious financial mistakes? 

I've realized that I've been held hostage by old "structures of knowing" around money formed years ago. 

These mental models of how things work were not fully in my awareness until now -- and they include my believing that:

1. It will be virtually impossible to make fantastic money if I'm doing what I love in my heart and soul

2. If I work for someone else, I'll be terribly hurt, as I was in my past corporate career

3. I have to work incredibly hard to be successful

4. When abundant money flows again from my work (as it did in my corporate career), I'll misuse the power that comes with it (as I did before)

5. To make great money, I'll lose the precious family time I've worked so hard to achieve

6. I can't admit out loud that I'm not having the financial success I want, because then I won't be a strong role model for other women

7. I can "affirm" away scarcity

These structures of knowing have wreaked havoc on my financial health, and I'm taking powerful action to revise each and every one, and its working!

(For help about uncovering your limiting "structures of knowing," see Dr. Maria Nemeth's book The Energy of Money).

Unearthing these limiting mental models is a vital step to shedding behaviors (financial and otherwise) that keep you from the joy and success you long for.

And by the way, I have seen with hundreds of people I work with and in my own life that knowing about the Law of Attraction and practicing abundance principles is often not an effective enough guidance system to shift you into a prosperous state, when you're really stuck around money.

I've found that what truly WORKS in shifting you out of your money lack is to 1) release old beliefs and behaviors (I call these your "Breakdown Myths") that sabotage your success, 2) connect with your true intentions  and life purpose, 3) gain awareness of your standards of integrity and use them to guide your life, 4) infuse your life with new energy of money, time, creativity, vitality, enjoyment and support, and finally 5) create a S.M.A.R.T. plan with doable goals and steps that move you forward to what you deeply want.

So if you're stuck around money...

1) Read my latest newsletter and the featured article called "Is Your Attitude Keeping You Broke" written by my friend and colleague, holistic financial consultant Denise Hughes. 

 2) Join my Breakthrough Women's Circle

Denise will be holding an hour-long teleseminar on "Achieving the Financial Success You Dream Of: 6 Steps to Financial Growth" for my Breakthrough Women's Circle members only on Wednesday April 14th 1pm to 2pm EST.  She'll also be available next month on the BW Circle forum to answer your specific financial questions! 

If you're not a member of the circle, join now and don't miss it.

3) Reach out to get help and build your success support community today

Get help today.  Don't wait.  Find a coach, join a support community, take a workshop or seminar.  For live support in Connecticut, join me on May 15^th in Norwalk, CT for my Breakthrough to Abundant Success! Seminar.  (Register by April 15^th and save $50). 

My friends, your reality can change in a blink of an eye - I can attest to this.  But it takes a new and different kind of inner and outer work to achieve it.

Is there any better time than now?

My wonderful coaching clients ask me frequently, "How do I know if this is the right step?  I'm just so confused." 

To get clear on the next step to take that will be ultimately beneficial for you, answer these three questions first, then move on the path to making your decision.

There are three powerful questions to consider before you address any significant decision:

1) Do you have enough information to make this decision?  If not, get it.

2) Is it the right time to make this decision - if not, then wait.  If so, take the steps listed below.

3) How important is this decision?  If it's not at all important to your life, stop agonizing, and use your gut to tell you what direction to go in, and just do something.

If the time is right to make your decision, and you have enough information to do it, then follow this process:

1) Shift your mindset about decisions and next steps

First, disengage yourself from needing to believe that there is an ultimate "right" outcome to anything.  There isn't.  Life is a cycle, a process, a flow, not a final destination.  You'll never "get there."  It's all about experiencing life fully, NOW, and loving it.  Forget about outcome, and look at "process" - explore what you think this step will bring to you, along with the process of living that this step will allow you to engage in.  In other words, will this next step encourage you to grow, stretch, be excited, enlivened, and expand yourself?  If so, there's a great deal of benefit in it.

2) How does it make you feel to consider it?

In my marriage and family therapy training, one professor said that "feeling" is the "F" word - because a therapist and client talking just about feelings can be a slippery slope of not leading to any interventions that truly help a person move forward.

In this case, however, gaining awareness of how you feel is vitally important.  Watch yourself as you explore this next step or potential decision.  Do you feel energized, excited, with your heart beating?  Or do you feel like taking a nap, exhausted, depressed and hopeless.  How you feel, and the shifts in your energy level when you're evaluating a potential decision are highly indicative of what your heart and soul really want to do.

