Recently in Careers Category

What are the easiest ways to spot an ineffective career coach who won't be helpful in moving you forward? 

This week I heard from a lovely woman in another state who shared with me a story about a career coach she hired this year.  This coach, in the end, was of no help at all.  I have to say, if I've heard this once, I've heard it one hundred times.

The coach had her take a battery of expensive assessment tests, and the results showed that she was in the perfect job for herself.  The problem is, she's very unhappy in this profession of 30 years, and wants out (for a variety of well-founded reasons).  He also told her that due to her age (she's in late midlife), she'll have a hard time reinventing and finding a new job.  Wow, thanks a lot for the motivation and inspiration, sir!  While it's certainly true that reinventing in midlife has it deep challenges (I should know), where there's a will, there's a way.

I experienced a similar thing 10 years ago with a career counselor I hired.  At 40 years old, I felt sick, miserable, and depressed at my current line of work and job, which was marketing and product management for a leading membership services organization.  I had been in membership services for years, and lost all interest in it. I deeply longed for a new career direction, but couldn't figure out what to do.

After hundreds of dollars, several meetings, and a series of standardized assessment tests, the career counselor said, "Well, looks like your current job is perfect for you and meets all your needs." 

Are you kidding???  If it met all my needs, why do I want to poke my eye out with a stick!  Why do I hate it so much, and why am I "breaking down" from the stress, exhaustion, crushing competition, and lack of connection to my work?

The reason he arrived at the conclusion that my job was right for me involved his constricted perspective - an inability to think expansively about his client's potential and capabilities.  He was looking only at the person I projected at that moment, and taking into account my outwardly-stated needs, skills, and priorities, without looking at my potential.  It's understandable that I -- the client -- would have a limited perspective.  After all, it's natural to feel limited and blocked when we're stuck in a negative situation.  But for the career coach to be stuck with me in this limited view?  That's just bad coaching.

What I needed was a breakthrough - a "paradigm shift" that would allow me to see how much more I was capable of than my current views and experiences allowed.

How did the coaching process go wrong? 

The career coach and assessment tests I took identified my professional needs and talents as:

-       Wanting flexibility, family time, high pay

-       Avoiding extensive travel

-       Utilizing my well-honed marketing skills

-       Writing, copywriting, editing

-       Generating ideas and implementing new marketing strategies

-       Being creative - developing new products and enhancements

-       Leading/managing others successfully

-       Managing projects and budgets

-       Building client relationships

-       Nurturing ideas to fruition

-       Re-engineering and streamlining processes for greater efficacy

The thing he missed was that, while I was indeed tapping into various talents and skills I possess, I was pointing them in the wrong direction!  The work I was focused on felt absolutely meaningless to me - or worse - harmful to the community and world.  To me, what we were selling lacked any contributive value.  The sole point of my job was to sell membership services and to make money - regardless of whether these services were truly needed or beneficial in people's lives.

My career coach missed the most important aspect of what I wanted in my working life - to feel good about what I'm doing!

This coach also missed exploring three vital dimensions to a joyful and successful life and career:

-       Standards of integrity - HOW you want to live and work - the process of living, not just the content of it  (check out Maria Nemeth's book The Energy of Money for more about this!)

-       Life intentions - WHAT you want to create and give in my life, when all is said and done

-       Life purpose - THE UNIQUE PURPOSE of your life on this planet at this time

Career coaches who don't touch on the above aren't going to be successful for you. They disregard the most important dimensions of your career. 

My view is this - we did not come here on this planet at this time SIMPLY to pay the mortgage.  Yes, we must pay our bills, and handle our finances responsibly and accountably, but each of us is much more than a bank account.  We have talents, needs, perspectives, experiences, longings and gifts that coalesce into a special amalgam - the essence of you and what you want to give through your professional identity and endeavors.

So the next time you are looking for a career coach, please do me a favor...check out exactly what he/she will be helping you achieve - is it a new job that fits outwardly but leaves you feeling cold and depressed?  Or is it a career/job that you can sink your teeth into, that brings you passion, power, and purpose, and lets you connect with the most expansive version of yourself, each and every day?

