Recently in Empowerment Category

In my personal experience, there were some very heavy blocks that kept me from realizing with clarity and confidence that I wanted out of my corporate marketing career, and from taking forward-moving action to get out.

 My blocks were:

1) Time - I had invested so much time in building a marketing career (18 years, in fact), that it seemed ludicrous to "throw it all away."

2) Ego - My ego told me that I had worked so hard to achieve a powerful position in the corporate hierarchy (in my last corporate position, I was a Vice President), that I didn't want to step back and be a beginner again, and lose so much ground

3) Confusion - If I were to chuck this professional identity, what would I do instead?  Despite years of trying to answer this question, I couldn't figure out.  Sure, I fantasized about being in the film industry or doing something exciting and glamorous - but what did I really want to do?  What would I do if I won the lottery?  I couldn't find a new path that made sense.

4) Money - I earned a lot, and believed I needed every cent of that to provide myself and my family the living we needed and wanted

5) Going against the pack - Most people in our lives want us to do the safe, reasonable and secure thing.  They don't want us to suffer, or to lose everything.  So they tell us - strongly and loudly - to play it safe. 

6) The unknown - finally, I didn't want to change because I wanted what I had to work out for me, despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary.  Truthfully, I was scared to death to leap into the unknown.

Now, eight years into my career reinvention, I see things differently.  I can say that none of the reasons above are sufficient to keep you stuck in a career you hate.  Loosen the vice-like grip these fears have on your life, your soul, your mind, and your livelihood, and you'll find the courage and energy to begin to change your career, and change your life.

So here's a new way to look at the challenges above:

TIME:

Every minute you DON'T make the changes you long for, is a minute you spend holding yourself back from the growth and expansion that you know - deep down - that you need and want.  Also, after revising your career to something you like better, you'll find that you will use fully and joyfully each and every heart-felt talent and skill that you worked so hard to develop in the past.

EGO:

Achievements are - in the end -- meaningless if they don't resonate with your heart and soul.  Don't let your ego lead you around by the nose.  If it does, you'll find that your hard-won recognition and achievement will leave you feeling empty and sad.

CONFUSION:

Yes, it's hard to sort out the "sounds-great!" career change ideas from those that will really make you happy.  It's hard, but not impossible.  Find some great coaching and mentoring help today to do it.  Get unconfused.

MONEY:

We all want and need money.  The question is - how much do you truly need to make to be happy, fulfilled, and enjoy your life?  And what is your relationship with money - is it healthy and balanced, or are you a slave to it, addicted to having "things" surround you, because in fact, you feel depleted and joyless?

THE PACK:

The pack mentality is a fear-based, group think that doesn't support innovation, individuality, and risk.  So which type of person do you want to be- a pack-like follower, or a cutting-edge thinker and leader?

THE UNKNOWN:

Here's a fascinating truth- it's ALL unknown, folks.  If you think you've got it figured out, and that what you carved out for yourself is going to be constant and unchanging, please do think again.  Life is change.  The universe WILL deliver to you continual opportunities for you to experience your own adaptability and resilience.  So, what would you rather do - embrace your resilience and proactively find a new path now that brings you joy, or do nothing, and let life foist change on you?

If you truly want a career change, I hope you'll begin on a path today to making it happen.  Help is all around you!

I'd love to know what holds you back MOST from taking action to change your career, and what you need specifically to help you move forward? 

Please share your comments below - I LOVE your input (and it will help me deliver a fantastically powerful career-change program this summer)! 

Thank you!

I love reading Penelope Trunk's posts - they're always thought-provoking, controversial and stimulating.  I'm thankful that she has a large voice and an even larger audience because she is able to prod so many of us to think about what we truly believe, in comparison with and contrast to her very strident views.

I must say, though, that her recent post on BNET - Terrible Career Advice Women Give Each Other - really got me going, and I have a feeling it will arouse a vigorous response from you too.

Please do check it out!  And read my comments on her post here:

_______________________________________________________

So folks, I'd LOVE to hear from you.  PLEASE! leave a comment below.  What do you think about Penelope's views, and mine.  Share your voice! 

Give us some great career advice for women - puleese!

As we move into a time of planting new seeds and cultivating what we truly wish to create, it's time also to weed our gardens - discard old remnants from past plantings that thwart our growth, and cease to be beneficial as we evolve.

This Spring, I'm doing a great deal of emotional weeding.  Truth be told (and so many people do not tell the truth about their real-life problems, so here we go), I've been extremely challenged by financial mistakes of my past.  I don't regret these "mistakes," as they are fodder for learning, but that doesn't make them any easier to resolve.  And boy, has there been learning!