3) Look at what holds you back - is it all fear-based?

Write out all the pros and cons to the decision you're facing.  Then look at the cons...are they all fear-based ("what if", anxiety-ridden thinking)?  If so, you're most likely getting stuck in your limited beliefs and ego-based thinking that tell you that you simply can't embrace this challenge or step because you'll fail or the unknown is too scary.  The unknown doesn't have to be scary - if you embrace it as a way to be more of yourself.

4) What does your intuition/gut tell you to do?

Decisions are best made when you combine logical, linear thinking with intuitive-based wisdom that comes from a higher place.  Your logical thinking helps you identify all the pros and cons (see #3) from an intellectual perspective, but your intuition has a farther-reaching view, one that sees a bigger picture of who and where you truly want to go, and what you're capable of. 

Get in closer touch with your internal guiding wisdom and intuition.  Start today by developing a deeper inner dialog.  Ask questions of yourself on a continual basis, and listen for the answers, then follow them!.  Begin by asking simple "yes" or "no" questions (should I take this route or that one to get to my destination, should I stop here or wait a bit, etc.), and begin hearing what your intuition tells you.  Find the place in your body where your feel your intuition most (your gut, throat, back of your neck, heart, etc.) and begin incorporating the messages of your intuition in every decision you make.

*  *  *  *  *

Ultimately, each decision you make is the right one, because you made it, and you did your best at the time, and because it inevitably led to something that was important for you to experience.  Going forward, make your decisions with fuller awareness, choice, and a belief that everything you experience will ultimately lead to something greater in yourself.  Then, every decision will feel like (and be) the right one. 

If you have a decision to make today: get the info you need, don't make assumptions about what you're capable of, do your best, stop worrying, and start living.

Question of the week: What decisions have you made that at first seemed to be a mistake, but later opened up great new possibilities for you?

Here's a quick rundown on five tactics for gaining more strength and power in your life and work, beginning today:

1)       Do the inner work you have to do - I've had more than a few folks tell me lately that they really don't want to do the deep re-evaluation and exploration work necessary to create more success and fulfillment.  In essence, they want it done for them or given to them.  My view - that just ain't gonna happen (and why would you want it to)?    

Tip: Do the inner and outer work necessary to 1) figure out what you really want, 2) figure out the best way to get it, 3) figure out what you need to shift and change to get it, and 4) determine what you'll give up to have it.  Then go get it.

2)       Learn from others - In many of my seminars and talks to women, there are always one or two individuals who come up to me afterwards and share with me that they didn't want to hear the views or experiences of others - they just wanted to focus on their own issues/problems.  But being teachable and understanding that we're all alike in vital ways and can learn from others, is an essential ingredient to power and success.  Let connection feed you, not drain you.

            Tip: Let go of your inner narcissist.  Stop focusing exclusively on yourself.  Start connecting - listening to and learning from others.  There's a wealth of wisdom, knowledge and perspective out there for you to benefit from.

3)       Stop thinking "making great money means soul-sucking misery" -  If I hear one more time, "Yeah, Kathy, this career fulfillment stuff is nice, but I've got to pay the mortgage," I'm going to spit.  Of course we have to pay our bills and stay afloat, but when are folks going to realize that paying your bills DOESNT inherently, inevitably mean sacrificing your soul to do it, and being miserable.  We think it does because we've mistakenly told ourselves that lie our entire lives - that making great money = soul-crushing work.  Making the money you truly need doesn't mean you have to get sick, depressed, lose yourself, hate yourself, and sacrifice everything that means anything to you, just so you can pay your mortgage. 

      Tip: Figure out the new path you desperately long to take, and begin step-by-step to create it, with money-making and meeting your needs as a key goal.  No more excuses.

4)       When you don't know what you want to do, first focus on "essence," then on "form" - When you're really stuck as to what you want to do next, focus on figuring out the "essence" of what you want first in your life and work, and worry about the right "form" of it only as a second step.  An example: let's say you adore singing and always have, and you hate your corporate job.  You might be thinking, "All I want to do is quit this job, and start singing for a living. I think I'd love that!"  To that, I'd say, "Wait a minute!"  Making a living as a singer (for instance) can be excruciatingly difficult.  Most performers say, "Do this only if you can't NOT do it!"  So before you jump into what new job/career that you've been fantasizing about, figure out if it's something you truly can't live without doing and if you're suited to a life of it. 