And don't let a career coach work on your resume and social media profiles WITHOUT knowing who you really are on the inside, and what you care to give and be in the world.  If you create a new resume and direction without understanding and honoring the essence of you, you'll waste precious time and money.  Trust me on this one!

Share your stories!

I'd LOVE to hear from you about this issue.  Have you also had disappointing experiences with career coaches?  If so, what did they miss or how did they steer you wrong?  And on the contrary, have you had great experiences with a career coach?  Please comment here about what you've learned, so others can benefit from your experiences! Thanks SO much for your feedback.

Here's to a breakthrough this summer that brings you to the professional life you long for!

About the Author:

Kathy Caprino, M.A., is a nationally-recognized women's career and executive coach, speaker, and author of Breakdown, Breakthrough: The Professional Woman's Guide to Claiming a Life of Passion, Power, and Purpose.  Founder/President of Ellia Communications, Inc. -- a career and work-life coaching company dedicated to helping women achieve breakthrough to create life and work as they truly want it, Caprino is a trained psychotherapist, seasoned career coach, and sought-after writer and speaker on women's issues.  She is a popular blogger on women's career topics and trends, and as a top media source, she has appeared in more than 100 leading newspapers and magazines and on national radio and television.  Her current national research study focuses on Women Succeeding Abundantly, and explores the key actions, beliefs, and choices made by women of all ages who are creating tremendous success and fulfillment in their lives and careers, thriving and living joyfully on their own terms. 

For more information, visit www.elliacommunications.com or write to Kathy at Kathy@elliacommunications.com.

Last week, I held a free teleclass for women on the "5 Reasons You're Miserable at Work and What To Do About It," based on key findings from my national research with scores of working women across the country and my book Breakdown, Breakthrough.  More than 90 women signed up for the call, and they confirmed yet again what so many women have been unable able to say out loud until now, which is, "I'm unhappy at work, but I'm not sure exactly why or what to do about it!"

Whether you are a corporate professional, self-employed or in transition, if you need to find a different way to work, don't worry. Help is on the way!  And you're definitely not alone.

Below are what I've found to be the top five reasons so many women are dissatisfied and unfulfilled at work, along with concrete tips to revise your situation and change course today.

The top 5 reasons women are miserable at work are -

1. They find it impossible to balance work and family
2. They suffer from chronic financial distress
3. They struggle using skills and talents that aren't "natural" to them
4. They feel chronically undervalued and disrespected
5. They experience little joy or positive meaning in their work

If the above describes your experience, here are some tips to help you create an internal shift away from feeling trapped and disempowered, to feeling more confident, courageous and committed to making positive career change today. (And feel free to write me at Kathy@elliacommunications.com if you'd like a download of the recording of the teleclass).

Tips for Positive Career Change:

1) Gain More Work-Life Balance

Balance is not going to just fall in your lap.  You have to claim it, and commit to getting it.  How?  First, determine the three most important priorities you are committed to achieving in your personal and in your professional life.  What are the three things that are vital to you to bring about -- that matter more than anything else?  Formulate these in terms of "to be" statements such as "to be a loving mother or "to be a successful entrepreneur" or "to be a helper of others."

Uncover the three top achievements that you are longing to bring about in your life and work and that you will not compromise on.  Then commit yourself to these.  Discover where you are over-functioning (doing more than is necessary, more than is healthy, and more than is appropriate) in your life, your family, and work, and let go of being perfect in the areas that don't matter as much to you.  Once you take these steps, you'll find that balance comes more easily to you, because you are being guided each day by the knowledge of what you want to create, and knowing you are 1000% committed to doing it.