What are these serious financial mistakes? 

I've realized that I've been held hostage by old "structures of knowing" around money formed years ago. 

These mental models of how things work were not fully in my awareness until now -- and they include my believing that:

1. It will be virtually impossible to make fantastic money if I'm doing what I love in my heart and soul

2. If I work for someone else, I'll be terribly hurt, as I was in my past corporate career

3. I have to work incredibly hard to be successful

4. When abundant money flows again from my work (as it did in my corporate career), I'll misuse the power that comes with it (as I did before)

5. To make great money, I'll lose the precious family time I've worked so hard to achieve

6. I can't admit out loud that I'm not having the financial success I want, because then I won't be a strong role model for other women

7. I can "affirm" away scarcity

These structures of knowing have wreaked havoc on my financial health, and I'm taking powerful action to revise each and every one, and its working!

(For help about uncovering your limiting "structures of knowing," see Dr. Maria Nemeth's book The Energy of Money).

Unearthing these limiting mental models is a vital step to shedding behaviors (financial and otherwise) that keep you from the joy and success you long for.

And by the way, I have seen with hundreds of people I work with and in my own life that knowing about the Law of Attraction and practicing abundance principles is often not an effective enough guidance system to shift you into a prosperous state, when you're really stuck around money.

I've found that what truly WORKS in shifting you out of your money lack is to 1) release old beliefs and behaviors (I call these your "Breakdown Myths") that sabotage your success, 2) connect with your true intentions  and life purpose, 3) gain awareness of your standards of integrity and use them to guide your life, 4) infuse your life with new energy of money, time, creativity, vitality, enjoyment and support, and finally 5) create a S.M.A.R.T. plan with doable goals and steps that move you forward to what you deeply want.

So if you're stuck around money...

1) Read my latest newsletter and the featured article called "Is Your Attitude Keeping You Broke" written by my friend and colleague, holistic financial consultant Denise Hughes. 

 2) Join my Breakthrough Women's Circle

Denise will be holding an hour-long teleseminar on "Achieving the Financial Success You Dream Of: 6 Steps to Financial Growth" for my Breakthrough Women's Circle members only on Wednesday April 14th 1pm to 2pm EST.  She'll also be available next month on the BW Circle forum to answer your specific financial questions! 

If you're not a member of the circle, join now and don't miss it.

3) Reach out to get help and build your success support community today

Get help today.  Don't wait.  Find a coach, join a support community, take a workshop or seminar.  For live support in Connecticut, join me on May 15^th in Norwalk, CT for my Breakthrough to Abundant Success! Seminar.  (Register by April 15^th and save $50). 

My friends, your reality can change in a blink of an eye - I can attest to this.  But it takes a new and different kind of inner and outer work to achieve it.

Is there any better time than now?

Someone (I can't remember who unfortunately) recently shared with me the saying, "Turn your mess into a message." 

I simply love that - perhaps because without realizing it, I've been doing that for a full eight and a half years since 9/11, and since I woke up and decided to transform my (messy) life and career.  I had, and still have, a good deal of mess to transform into messages!

This week, I had a powerful shifting realization, thanks again to my dear friend and financial consultant Denise Hughes, that one of my most intractable "messes" is around my resistance to "ease."  Ease is not something that has been a part of my professional identity or life.  In my twenty-seven years as a contributive professional, there's been nothing easy about it. 

Sure, I've achieved things I'm very proud of and excited about, and I've met many of my large goals.  But still - I can't say that any of it came "easily."  No way, no how.

This week, as I was exploring the idea of ease and why I resist it so fiercely, I had a very painful memory flash.  It was of my early teen life.  I recalled clearly how someone close to me used to say to me (and to everyone else) in a very critical and hateful tone, "Everything comes so easily to Kathy."  This person used to brandish those words like a weapon, as if it were a terrible thing to have an easy life, and that it simply wasn't fair, because her life was hard.  The implication was that God shined his light on me, and cruelly bypassed her, leaving her thwarted and miserable. 

As I tossed that memory around in my mind, I experienced the real 'aha'- I realized that all these years - my whole 49 years on this planet -- I've internalized the belief that if things come easily to me, then I don't deserve them.  Wow...

Believing I'm not deserving of ease has two damaging aspects -  first, deep down, it tricks me into believing that I don't deserve all the good that I've created or attracted, and secondly, it traps me in a fearful place, worried that others will judge me negatively, hold me apart from themselves, be envious of me, and think I am not worthy of what I have.

Well...I can tell you that as of this minute, I'm DONE with my resistance to ease.  Done, gone, finished.  I'm shifting it consciously.  Be gone!