      What are the inner qualities, traits (the essence) of the thing you long for - what do you think this thing will give your life that you don't have now?  Ask yourself, "What does singing give to me?"  Your answers might be that singing brings you: entertainment, the joy of creating something beautiful, the reward of making music with others, creativity, harmony, fun, stimulation, physical exertion that's also relaxing, surrounding yourself with beautiful sounds, etc.  

      After you know specifically what singing (or the thing you're fantasizing about) gives you, then see if you can bring forward any parts of that "essence" into your current life/career.  If not, then start evaluating and researching what that might mean for you in terms of changing your job/career to embrace more of the essence of what you long for.

            Tip: Explore what lights you up, what gives you passion, and why.  They determine if there are any ways you can bring those endeavors forward in your life today, without a wholesale reinvention, if possible.

5)       Get Tough - Power Up Your Boundaries - To get what you want in life, you have to be strong and confident.  You have to protect yourself from all those who would suck your energy dry, use you, take advantage of you, make you feel guilty for not doing more than you should for others, and diminish you.  You can't have a powerful life if you're giving over all your power to others (including your children, spouse, boss, employer, friends, relatives, etc.).

            Tip: Think about where you feel exhausted, angry, depressed, resentful, and start there.  To whom do you need to say "no" and why aren't you saying it?  It's time to say more "No!" to others, and more "Yes!" to yourself, and time to speak up.  Just do it.

Question for the day: In what ways do you struggle in terms of feeling powerful and confident?  And what have you done to successfully increase your power in areas where it's shaky?

Thanks for sharing, and many happy breakthroughs,

Kathy

I've spent years developing a spiritual life that is both deeply meaningful and practically useful to me in my life and work.  This was no easy feat for me.  I had to cast off all the religious doctrine and dogma that was thrust on me as a child.  All of it left me feeling that organized religion espouses concepts that are, in many cases, antithetical to a true understanding of divinity and spirituality.  Organized religion is often so way off-base -  pushing us toward negative and personally diminishing beliefs that are in total opposition to what (I believe) God or Love truly represent.

In my quest for a spiritual life that works for my day-to-day life too, I found myself taking a very large and long detour, falling into the trap of believing that positive, spiritual thinking and a shift in energetic "vibration" would get me out of my troubles.  So here's what I've learned.  If you want real life change, start with positive thinking but proceed with action.

The Law of Attraction means "like attracts like" - your positive (or negative) energy and thoughts will attract more of same.  But understanding that is not enough to turn your life around.  Trust me on this one.

If this resonates, I hope you'll read on.  Here are several excerpts from my book Breakdown, Breakthrough (from Chapters 14 and 15) on what it takes to develop a rich, purposeful and authentic spiritual life that works for you:

(From Breakdown Breakthrough, Chapter 15 - Doing Work and Play You Love)

Relax, It's Not All Up to You

Many of us were raised with the American ethic of personal achievement and the need to conquer. We were given the notion that it's up to each of us, individually and solely, to hack out the life we want, sometimes crushing others (and ourselves) to get it. After many years of struggle and despair, Laura discovered that her life wasn't all up to her.

She found more powerful help--her belief in a higher power, a universal energy that connects her with herself and the world around her. This energy elevates her above her individual capabilities and knowledge. Laura accessed her higher power by going inward, listening quietly and patiently to hear her soul speaking.

Others find their higher power through religion, spirituality, healing, energy work, meditation, praying, or serving others. I've found my connection to a higher power by casting off all of the rigid doctrine I was taught that felt false. I reconstructed a working concept of spirituality that feels right.

I believe in an all-loving universal energy that flows through and connects of us. Some call it God, others call it Love. Whatever you call it, if you connect with your higher power in a way that resonates for you, life changes. When you hear the sound of your own soul whispering to you, you'll know it in a second. There will be no doubt. You will be changed by the love, tolerance, lightness, optimism, and surety that you hear there, inside of you.

It doesn't matter whether you choose to meditate during your train commute, take walks, garden, do yoga, sit on the beach, rest in a sanctuary, or write to your angels. What's critical is that you find a way to quiet your mind, soothe your body, and tap into your vast inner knowledge and power, daily. But accessing it isn't enough. Once you hear your inner wisdom, follow it, and act boldly.