2) Get Healthy with Your Money

To get out of chronic financial distress, you must become intimately connected with your money and begin to recognize your real intrinsic worth.  First, create a solid budget with strong financial goals, and stick to it.  Examine your spending - are you buying things in order to soothe your soul?  If so, stop over-spending.  Look at your beliefs around money that you learned as a child from living with your family.  Are your beliefs about money positive or negative, expansive or constricting? Do you believe you deserve wealth and abundance, or are you ashamed of the money you have or don't have?  Overall, the key to overcoming chronic financial distress is to heal your relationship with money through positive and healthy beliefs, actions, and choices.  Once you create a supportive money relationship, you will no longer stay in jobs that create financial distress or drain you of joy and energy.  You'll know your worth, and begin claiming it, on your professional path and otherwise.

3) Use Skills that Are Fun and Natural

It's vitally important to understand exactly what talents and skills are easy and fun for you to use, and then find a way (either in your existing job or in a new field or job) to tap these talents more frequently at work.  To get more in touch with what you love to do and what comes easily, take my free Career Path Assessment.  Figure out what you want to do more of, less of, and never again!  Often, what you love to do and what comes easily to you were apparent in your childhood, so start there.  What did you thoroughly enjoy as a kid that people noticed, admired and praised?  You might also realize in doing this exercise that just because you're great at a task or endeavor at work doesn't mean you like to do it!  The key to an easier and happier work-life is to use talents that come naturally and are fun to you, so that each day feels like a joy, not a struggle.

4) Claim Your Self-Respect

If you're chronically undervalued or mistreated at work and want people to change their treatment of you, you must start with SELF-respect.  How do you gain self-respect?  Through courageous action that inspires your own self-esteem - action that you know you should be taking, but haven't found the nerve to take.  Now's the time to become more authentic and real in your work. Speak up about who you are and what's important to you.  Make yourself right, not wrong.  If you know something needs to be communicated, figure out a way to do it as soon as possible.  Find an advocate or mentor at work to help you speak up in the right way so that you will be heard and respected for your viewpoint.  Start enforcing your boundaries so that you know exactly what you will tolerate and accept from others, and what you won't. 

5) Find Work that Gives Your Life Joy and Meaning

It's a myth in our culture that we can't make good money doing what we love.  However, it takes grit, determination, and courage to pursue a path that you love and to make it work for you financially.  If you want more joy and meaning -- and financial success at the same time -- determine what endeavors and activities make you joyful in your life, and begin today to bringing these forward.  The key is to understand 1) the essence of what you want, and then 2) find the right form of it. For instance, you might love to sing (as I do), and wonder if singing to earn money would make you happy.  To find out if a new path is right for you, research, research, research - interview people in the field, read all about the art and craft of singing professionally, take classes, find a mentor, and determine a way to "try it on' before you leap.  You might discover that earning money singing as a full-time living isn't for you, but you love to do on a part-time or hobby basis.  If that's the case, join a volunteer or community singing group each week, and honor this as a heart-aligned endeavor. 

If you discover that you want a different line of work from your current job, create a plan that allows you to 1) research thoroughly what you want to do, 2) "try it on" as a volunteer or on part-time basis, then 3) commit to moving toward this new path with a solid financial plan, support of family and friends (and a coach if you'd like one), along with a step-by-step blueprint for what it will take to reinvent your career.

The Ultimate Outcome - Joy!

It's up to you to create a career that you love, and you can do it!  Start today.  Let the top five reasons you're miserable at work be the catalyst you need to change your career and change your life.  Trust me on this one...once you step up to creating a career that excites you, you'll reach new heights you never thought possible. 

About Kathy Caprino

Kathy Caprino, M.A., is a nationally-recognized women's career and executive coach, speaker, and author of Breakdown, Breakthrough: The Professional Woman's Guide to Claiming a Life of Passion, Power, and Purpose.  Founder/President of Ellia Communications, Inc. -- a career coaching company dedicated to helping women achieve breakthrough to create live and work as they truly want it, Caprino is a trained psychotherapist, seasoned career coach, and sought-after writer and speaker on women's issues.  She is a popular blogger on women's career topics and trends, and as a top media source, she has appeared in more than 100 leading newspapers and magazines and on national radio and television.  Her current national research study focuses on Women Succeeding Abundantly, and explores the key actions, beliefs, and choices made by women of all ages who are creating tremendous success and fulfillment in their lives and careers, thriving and living joyfully on their own terms. 