Here's what my spirit knows to be true - When things come easily, it means you are in the flow - of life, of yourself, of your soul and spirit.  It's not a bad thing that things come easily to you.  It's supposed to be easy.  When you have ease, it means that you have consciously and completely given up your resistance to ease, and your attachment to struggle.

Each day, I receive an inspirational email message from a neat group - Mike Dooley's TUT Adventurers Club - and recently got this message worth savoring and embracing:

"Kathy, it's supposed to be easy.  Everything is supposed to be easy.  Everything is easy.  You live in a dream world. You're surrounded by illusions, and the illusions change when you change your thinking!

Tell yourself it's easy.  Tell yourself often.  Make it a mantra.  Eat, sleep, and breathe it.  And your life shall be transformed.

It's supposed to be easy."

(From Mike Dooley's Notes from the Universe)

I'd add this - if ease is not your experience, there's most likely something blocking you from believing you deserve or want ease.  Please take the time this week to dig deep and explore what might be keeping you from believing you can and will have ease from this moment forward, and that having ease is what you deserve.  You are strong enough to have ease, and to handle the envy of others who don't.

Ease is beautiful, perfect, and as it should be, for you and for me.  Let's allow it into our lives, together, now.

Happy National Speak Up and Succeed Day!  (Thanks, Diane DiResta, for reminding me!)

As I do the work I do each day - giving seminars to women's groups or connecting with new colleagues to partner with, working with my support team or communicating with my clients - I've begun to notice something quite interesting about how people work.

There are two fundamental ways in which people attempt to expand themselves in the world.

These two ways are:

Collaborating with others in a respectful and empowering way, to help each other be all you both wish to be

Or

Attempting to crush out the competition through snarky, denigrating, and low-spirited tactics

Which approach are you engaged in?

The first approach encourages you to:

• Feel good in your interactions
• Expand your skills and know-how
• Experience yourself as purposeful and beneficial in your interchanges
• Learn more about how to do what you love to do and how you are special
• Discover new skills and endeavors you're capable of
• Grow faster and more effectively through positive synergy

The second approach encourages you to:

• Feel lousy and critical about your interactions
• Constrict your thinking about what you're capable of
• Mistake yourself as someone who is higher and more important in the hierarchy
• Believe that there simply isn't enough to go around
• Remain stuck in the jealous, insecure "Am I good enough?" mode
• Move slower, with less success, ease, and fulfillment

In short, collaboration allows you to Say Yes! to yourself, to others and to expanding yourself to what you truly long to do.  Fearful competition keeps you stuck in the constricting, "NO" mode.

How can you tell cut-throat competition when you see it?

Here are some key hallmarks:

1) Language and action that indicates, "I'm smarter, better, richer, more successful than you."

2) Over-selling - making a point over and over again so that the receiver ends up saying "OK already!"

3) Deep insecurity about being challenged or receiving constructive feedback

4) A lack of receptivity, compassion, and openness to learning from and being with others

5) An energy of "take, take, take" without giving back

6) A haughty or superior energy/attitude that says, "I'm father along the path than you, and you'll have to learn the hard way, like I did."

Be mindful about whom you choose to associate with in the world and how you go about getting what you want.  The "how" of your approach is more impactful than specific tactics you use.  Overall, if your colleagues, partners, and friends are individuals who make you and others feel great about themselves in an authentic and enlivening way, then they're on the right track, and so are you.

On the other hand, if you, your associates or friends are stuck in the diminishing, competitive "there's not enough to go around, and I'm getting my piece!" mode, it's time for a breakthrough to a collaborative spirit.  Without it, the path you're headed down will most certainly take you where you don't want to go.

Happy New Year, Friends!  Hope your holidays were beautiful.

As we're on to a new year and decade, there have been skillions of articles and blogs published about how to create what you want in this new chapter of our lives.

I like to be a contrarian, and offer up ideas in opposition to the norm, to get us thinking.  Towards that end, here's one:

Let's NOT create New Year's Resolutions this year.

I'm not a fan of resolutions.  It seems that "resolutions" are somehow associated with failure...the things we say we are going to do, but in the end, don't achieve, because we lack the commitment, energy, drive, or wherewithal to complete them.
 
Let's not make resolutions this year.  Let's do something different.  Let's designate "areas of intensive focus" and watch what emerges as the year unfolds. 

Here's my plan:

I've written down four outcomes that are very important to me - areas or experiences that I have now but want more of in my life -- that I intend to focus on going forward. 