(From Breakdown, Breakthrough, Chapter 14 - Balancing Life and Work)

Get Help from Others and Your Higher Self

Coaching and energy healing helped Karen get in touch with her spiritual side in a life changing way. She found help from her coach and healer, as well as from her spiritual voice and practices. These aids grounded her in a new reality of calm, balance, and acceptance.

Many women find strength and solace by getting in closer touch with their spiritual being. There are many helpful ways to find your spiritual self. Spiritual beliefs and practices that connect you more fully to yourself, enhance your self-respect and compassion for others, help you feel your own power and divinity, and appreciate the vastness of human experience are highly beneficial.

But many of us were taught religious beliefs that hold us back and simply don't ring true. I know I was. And I threw the baby out with the bathwater. If this statement strikes a chord, I encourage you to seek out new spiritual beliefs and practices that feel right to you. Keep the baby! Find a way to connect to your spiritual side, and to something more expansive than your individual self. Doing so brings great perspective and peace of mind.

When I began to search for spiritual concepts that would bolster rather than frustrate me, I found a fascinating book, Conversations with God, by Neale Donald Walsch. I devoured it in one night. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was home. I finally read in print spiritual ideas that feel right, beautiful, loving, and true. I was overjoyed.
 
Since then, I have continued to build spiritual beliefs that support and nourish me. Connecting to your spiritual side, hearing your inner voice, and living from the knowledge you receive will get you closer to your values and priorities, soothe you, and set you in a positive direction with courage and power.

*  *  *  *  *

Now here's the rub - concepts such as The Law of Attraction as described in The Secret, or even those from my beloved Abraham-Hicks group (who've written many powerful books such as Ask and It is Given), can be totally misconstrued, and when they are, these concepts -- and living by them as your exclusive guiding force -- can be very damaging to your life.

Why? Because you can be lulled into inaction and a false sense of security by believing that just changing your thinking or making key vibrational adjustments is enough to generate the results you want and need to see your life.

I'm here to tell you - it's simply not true.  The Law of Attraction isn't going to bring you want you want, unless you take empowered action - focused, commitment, growth-inducing ACTION.  Sitting on your couch eating bonbons while engaged in positive thinking (or continuing to do what isn't working and expecting different results) is a recipe for disaster.

If "The Secret" isn't working for you - if you're still struggling, stuck, desperate, confused, overwhelmed, the answer isn't for you to keep doing what you've been done.  Einstein said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results.  Yes!  The answer out of your problems is to get help, shed what is keeping you stuck, and then take action - different and more empowered and focused action than you've ever taken before.

Positive thinking, the law of attraction, and the Secret - it's a start, to get you believing in yourself, in your future visions and what you dream for life and work.  But if you want external positive results in your life, it's time to step up and reclaim your life with action.

Question of the week: What one action can and will you take this week to step up to the life that's waiting for you?  Please share!

In the past several years, I've coached a good number of other coaches, consultants, healing and wellness practitioners, and small business owners ways to build their community, develop a powerful speaking platform, get their books published and read, and launch successful programs.

I believe that as coaches, private practitioners, and small business owners, many of us were not fully equipped or prepared when we launched our businesses to do what it takes to build them profitably and successfully; instead, we had a "build it and they will come" mentality that didn't generate results because it wasn't aligned with powerful business-building strategies.

One key step that helps you build your community, attract great customers, and expand your marketing reach is to develop and deliver impactful seminars and workshops in your professional niche that educate and enliven your community, customers, and clients.

If you're interested in developing seminars and workshops that really work - and sell - below are six key steps to launching them successfully.  These are essential actions that I've learned -- the hard way -- through my own years of development as a national women's work-life expert and speaker:

1)       Identify the specific area(s) to focus on in creating your seminars

2)       Determine which programs you truly want to offer, versus those you think you "should"

3)      Build your community and audience through partnership, affiliation, and relationship

4)      Price your seminars so that you achieve a targeted audience and make money (and when to offer programs free)

5)      Title your seminars so they stand out and grab the customer

6)      Brand yourself and your business so that you are differentiated from the competition, and able to name and claim your "sweet spot" 

The key is to understand what truly holds you back from delivering successful programs and services, and move forward to overcoming these obstacles.

Entrepreneurs need straight talk and practical help to build your businesses successfully.  The Make Mine a Million Dollar Business programs and community give you just that - real, hands-on support to develop, and implement, effective strategies that work for you and your company.  Thanks M3! 