For more information on Ellia Communications'  breakthrough coaching programs and resources, please visit www.elliacommunications.com or write to Kathy at Kathy@elliacommunications.com.

Last week, I held a free teleclass for women on the "5 Reasons You're Miserable at Work and What To Do About It," based on key findings from my national research with scores of working women across the country and my book Breakdown, Breakthrough.  More than 90 women signed up for the call, and they confirmed yet again what so many women have been unable able to say out loud until now, which is, "I'm unhappy at work, but I'm not sure exactly why or what to do about it!"

Whether you are a corporate professional, self-employed or in transition, if you need to find a different way to work, don't worry. Help is on the way!  And you're definitely not alone.

Below are what I've found to be the top five reasons so many women are dissatisfied and unfulfilled at work, along with concrete tips to revise your situation and change course today.

The top 5 reasons women are miserable at work are -

1. They find it impossible to balance work and family

2. They suffer from chronic financial distress
3. They struggle using skills and talents that aren't "natural" to them
4. They feel chronically undervalued and disrespected
5. They experience little joy or positive meaning in their work

If the above describes your experience, here are some tips to help you create an internal shift away from feeling trapped and disempowered, to feeling more confident, courageous and committed to making positive career change today. (And feel free to write me at Kathy@elliacommunications.com if you'd like a download of the recording of the call).

Tips for Positive Career Change:

1) Gain More Work-Life Balance

Balance is not going to just fall in your lap.  You have to claim it, and commit to getting it.  How?  First, determine the three most important priorities you are committed to achieving in your personal and in your professional life.  What are the three things that are vital to you to bring about -- that matter more than anything else?  Formulate these in terms of "to be" statements such as "to be a loving mother or "to be a successful entrepreneur" or "to be a helper of others."

Uncover the three top achievements that you are longing to bring about in your life and work and that you will not compromise on.  Then commit yourself to these.  Discover where you are over-functioning (doing more than is necessary, more than is healthy, and more than is appropriate) in your life, your family, and work, and let go of being perfect in the areas that don't matter as much to you.  Once you take these steps, you'll find that balance comes more easily to you, because you are being guided each day by the knowledge of what you want to create, and knowing you are 1000% committed to doing it.

2) Get Healthy with Your Money

To get out of chronic financial distress, you must become intimately connected with your money and begin to recognize your real intrinsic worth.  First, create a solid budget with strong financial goals, and stick to it.  Examine your spending - are you buying things in order to soothe your soul?  If so, stop over-spending.  Look at your beliefs around money that you learned as a child from living with your family.  Are your beliefs about money positive or negative, expansive or constricting? Do you believe you deserve wealth and abundance, or are you ashamed of the money you have or don't have?  Overall, the key to overcoming chronic financial distress is to heal your relationship with money through positive and healthy beliefs, actions, and choices.  Once you create a supportive money relationship, you will no longer stay in jobs that create financial distress or drain you of joy and energy.  You'll know your worth, and begin claiming it, on your professional path and otherwise.

3) Use Skills that Are Fun and Natural - 

It's vitally important to understand exactly what talents and skills are easy and fun for you to use, and then find a way (either in your existing job or in a new field or job) to tap these talents more frequently at work.  To get more in touch with what you love to do and what comes easily, take my free Career Path Assessment.  Figure out what you want to do more of, less of, and never again!  Often, what you love to do and what comes easily to you were apparent in your childhood, so start there.  What did you thoroughly enjoy as a kid that people noticed, admired and praised?  You might also realize in doing this exercise that just because you're great at a task or endeavor at work doesn't mean you like to do it!  The key to an easier and happier work-life is to use talents that come naturally and are fun to you, so that each day feels like a joy, not a struggle.

