Recently in Living Real Category

On April 26, I embarked on a 30-day Twitter Experiment, with an open heart and mind, excited to see what focusing intently on connecting through social media might bring.

It was a wild 30 days, and it did bring with some amazing opportunities, as well as some new insights.

Here's what I learned:

1) Real connection can't be faked, bought, or sold.  If you connect to people from your heart, then benefits abound.  If you just "talk the talk" without authentic intention, however, it reveals itself quickly.

2) If you're on the lookout for great things, great things come.  In these past thirty days, I've received requests for two radio interviews, a potential TV opportunity, several speaking gigs in Peru, great new participants in my Women Succeeding Abundantly research, two amazing new clients, and the list goes on.  These opportunities are not necessarily directly related to my being involved on Twitter more, but it's all connected to putting yourself out there.

3)  When you're clear about what you're doing and what you want to come to you, you're better able to filter out the noise and the unwanted (and there's a lot of that too!).

4) The more you share, the more feedback you get, so you need strong boundaries that allow you to connect continually with who you really are, in the midst of lots of new energy.

5) It's a heck of a lot more fun to be in community than to be alone (when you like your community!). 

6) If you think there's not enough to go around (of anything - help, advice, support, friends, creativity, opportunities, work, gigs, money, etc.), it's time to think again, and make some changes in your life.

7) The need to be very concise (140 characters!) about what's happening in your life is a terrific challenge, and a great gift.  It makes you efficient at articulating only the meat.

8) And finally, it's a friendly universe - yes, struggles and pain are everywhere, but I've found that it's a loving, compassionate and supportive universe, when you commit to seeing it that way.

I'd highly recommend doing your own 30-Day Twitter experiment, and sharing the results with your community.  Please let me know when you do it - I'd love to follow and learn from you!

Here's to connection and community!

In my personal experience, there were some very heavy blocks that kept me from realizing with clarity and confidence that I wanted out of my corporate marketing career, and from taking forward-moving action to get out.

 My blocks were:

1) Time - I had invested so much time in building a marketing career (18 years, in fact), that it seemed ludicrous to "throw it all away."

2) Ego - My ego told me that I had worked so hard to achieve a powerful position in the corporate hierarchy (in my last corporate position, I was a Vice President), that I didn't want to step back and be a beginner again, and lose so much ground

3) Confusion - If I were to chuck this professional identity, what would I do instead?  Despite years of trying to answer this question, I couldn't figure out.  Sure, I fantasized about being in the film industry or doing something exciting and glamorous - but what did I really want to do?  What would I do if I won the lottery?  I couldn't find a new path that made sense.

4) Money - I earned a lot, and believed I needed every cent of that to provide myself and my family the living we needed and wanted

5) Going against the pack - Most people in our lives want us to do the safe, reasonable and secure thing.  They don't want us to suffer, or to lose everything.  So they tell us - strongly and loudly - to play it safe. 

6) The unknown - finally, I didn't want to change because I wanted what I had to work out for me, despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary.  Truthfully, I was scared to death to leap into the unknown.

Now, eight years into my career reinvention, I see things differently.  I can say that none of the reasons above are sufficient to keep you stuck in a career you hate.  Loosen the vice-like grip these fears have on your life, your soul, your mind, and your livelihood, and you'll find the courage and energy to begin to change your career, and change your life.

So here's a new way to look at the challenges above:

TIME:

Every minute you DON'T make the changes you long for, is a minute you spend holding yourself back from the growth and expansion that you know - deep down - that you need and want.  Also, after revising your career to something you like better, you'll find that you will use fully and joyfully each and every heart-felt talent and skill that you worked so hard to develop in the past.

EGO:

Achievements are - in the end -- meaningless if they don't resonate with your heart and soul.  Don't let your ego lead you around by the nose.  If it does, you'll find that your hard-won recognition and achievement will leave you feeling empty and sad.

CONFUSION:

Yes, it's hard to sort out the "sounds-great!" career change ideas from those that will really make you happy.  It's hard, but not impossible.  Find some great coaching and mentoring help today to do it.  Get unconfused.

MONEY:

We all want and need money.  The question is - how much do you truly need to make to be happy, fulfilled, and enjoy your life?  And what is your relationship with money - is it healthy and balanced, or are you a slave to it, addicted to having "things" surround you, because in fact, you feel depleted and joyless?

THE PACK:

The pack mentality is a fear-based, group think that doesn't support innovation, individuality, and risk.  So which type of person do you want to be- a pack-like follower, or a cutting-edge thinker and leader?