To me, focus is everything. If we can determine in some detail what we want to create, understand and validate why we want to create it, then look intently for new opportunities and possibilities around that particular goal or outcome, success happens (or at least we progress towards it in a much easier, fun, and fulfilling way than would otherwise occur). 

Wonderful occurrences and synchronicities that we simply couldn't expect or predict fall into our experience, as we focus intently on our desired outcomes.  New doors open, new friends and supporters make themselves known, new lessons learned, new paths revealed.  If we don't focus intently on what we want to create, we miss so many chances for moving forward on the path we long for.

Here's what my "intensive focus" areas for 2010 look like:

Focus Area #1:
What Do I Want More Of?
Creating high-demand national seminars, products, and training programs that give women the tools they long for to transform their challenges into breakthrough to a new level of great success. 

Why Do I Want It?
Because these programs will help teach women how to manage and shape their lives successfully on their own terms, and be great fun and reward for me to share and participate in this learning and teaching process. 

Focus Area #2:
What Do I Want More Of?
Attracting coaching and consulting clients whom I LOVE to work with and who love to work with me.

Why Do I Want It?
Because coaching groups and one-on-one with folks who resonate with me energetically and in their thinking and behavior, is great joy to me, and allows me to interact in deeply personal ways to help people make the changes they long for.

Focus Area #3:
What Do I Want More Of?
Learning as much as I can (then sharing back that wisdom) about what contributes to abundant success - personal, professional, financial, and spiritual - in the lives of women across all generations.
 
Why Do I Want It?
I love to research human behavior and thinking, then develop my own personalized "model for change."  Researching abundant success represents the next level for me - it will teach me lessons I'm yearning to learn, and also help others who've had an initial transformative breakthrough, but now want more.

Focus Area #4:
What Do I Want More Of?
To treasure and appreciate and receive deeply -- in every cell of my body -- all the bountiful blessings in my life now and those blessings that are forthcoming.  My blessing list is long, and includes my precious children, husband, health, parents, family, friends, work, creative endeavors, and the list goes on.

Why Do I Want It?
I'm not so hot at receiving.  It's an area I definitely want to grow in.  When I am in the place of full-on receiving, it feels absolutely fantastic physically and emotionally, and the effects are long-lasting and delicious.  I'm ready for more receiving! (Thanks to my new financial consultant and colleague, Denise Hughes, for facilitating that powerful revelation).

That's it for me.  Out with the resolutions, and in with some intensive focus on what I love in my life, and what I'd love to create more bountifully this year. 
 
So how about you?  Will you do the above exercise for your 2010?  What would you like to focus on creating this year, and why? 

Let's skip the resolutions, and replace them with a validation of your heartfelt longings, and your clear-sighted focus on what you're passionate about, and what you want more of this year.

This is YOUR year.

In a recent Harvard Business Publishing blog on "Can 'Nice Girls' Negotiate?," Whitney Johnson writes about the negative repercussions of women negotiating for themselves in the workplace.  Her piece is right on, from my perspective, and reflects the volumes of both qualitative and quantitative research recently about women, culture, expectations and the challenges they face in the nation's workforce.

I'm always fascinated by the range of comments these posts elicit, from complete agreement to vitriolic dissension to something in between.  One individual wrote:

"I'm not sure this is a man vs. woman thing. Men can ask for a raise/promotion and don't get it as well. The trick is to ask for something that you know you're able to get (studying your value in the company, as well as the company's financial stance). Note that you don't have to deserve the raise in order to get it."

I'd bet you anything that this comment is from a man.  Women know exactly what they're facing in the workplace, yet men are still slow to recognize and acknowledge it. 

My two cents:

I couldn't agree more with this article.  As a women's career coach and work-life researcher, and from my national study with hundreds of professional women about the 12 hidden crises working women face today, it's abundantly clear - with research to support it.  Women are often viewed and evaluated negatively when displaying the exact same traits that successful professional men exhibit - speaking up, challenging, negotiating, using powerful language of leadership, etc. 

It IS a gender thing, folks.  But this doesn't mean men are out to get us.  Not at all.  This means that women are dealing with deeply-ingrained cultural stereotypes and gender role definitions that create challenges in terms of what women can successfully say and do in business, and how they're judged when they do it. 

So what to do about this?  Just what Ms. Johnson suggests...women must speak up for themselves, and be completely prepared for the consequences. We simply can't change this dynamic if we stay mum.  It's time for a breakthrough movement for women, and for that to occur, women have to act. 

Question of the week - As a working woman, are you able to speak up and negotiate for yourself well?  How does it go for you when you do?  Please share your tips and successes  - all comments are welcome!