4) Claim Your Self-Respect

If you're chronically undervalued or mistreated at work and want people to change their treatment of you, you must start with SELF-respect.  How do you gain self-respect?  Through courageous action that inspires your own self-esteem - action that you know you should be taking, but haven't found the nerve to take.  Now's the time to become more authentic and real in your work. Speak up about who you are and what's important to you.  Make yourself right, not wrong.  If you know something needs to be communicated, figure out a way to do it as soon as possible.  Find an advocate or mentor at work to help you speak up in the right way so that you will be heard and respected for your viewpoint.  Start enforcing your boundaries so that you know exactly what you will tolerate and accept from others, and what you won't. 

5) Find Work that Gives Your Life Joy and Meaning

It's a myth in our culture that we can't make good money doing what we love.  However, it takes grit, determination, and courage to pursue a path that you love and to make it work for you financially.  If you want more joy and meaning -- and financial success at the same time -- determine what endeavors and activities make you joyful in your life, and begin today to bringing these forward.  The key is to understand 1) the essence of what you want, and then 2) find the right form of it. For instance, you might love to sing (as I do), and wonder if singing to earn money would make you happy.  To find out if a new path is right for you, research, research, research - interview people in the field, read all about the art and craft of singing professionally, take classes, find a mentor, and determine a way to "try it on' before you leap.  You might discover that earning money singing as a full-time living isn't for you, but you love to do on a part-time or hobby basis.  If that's the case, join a volunteer or community singing group each week, and honor this as a heart-aligned endeavor. 

If you discover that you want a different line of work from your current job, create a plan that allows you to 1) research thoroughly what you want to do, 2) "try it on" as a volunteer or on part-time basis, then 3) commit to moving toward this new path with a solid financial plan, support of family and friends (and a coach if you'd like one), along with a step-by-step blueprint for what it will take to reinvent your career.

The Ultimate Outcome - Joy!

It's up to you to create a career that you love, and you can do it!  Start today.  Let the top five reasons you're miserable at work be the catalyst you need to change your career and change your life.  Trust me on this one...once you step up to creating a career that excites you, you'll reach new heights you never thought possible. 

In my personal experience, there were some very heavy blocks that kept me from realizing with clarity and confidence that I wanted out of my corporate marketing career, and from taking forward-moving action to get out.

 My blocks were:

1) Time - I had invested so much time in building a marketing career (18 years, in fact), that it seemed ludicrous to "throw it all away."

2) Ego - My ego told me that I had worked so hard to achieve a powerful position in the corporate hierarchy (in my last corporate position, I was a Vice President), that I didn't want to step back and be a beginner again, and lose so much ground

3) Confusion - If I were to chuck this professional identity, what would I do instead?  Despite years of trying to answer this question, I couldn't figure out.  Sure, I fantasized about being in the film industry or doing something exciting and glamorous - but what did I really want to do?  What would I do if I won the lottery?  I couldn't find a new path that made sense.

4) Money - I earned a lot, and believed I needed every cent of that to provide myself and my family the living we needed and wanted

5) Going against the pack - Most people in our lives want us to do the safe, reasonable and secure thing.  They don't want us to suffer, or to lose everything.  So they tell us - strongly and loudly - to play it safe. 

6) The unknown - finally, I didn't want to change because I wanted what I had to work out for me, despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary.  Truthfully, I was scared to death to leap into the unknown.

Now, eight years into my career reinvention, I see things differently.  I can say that none of the reasons above are sufficient to keep you stuck in a career you hate.  Loosen the vice-like grip these fears have on your life, your soul, your mind, and your livelihood, and you'll find the courage and energy to begin to change your career, and change your life.

So here's a new way to look at the challenges above:

TIME:

Every minute you DON'T make the changes you long for, is a minute you spend holding yourself back from the growth and expansion that you know - deep down - that you need and want.  Also, after revising your career to something you like better, you'll find that you will use fully and joyfully each and every heart-felt talent and skill that you worked so hard to develop in the past.

EGO:

Achievements are - in the end -- meaningless if they don't resonate with your heart and soul.  Don't let your ego lead you around by the nose.  If it does, you'll find that your hard-won recognition and achievement will leave you feeling empty and sad.

CONFUSION:

Yes, it's hard to sort out the "sounds-great!" career change ideas from those that will really make you happy.  It's hard, but not impossible.  Find some great coaching and mentoring help today to do it.  Get unconfused.