THE UNKNOWN:

Here's a fascinating truth- it's ALL unknown, folks.  If you think you've got it figured out, and that what you carved out for yourself is going to be constant and unchanging, please do think again.  Life is change.  The universe WILL deliver to you continual opportunities for you to experience your own adaptability and resilience.  So, what would you rather do - embrace your resilience and proactively find a new path now that brings you joy, or do nothing, and let life foist change on you?

If you truly want a career change, I hope you'll begin on a path today to making it happen.  Help is all around you!

I'd love to know what holds you back MOST from taking action to change your career, and what you need specifically to help you move forward? 

Please share your comments below - I LOVE your input (and it will help me deliver a fantastically powerful career-change program this summer)! 

Thank you!

May is Here!   I, for one, am thrilled! I'm truly ready to let go of the heavy, dark remnants of Winter, and stretch and play lightly with more ease, as summer approaches.

Yesterday, a dear friend of mine -- fabulous life coach and Emmy-award-winning writer Susie Horgan - shared with me a core idea from Buddhist thinking that "suffering" is the continually craving to be where you are not.

Are We Suffering or Stretching?

When she said it, the idea struck me like a thunderbolt. I spend so much of my time endeavoring to stretch up to new realms, that I suffer more than I care to admit -- with impatience, disappointment, confusion, exhaustion -- all around the experience of "Why is this all going so slowly - are we in a retrograde, or something??"

If suffering is about a continual addiction to wanting what you don't have, how is focusing on stretching and growing different from that?

Here are my thoughts:

1) Stretching carries with it excitement and anticipation. Suffering is heavy with resistance and regret.

2) Stretching looks forward; suffering looks backward.

3) Stretching acknowledges all you've done, and has you reaching for more. Suffering denounces you for the (seemingly) stupid mistakes you've made.

4) Stretching is life-giving and affirming; suffering keeps you in denial of your powers to create and evolve. 5) Stretching says "YES!" Suffering says "NO."

OK, from today on, I'm choosing more stretching, less suffering.  How 'bout you?

And BTW, follow my 30-Day Twitter experiment at @kathycaprino, and embark on one of your own.  It's a sure way to encourage stretching.

Well, my 30-Day Twitter Experiment continues and it's been quite enlightening and surprising so far - and tiring!  More than I imagined.

Here's what I'm learning:

1) It's all about the connection.  What do people want more than anything in life?  To be valued, liked, appreciated, understood, recognized for who they really are, and to not feel alone.  Welcome to Twitter.  It's all about real connection - conversing, supporting, laughing - being real.

2) Drop the façade - there's no time to keep it up.  On Twitter, if you want to build community and create true connection, there's no time to keep up your well-crafted façade that hides who you really are.  No time to "protect your reputation." If you're conversing continually, you just can't be watching every word that comes out, and filtering it for how you want to sound.  You've just got to be yourself and use the authentic voice you have.  (BTW, I've got to write a post on this issue- the public vs. the private persona, your reputation vs. who you really are...more on that soon).

3) If you're a narcissist, you won't like Twitter.  If all you want to do is talk about yourself and your business and services, you won't have much fun because no one will follow you or care about connecting with you, in the long-run.  (Also another post - and book - needs to be written about the intensely negative impact of working or living with those who suffer from the narcissistic personality disorder, and how to manage it)!

4) People are awesome - or at least, many thousands are.  So many of us have been burned in our lives by snarky, jealous, dishonest, back-stabbing, insecure, angry people who've hurt us.  But through social media, you expand your horizons beyond your imagination and beyond your tight world, which allows you get out of your circle (which can sometimes disappoint), and meet amazing new folks around the world who want to help and share.

5) It's addictive, learning new things.  This experiment is teaching me so many new things that I'm slightly addicted to the whole experience.  The new ideas are flowing in the middle of the night, while I'm in a client meeting, driving my kids to soccer and band, while I'm watching "Glee," eating dinner...  Clearly, it's fun to step up to a new challenge.

6) Life takes time.  Nothing is created overnight - there's no magic bullet for moving forward.  It's all in the doing, doing, doing, then learning from the doing.  Have you noticed that moving something from the metaphysical realm - the realm of pure, light energy, the realm of ideas - to the realm of the physical, is HARD?  Well, it is. The energy is dense here on the physical plane.  The more you're prepared for that, the better. 

I hope you'll be inspired to do your own 30-Day Twitter experiment, and follow mine at @kathycaprino.com.  Let me know if you do, and I'll follow you and do my best to connect/comment along the way.