In launching my new national research study on Women Succeeding Abundantly: Why and How They Do It, one key question we're addressing is: What is abundant success to you?

Here's my personal working definition:

Abundant success means that you are:

• Confident and complete in who you are
• Fully aligned and authentic in all roles you play in life and work
• Deeply appreciated and valued
• Comfortable, confident and empowered in your relationship with money
• Earning exactly what you want to be earning
• Outwardly honoring your inner values and principals
• Living full-out, with passion, power, and purpose
• Making a positive difference in the lives of others
• Consciously stretching to your full potential
• Aware of why you're on the planet, and living that purpose
• Conscious of the fact that you have full responsibility, ownership, and accountability for your life, and feel good about that knowledge
• Having a great time living the abundant life you've created, on your terms

To me, if you can say these things about yourself, abundant success is yours!

Please share your unique definition of abundant success.  I'd love to hear.  What is it, and are you living it?  If not, why not?  And if you are living your version of abundant success, please write to me at Kathy@elliacommunications.com.  I'd love to interview you!

Thanks, and here's to your abundant success,

Kathy

I've had some very interesting revelations this week about my business as it is today, and about those individuals with whom I resonate best and most, and where I dream to take my work in the next five years.

Here's what I realized:

1) I am where I am - that feels good

After an 18-year corporate career that was outwardly very "successful" but inwardly a very deep and long-lasting struggle, I spent eight years reinventing and transformed to a new professional identity I love.  I then became an "expert" and advocate of women's reinvention, because that's exactly what I'd done well -  breaking through the 12 "hidden" crises working women face today, and reclaiming my life.  I conducted a national research study with over 100 women to learn more about how to break through crisis and transform, and I wrote a book about it to help others do the same.  It's been all about breaking through.

2) But now I want to go somewhere else - and that feels better

Now, however, I want something else, something more than breakthrough, to offer others.  I consider myself "successful" both inwardly and outwardly, but now I am committed to ABUNDANT success - tremendous, free-flying, fantastic success (in key dimensions that matter to me) that blows my socks off with joy, fulfillment and empowerment.  I'm committed to creating a fantastically successful life and career.  I have new dreams - clear, crisp, and shiny.

To create/achieve that, I need more - more of myself, more knowledge, more insight, more strength, more energy, more perspective, more focus, and more risk.  To access that in myself, I'm doing what I love best to inspire me, yet again.  I'm reaching out to women I admire deeply - those who consider themselves abundantly success on their terms - and I'm learning from them.  I've found there are no better teachers than those you respect and admire who are doing what you'd like to, how you'd like to do it.

This week, I launched a new national research study Women Succeeding Abundantly - How and Why They Do It, and already, after just two interviews - Shama Kabani and Janet Hanson -  my socks have been blown off.  Why?  Because what I expect to hear from folks who've achieved something that I admire, is never what I end up hearing and learning.  It's all very new and different from what I assumed.  (Stay tuned for more on these powerful interviews).

It reminds me of a conversation I had with my sister when she was in high school and I in middle school.  She was imparting to me her pearls of wisdom about dating and popularity, and told me that where people stood in the dating pool resembled being on a rung of a big, universal ladder - you are where you are, but you want to date someone who is one rung higher than you (that's the dream anyway).  And you don't want to go down a rung on your ladder!

Funny, I feel like I'm on a ladder - not one about popularity or "hierarchy" but an "energetic" ladder representing where I am and where I want to go.  I'm standing on my rung, arms outstretched, reaching toward my next rung - my future self -- and am looking up, smiling and breathless.  I'm seeing on this rung other tremendously successful and empowered women who have carved out a BIG life on their terms, and are loving it and making it work abundantly. 

These women are having fantastic success in the key aspects of their lives that they care most about - whether that's family, home, personal, professional, financial, relationships, well-being, creativity, intimacy, contribution  - you name it, they're doing it.  These women don't subscribe to the notion that they can't have it all - they simply don't see it that way.  They believe in choosing to commit to the areas that mean the world to them, and then they going after these goals/outcomes with boundless gusto and commitment.

The lesson for me in all of this is - At any given moment, each of us is vibrating at certain energetic "level" that brings to us and creates in our lives exactly what we're ready for, deep-down.  But then - suddenly and inexplicably -- we want more and we want different, and we're ready to create it.

So it's time.  I want to step up to the next rung of the ladder of my life, to create abundant success.  I'm ready for the chin-up.  Are you?  Yes!!  Please come up with me!

Question of the week: What do you feel you're ready for now - what's your next "rung?"  What do you see for yourself and your life when you step onto that rung?  And will you commit to stepping up to it now?