MONEY:

We all want and need money.  The question is - how much do you truly need to make to be happy, fulfilled, and enjoy your life?  And what is your relationship with money - is it healthy and balanced, or are you a slave to it, addicted to having "things" surround you, because in fact, you feel depleted and joyless?

THE PACK:

The pack mentality is a fear-based, group think that doesn't support innovation, individuality, and risk.  So which type of person do you want to be- a pack-like follower, or a cutting-edge thinker and leader?

THE UNKNOWN:

Here's a fascinating truth- it's ALL unknown, folks.  If you think you've got it figured out, and that what you carved out for yourself is going to be constant and unchanging, please do think again.  Life is change.  The universe WILL deliver to you continual opportunities for you to experience your own adaptability and resilience.  So, what would you rather do - embrace your resilience and proactively find a new path now that brings you joy, or do nothing, and let life foist change on you?

If you truly want a career change, I hope you'll begin on a path today to making it happen.  Help is all around you!

I'd love to know what holds you back MOST from taking action to change your career, and what you need specifically to help you move forward? 

Please share your comments below - I LOVE your input (and it will help me deliver a fantastically powerful career-change program this summer)! 

Thank you!

I love reading Penelope Trunk's posts - they're always thought-provoking, controversial and stimulating.  I'm thankful that she has a large voice and an even larger audience because she is able to prod so many of us to think about what we truly believe, in comparison with and contrast to her very strident views.

I must say, though, that her recent post on BNET - Terrible Career Advice Women Give Each Other - really got me going, and I have a feeling it will arouse a vigorous response from you too.

Please do check it out!  And read my comments on her post here:

_______________________________________________________

So folks, I'd LOVE to hear from you.  PLEASE! leave a comment below.  What do you think about Penelope's views, and mine.  Share your voice! 

Give us some great career advice for women - puleese!

I've had some very interesting revelations this week about my business as it is today, and about those individuals with whom I resonate best and most, and where I dream to take my work in the next five years.

Here's what I realized:

1) I am where I am - that feels good

After an 18-year corporate career that was outwardly very "successful" but inwardly a very deep and long-lasting struggle, I spent eight years reinventing and transformed to a new professional identity I love.  I then became an "expert" and advocate of women's reinvention, because that's exactly what I'd done well -  breaking through the 12 "hidden" crises working women face today, and reclaiming my life.  I conducted a national research study with over 100 women to learn more about how to break through crisis and transform, and I wrote a book about it to help others do the same.  It's been all about breaking through.

2) But now I want to go somewhere else - and that feels better

Now, however, I want something else, something more than breakthrough, to offer others.  I consider myself "successful" both inwardly and outwardly, but now I am committed to ABUNDANT success - tremendous, free-flying, fantastic success (in key dimensions that matter to me) that blows my socks off with joy, fulfillment and empowerment.  I'm committed to creating a fantastically successful life and career.  I have new dreams - clear, crisp, and shiny.

To create/achieve that, I need more - more of myself, more knowledge, more insight, more strength, more energy, more perspective, more focus, and more risk.  To access that in myself, I'm doing what I love best to inspire me, yet again.  I'm reaching out to women I admire deeply - those who consider themselves abundantly success on their terms - and I'm learning from them.  I've found there are no better teachers than those you respect and admire who are doing what you'd like to, how you'd like to do it.

This week, I launched a new national research study Women Succeeding Abundantly - How and Why They Do It, and already, after just two interviews - Shama Kabani and Janet Hanson -  my socks have been blown off.  Why?  Because what I expect to hear from folks who've achieved something that I admire, is never what I end up hearing and learning.  It's all very new and different from what I assumed.  (Stay tuned for more on these powerful interviews).

It reminds me of a conversation I had with my sister when she was in high school and I in middle school.  She was imparting to me her pearls of wisdom about dating and popularity, and told me that where people stood in the dating pool resembled being on a rung of a big, universal ladder - you are where you are, but you want to date someone who is one rung higher than you (that's the dream anyway).  And you don't want to go down a rung on your ladder!