I promise you - in the process, you'll peel back some layers about yourself and be deeply surprised at what you find.

Hi Friends -

So here's the latest....I embarked on a 30-day experiment in which I'm going to get on Twitter, tweet at least once a day (and looks like a lot more!) and watch what happens - in my life, work, clientele, family, relationships, business, community, and in my new research and book in development on Women Succeeding Abundantly.  Perhaps I'll even learn something new about the way I view everything.

My friend Yamel Iglesias asked me today if the movie Julie and Julia inspired this tweetfest.  Interestingly, I did see the movie a few weeks ago, and LOVED it.  I loved how Julie, at a lost for what to do with her career that would bring her joy, decided to follow her heart and focus on what she truly loved (cooking and writing).  She began to blog about her daily experience of cooking through Julia Child's book  Mastering The Art of French Cooking.  Not knowing where it would take her, she just went with the experience, throwing it up in the air (or on the wall, like testing cooked spaghetti) to see what stuck.  

After seeing the movie, I thought of doing the same thing (blogging every day for a year) about my experiences in "writing to my angels" who give me regular information and insights that nourish and guide me (more about that another time), but I simply didn't feel moved to commit to it for public consumption.

But after viewing Scott Stratten's new video on Social Media Success for Non-Profits today, I got inspired to do a mini-experiment on Twitter  (To follow Scott's work, visit www.un-marketing.com and @UnMarketing on Twitter).  Following Scott has changed things for me - given me some new levity, humor and "breathing room" to not take everything so damn seriously.  So, I'm going to throw it all up on the wall, and see what sticks!

Hope you'll follow my Twitter Experiment on @kathycaprino.  Day 1 was rather amazing, I must say.  From connecting with Scott (whom I truly admire), to delivering a talk for the CT Women's Business Development Center and the Family Economic Security Program on work-life balance to a group of amazingly generous women, I truly can't beat this day.  May the fun continue!

K

As we move into a time of planting new seeds and cultivating what we truly wish to create, it's time also to weed our gardens - discard old remnants from past plantings that thwart our growth, and cease to be beneficial as we evolve.

This Spring, I'm doing a great deal of emotional weeding.  Truth be told (and so many people do not tell the truth about their real-life problems, so here we go), I've been extremely challenged by financial mistakes of my past.  I don't regret these "mistakes," as they are fodder for learning, but that doesn't make them any easier to resolve.  And boy, has there been learning!

What are these serious financial mistakes? 

I've realized that I've been held hostage by old "structures of knowing" around money formed years ago. 

These mental models of how things work were not fully in my awareness until now -- and they include my believing that:

1. It will be virtually impossible to make fantastic money if I'm doing what I love in my heart and soul

2. If I work for someone else, I'll be terribly hurt, as I was in my past corporate career

3. I have to work incredibly hard to be successful

4. When abundant money flows again from my work (as it did in my corporate career), I'll misuse the power that comes with it (as I did before)

5. To make great money, I'll lose the precious family time I've worked so hard to achieve

6. I can't admit out loud that I'm not having the financial success I want, because then I won't be a strong role model for other women

7. I can "affirm" away scarcity

These structures of knowing have wreaked havoc on my financial health, and I'm taking powerful action to revise each and every one, and its working!

(For help about uncovering your limiting "structures of knowing," see Dr. Maria Nemeth's book The Energy of Money).

Unearthing these limiting mental models is a vital step to shedding behaviors (financial and otherwise) that keep you from the joy and success you long for.

And by the way, I have seen with hundreds of people I work with and in my own life that knowing about the Law of Attraction and practicing abundance principles is often not an effective enough guidance system to shift you into a prosperous state, when you're really stuck around money.

I've found that what truly WORKS in shifting you out of your money lack is to 1) release old beliefs and behaviors (I call these your "Breakdown Myths") that sabotage your success, 2) connect with your true intentions  and life purpose, 3) gain awareness of your standards of integrity and use them to guide your life, 4) infuse your life with new energy of money, time, creativity, vitality, enjoyment and support, and finally 5) create a S.M.A.R.T. plan with doable goals and steps that move you forward to what you deeply want.

So if you're stuck around money...

1) Read my latest newsletter and the featured article called "Is Your Attitude Keeping You Broke" written by my friend and colleague, holistic financial consultant Denise Hughes. 