To support the cause, I'm launching a new teleseminar program created specifically for coaches, consultants, small business owners and private practitioners, called Developing Powerful Seminars that Work - and Sell.  Hope you'll check it out.

Don't wait until it's too late to get the help and support you need.  Reach out today - to M3, a powerful business mentor or consultant, a business-building community or entrepreneurial network of your choice.  It's just an email, phone call or meeting away.  It's in your "vortex" to be wildly successful (as Abraham-Hicks says), and it's up to you to claim it!

Wishing you many happy breakthroughs,
Kathy

Many clients have asked me how to keep moving forward in their lives when what's appearing in their lives is crushingly challenging.  The tips below will help you stay focused and energized, and keep you on your way to your future life visions, despite the bumps that emerge in the present situation.

Don't Let What Appears in the Present Fool You

We often forget that what's appearing in our lives today will not last.  One thing is certain in life -change is a constant.  What's occurring in your life and work now is a confluence of many factors (your beliefs and patterns of behaving, the lessons our world and humanity need to learn, etc.).  But your future will look very different if you embrace that possibility.  For instance, if you're struggling with money now, this doesn't necessarily mean you are doomed to battle with money your entire lifetime. 

Begin now to see what's happening today as information - evidence of what is working well, and what is not.  Use this information to guide you to make some vital changes in your thinking and actions so that what you dream of can indeed become your reality.

For me, these times have led me to learn the hard way what it means to be a better marketer and communicator of my company's services, and to be a creator of new, useful programs that are relevant to women in these changing times.  I've always found it distasteful to "hawk my wares."  But there's a vast difference between "hawking" and getting the word out widely so others know what you offer and do.  I'm getting "hip to my trip" about being shy regarding promoting my services.   I know now that I've got to get over it if I want to continue to help people in a big way.

What habit do you need to let go of today that's holding you back?

Appreciate What You Have While Being Excited for What is Coming

When we're facing hardship or struggle, it's very difficult to achieve a state of appreciation.  But appreciating where you are is essential to bringing into your life more positive events and circumstances. 

Appreciating where you are means you understand that in some critical ways you've signed up for these challenges -- co-created them, one could say - for your own expansion.  Not on a conscious level, but on a higher dimension.  Embrace what your life is giving you as a way to grow into what you want more of.

Raging against where you are in life is like rolling a ball uphill over and over, and being angry that it keeps rolling back down over you.  Either change how you roll the ball, or stop feeling resentful at what is (or better yet, do both)!

Take time each day to appreciate the good that you've created in your life thus far.  More of it will surely come.

Don't Listen to the Naysayers

When you're feeling down about your tough times, you sometimes encounter negative people who think they know better and more than you.  These naysayers often say,"I told you so!" or "I knew that would fail," or "What were you thinking?"

My best advice is to turn a deaf ear to the naysayers, and focus instead on those who are compassionate, encouraging, and uplifting to you.  Seek out those who believe in you 3000%, who trust in your capabilities without reservation. 

Sure, we sometimes need to hear difficult counsel, but make sure the advice you heed is from an empowering, positive, knowing source.  Ignore advice that feels wrong, diminishing, or negative, or is based on someone else's limitations or agenda.

Surround yourself instead with those who want you to be all you can be in your life and work.

Ask for Help

Finally, in tough times, we need to ask for help.  Let go of your need to be perfect, right, or invincible.  Ask for assistance and support to get you through. 

An encouraging friend, mentor, family member, or coach can be of great help when times are hard.  He/she can help you see beyond what you're experiencing, make sense of it in terms that are meaningful to you, and connect you to the realization that you're not alone.

I've found too that the best kind of support comes from your "higher" self - the dimension of you that experiences life from a broader perspective than your ego-mind is capable of.  You can access insight from your higher self by forging a relationship with it, connecting with your inner guidance and knowledge by asking yourself questions each day, and listening to the answers.

Trust yourself, and act on your own intuition and inner guidance.  You won't steer yourself wrong.  Check it out for yourself.

(For a bit of help overcoming one of the 12 common crises women face today, please check out my book Breakdown, Breakthrough).

 *     *     *     *     *

Tough times are rampant right now in our world.  The question to ask is, "How may I use this trying situation to inform, uplift, and expand me as I continue on the path that compels me?"

Remember:

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence
by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."

Eleanor Roosevelt
You Learn by Living, 1960