Funny, I feel like I'm on a ladder - not one about popularity or "hierarchy" but an "energetic" ladder representing where I am and where I want to go.  I'm standing on my rung, arms outstretched, reaching toward my next rung - my future self -- and am looking up, smiling and breathless.  I'm seeing on this rung other tremendously successful and empowered women who have carved out a BIG life on their terms, and are loving it and making it work abundantly. 

These women are having fantastic success in the key aspects of their lives that they care most about - whether that's family, home, personal, professional, financial, relationships, well-being, creativity, intimacy, contribution  - you name it, they're doing it.  These women don't subscribe to the notion that they can't have it all - they simply don't see it that way.  They believe in choosing to commit to the areas that mean the world to them, and then they going after these goals/outcomes with boundless gusto and commitment.

The lesson for me in all of this is - At any given moment, each of us is vibrating at certain energetic "level" that brings to us and creates in our lives exactly what we're ready for, deep-down.  But then - suddenly and inexplicably -- we want more and we want different, and we're ready to create it.

So it's time.  I want to step up to the next rung of the ladder of my life, to create abundant success.  I'm ready for the chin-up.  Are you?  Yes!!  Please come up with me!

Question of the week: What do you feel you're ready for now - what's your next "rung?"  What do you see for yourself and your life when you step onto that rung?  And will you commit to stepping up to it now?

In a powerful article in the Harvard Business Review called "Women and the Labyrinth of Leadership" authors and researchers Drs. Alice Eagly and Linda Carli explore women, leadership and gender equality, and observe that "signs of a pause in progress toward gender equality have appeared on many fronts."  They speculate about the causes of this slowing of progress, and indicate:

"It may simply be that women are collectively catching their breath before pressing for more change. In the past century, feminist activism arose when women came to view themselves as collectively subjected to illegitimate and unfair treatment.  But recent polls show less conviction about the presence of discrimination, and feminism does not have the cultural relevance it once had. The lessening of activism on behalf of all women puts pressure on each woman to find her own way."

This statement coincides precisely with what I've observed in my research with hundreds of working women over these past several years.  I've noticed that while throngs of women are more than willing to share their stories of traumatic challenge and crisis, they are not at all ready to stand up and fight for what they need and want. 

When I speak with executive women at Fortune 100 companies, for instance, the depth of despair is palpable about how challenging and out of control their lives are, but the courageous stand-up-and-fight mentality is not present.  They're still afraid to speak up.

An inspiring friend and colleague of mine, Krista Reiner, who supports authors in expanding their platforms and audiences to the next level, asked me today, "Does there have to be crisis and conflict in order for change to come about?"  I say yes, because change is incredibly difficult and frightening to most people.  Significant social change comes only after struggle and conflict.  Social change is generated when there is a collective commitment to bringing about a dramatic shift away from what is no longer tolerable, fair, or viable.

If you think about yourself and all the women you know, how would you answer these questions?

- By and large, are we fulfilled with our lives and our careers?

- If not, are we taking solid, powerful action to change our lives?

- Do we know what we want, and have a plan to get it?

When I went through my worst heartbreaking and crushing crises in the late 1990s up through 9/11, I'd have to answer the above questions with a resounding "NO!"  I was miserable and chronically sick, but despite some feeble efforts here and there, I simply didn't take enough forward-moving action to create any real change at all. 

Why?  Because deep down, I didn't want to do it.  I wanted what I had to work for me.  I didn't want to give up all that I thought I'd achieved after years of hard work (money, "security," self-esteem from being an executive, power, etc.).  What I know now is that the very things that held me hostage in a crushing life were the things I was most afraid of giving up.

If this resonates with you, I hope and pray that you'll take some courageous action today.  Let's activate ourselves toward change - let's become activists in our own lives.  Please don't wait until you have one of the hidden crises (or all 12 - as I did) that working women face today.  Please...take action and make a change and speak up for your life today.