 2) Join my Breakthrough Women's Circle

Denise will be holding an hour-long teleseminar on "Achieving the Financial Success You Dream Of: 6 Steps to Financial Growth" for my Breakthrough Women's Circle members only on Wednesday April 14th 1pm to 2pm EST.  She'll also be available next month on the BW Circle forum to answer your specific financial questions! 

If you're not a member of the circle, join now and don't miss it.

3) Reach out to get help and build your success support community today

Get help today.  Don't wait.  Find a coach, join a support community, take a workshop or seminar.  For live support in Connecticut, join me on May 15^th in Norwalk, CT for my Breakthrough to Abundant Success! Seminar.  (Register by April 15^th and save $50). 

My friends, your reality can change in a blink of an eye - I can attest to this.  But it takes a new and different kind of inner and outer work to achieve it.

Is there any better time than now?

I follow slews of fascinating people through their blogs and Tweets, and today I read a compelling blog post written by Scott Stratten who runs his company, Unmarketing. I simply love what this guy has to say!  I find his ideas and posts so interesting, authentic, funny, insightful and just plain old great.

Here's his latest blog about What If I Didn't Use Twitter:

http://www.un-marketing.com/blog/2010/02/22/what-if-i-didnt-use-twitter

I was moved to write a comment on his post, which is here:

Scott - I love your description of what you've learned and received from Twitter.  My guess is that you're the kind of person who gets enormous benefits out of anything you dive into.  But that being said, there's something about the Twitter experience that helps you stretch into wild new territories that you've been deeply longing for, but didn't even know it!  It's so damn powerful - to connect with thousands of people, to use your voice in new ways, to put your one-of-a-kind ideas out there, to develop a tough-enough skin so that you can shrug off the occasional snarkiness of others, and to feel the love and support of one-time strangers who become dear friends.  Love your work, Scott!

When people ask me "Do I really need to use Twitter," I have so much to say about it that I don't know where to begin.  So I'll begin here...

Who Gets the Most Out of Twitter? 

People who:

1) Have something of interest to say

2) Don't care to just blather on about the everyday minutiae of their lives (most people's lives are boring - let's face it!)

3) Enjoy giving as much or more as they do receiving

4) Have a generous, kind spirit and can support others' thinking and work

5) Understand that using Twitter effectively is about building relationships and is not a "get rich quick" scam

6) Get the fact that what you put into something directly correlates with what you get out of it

7) Don't use it as a way of talking about how great they are, and how they can make you rich

8 ) Do use it as a way to become better, bigger, smarter, funnier, more helpful  - more of who you really are at your core

So, if you're wondering what you can get out of using Twitter, I'd say this:

With an attitude of openness, curiosity, commitment, and generosity, you can get:

-          New friends

-          New ideas for books, writing, projects, seminars, talks, etc.

-          New interests and passions

-          New customers and supporters

-          New ways to see yourself and your life and work

-          New coping skills for when strangers write you and say your ideas stink

-          New like-minded colleagues to partner with

-          New directions to pursue that light you up

-          New ways to make money

-          New, helpful insights about yourself - what you're great at and what you're not so great at

It occurred to me that what Twitter has brought to us might have some parallels to when television first emerged on the scene -  it opens up a fascinating new avenue through which you can connect to a whole new world of ideas, feelings, perspectives, teachings, directions, along with passionate, inspiring people who have so much to share and give.  That is, if you're selective about what you choose to focus on.

So have at it, friends!  And as Scott Stratten says, I LIVE for comments, so please leave yours.

Happy National Speak Up and Succeed Day!  (Thanks, Diane DiResta, for reminding me!)

As I do the work I do each day - giving seminars to women's groups or connecting with new colleagues to partner with, working with my support team or communicating with my clients - I've begun to notice something quite interesting about how people work.

There are two fundamental ways in which people attempt to expand themselves in the world.

These two ways are:

Collaborating with others in a respectful and empowering way, to help each other be all you both wish to be

Or

Attempting to crush out the competition through snarky, denigrating, and low-spirited tactics

Which approach are you engaged in?

The first approach encourages you to:

• Feel good in your interactions
• Expand your skills and know-how
• Experience yourself as purposeful and beneficial in your interchanges
• Learn more about how to do what you love to do and how you are special
• Discover new skills and endeavors you're capable of
• Grow faster and more effectively through positive synergy

The second approach encourages you to:

• Feel lousy and critical about your interactions
• Constrict your thinking about what you're capable of
• Mistake yourself as someone who is higher and more important in the hierarchy
• Believe that there simply isn't enough to go around
• Remain stuck in the jealous, insecure "Am I good enough?" mode
• Move slower, with less success, ease, and fulfillment

In short, collaboration allows you to Say Yes! to yourself, to others and to expanding yourself to what you truly long to do.  Fearful competition keeps you stuck in the constricting, "NO" mode.