I'd love to hear your views about what holds you back from making change in your life.  Are you too stressed to do it, or just catching your breath?  Is change just around the corner for you or do you have to fight for it?   Please share your thoughts. 

I hold onto the belief that a breakthrough movement for women is just one breath away.  Let's take the breath.

I recently penned a cover article called "Women in Today's Workforce Have Unique Opportunities: A New Call to Action for Women - And Employers" (see page 20-24) for CA Employer, the monthly newsletter of Employers Group (www.employersgroup.com). 

The article shares critical information about the 12 common crises working women face today, as well as 8 recommended approaches for employers to take that will help women not only survive the current challenges they face, but ultimately thrive in their professional roles.  These recommendations are based on six years of research with professional women, as well as coaching and seminar work with thousands.

I'd love to hear your views about this article, and my recommendations.  Do your personal experiences as a working woman match the crises and challenges I describe?  And do you believe that the initiatives recommended would go the distance in helping you as a working woman overcome your challenges effectively?  If not, what would you suggest employers do - specifically and tactically - to support women in overcoming the obstacles they face.

Please share your experiences, insights and viewpoints.  Add your voice to the discussion, and your recommendations to the research.  Diversity of thinking is so vital today, and a real, authentic, and contemporary dialogue about what career women are facing is needed.

I was very happy to see that in a recent NY Times article, the widespread phenomenon of women bullying other women at work was explored in depth.  It touched on the various factors that contribute to and exacerbate women bullying women, and I'd like to add my two cents.

In my 18-year corporate life, I experienced a great deal of bullying from women, most of which came from female bosses and a handful of "equals" in the political hierarchy.  These experiences were traumatic, and I had no clue how to effectively navigate through them, mostly because they were so surprising and painful, and also because these women wielded great power and authority in the organization.  It felt like these ladies were "out to get me" or simply relished being cruel, but I always questioned how or why this could be.

I was, for the most part, strong and authoritative at work, and often, that strength would beget jealousy and anger from my female coworkers (interestingly, not from my male colleagues or bosses, who seemed to enjoy and respect the strength and confidence).

Once, one of my female counterparts in marketing indicated to me - in a cruel way - that an email I had sent to senior management (about my belief that we needed to explore a new business model as the current one was at risk of obsolescence), had been the "nail in my coffin."  I hadn't known I was in a coffin!  I realize now that she was an active participant in building this "coffin" and driving the nail even further with her mighty hammer!

Please don't get me wrong - I'm no saint.  I did my share of back-stabbing too.  But after years of work (therapy training helped!), I've gained critical awareness of when I'm at risk of putting other women down.  Also, I feel better about myself than I did in the past, which makes room for empathy and compassion rather than cruelty.  I have a new-found vigilance about not allowing that cruel, back-stabbing, insecure little girl in me get the better of me, when I feel afraid or threatened.  I slip up sometimes, but I'm working on it.

So why do women hurt other women at work?  I could write a whole book about this, but I believe there are some potent underlying reasons:

·     Women are experiencing enormous pressure and stress (more now than ever), and haven't learned effective ways to deal with it, so they turn on others

·     Women target other women because they feel insecure, and also believe women won't fight back as hard as men will

·     Women continually feel threatened and anxious in their positions in the workplace, and have a mentality of  "it's you or me" with regard to women

·     Corporations, from the top, often encourage this type of competitive warfare and infighting

·     There are precious few forums for women at work to experience each other as supportive, empathetic, and encouraging

·     From an early age, girls/women have been culturally trained to deal with their anger and insecurity through insidious ways -- back-stabbing and gossiping, etc. -- rather than dealing with their problems and conflicts head-on, directly, and overtly.

I'd love to see in my lifetime a reversal of this damaging trend for women at work (and in the world at large).  Can women evolve, stretch, and grow to the point where their deepest wish is to help and support other women, rather than hurt and diminish them? Can they learn to deal with their own insecurities and anxieties in more positive ways?

What do you think is at the heart of women bullying women at work, and what can we do about it?  Please share - we need to fuel a powerful dialog on this issue, and continue to create positive movement.