How can you tell cut-throat competition when you see it?

Here are some key hallmarks:

1) Language and action that indicates, "I'm smarter, better, richer, more successful than you."

2) Over-selling - making a point over and over again so that the receiver ends up saying "OK already!"

3) Deep insecurity about being challenged or receiving constructive feedback

4) A lack of receptivity, compassion, and openness to learning from and being with others

5) An energy of "take, take, take" without giving back

6) A haughty or superior energy/attitude that says, "I'm father along the path than you, and you'll have to learn the hard way, like I did."

Be mindful about whom you choose to associate with in the world and how you go about getting what you want.  The "how" of your approach is more impactful than specific tactics you use.  Overall, if your colleagues, partners, and friends are individuals who make you and others feel great about themselves in an authentic and enlivening way, then they're on the right track, and so are you.

On the other hand, if you, your associates or friends are stuck in the diminishing, competitive "there's not enough to go around, and I'm getting my piece!" mode, it's time for a breakthrough to a collaborative spirit.  Without it, the path you're headed down will most certainly take you where you don't want to go.

As I'm sure you have, I've been receiving skillions of "Happy Holidays and New Year!" newsletters and emails, many of which are beautiful and touching.  I'm grateful for these lovely reminders and chances to reflect on this past year, and what my hopes and dreams are for 2010.

I've decided not to send a "Happy Holidays" email, but instead, to write to you here, and thank you for being a part of my cherished community.  It's quite a blessing - to blog regularly and to receive fascinating, diverse, often passionate comments from steadfast readers who follow your words and thoughts, and care enough to share their insights.  It's a privilege, and I'm most grateful for it.

This season carries with it beautiful childhood memories for me - of fuzzy, fat Christmas tree lights, of smooth skating on frozen ponds (I grew up in upstate NY after all!), of the splendor of snow falling lightly on trees, of out-of-tune caroling with young friends around the neighborhood, and of family basking by a fire dancing with multicolored flecks (created by a "magic" powder my dad would throw in!).  When we have these warm and comforting childhood memories, they color our experiences well into the future, giving us rose-tinted recollections to savor for many years.

For me, this is a beautiful season.  No matter what challenges have come before, this season softens the rough edges and rounds out the year with celebration, family, reflection, and gratitude.

I hope this season -- that brings to a close such a deeply challenging and humbling year -- has been beautiful for you too. 

May your 2010 be what you dream it to be -- as expansive and glorious a vision as you can hold.

Happy holidays to you.

In a recent Harvard Business Publishing blog on "Can 'Nice Girls' Negotiate?," Whitney Johnson writes about the negative repercussions of women negotiating for themselves in the workplace.  Her piece is right on, from my perspective, and reflects the volumes of both qualitative and quantitative research recently about women, culture, expectations and the challenges they face in the nation's workforce.

I'm always fascinated by the range of comments these posts elicit, from complete agreement to vitriolic dissension to something in between.  One individual wrote:

"I'm not sure this is a man vs. woman thing. Men can ask for a raise/promotion and don't get it as well. The trick is to ask for something that you know you're able to get (studying your value in the company, as well as the company's financial stance). Note that you don't have to deserve the raise in order to get it."

I'd bet you anything that this comment is from a man.  Women know exactly what they're facing in the workplace, yet men are still slow to recognize and acknowledge it. 

My two cents:

I couldn't agree more with this article.  As a women's career coach and work-life researcher, and from my national study with hundreds of professional women about the 12 hidden crises working women face today, it's abundantly clear - with research to support it.  Women are often viewed and evaluated negatively when displaying the exact same traits that successful professional men exhibit - speaking up, challenging, negotiating, using powerful language of leadership, etc. 

It IS a gender thing, folks.  But this doesn't mean men are out to get us.  Not at all.  This means that women are dealing with deeply-ingrained cultural stereotypes and gender role definitions that create challenges in terms of what women can successfully say and do in business, and how they're judged when they do it. 

So what to do about this?  Just what Ms. Johnson suggests...women must speak up for themselves, and be completely prepared for the consequences. We simply can't change this dynamic if we stay mum.  It's time for a breakthrough movement for women, and for that to occur, women have to act. 

Question of the week - As a working woman, are you able to speak up and negotiate for yourself well?  How does it go for you when you do?  Please share your tips and successes  - all comments are welcome!