Recently in Careers Category

I've had some very interesting revelations this week about my business as it is today, and about those individuals with whom I resonate best and most, and where I dream to take my work in the next five years.

Here's what I realized:

1) I am where I am - that feels good

After an 18-year corporate career that was outwardly very "successful" but inwardly a very deep and long-lasting struggle, I spent eight years reinventing and transformed to a new professional identity I love.  I then became an "expert" and advocate of women's reinvention, because that's exactly what I'd done well -  breaking through the 12 "hidden" crises working women face today, and reclaiming my life.  I conducted a national research study with over 100 women to learn more about how to break through crisis and transform, and I wrote a book about it to help others do the same.  It's been all about breaking through.

2) But now I want to go somewhere else - and that feels better

Now, however, I want something else, something more than breakthrough, to offer others.  I consider myself "successful" both inwardly and outwardly, but now I am committed to ABUNDANT success - tremendous, free-flying, fantastic success (in key dimensions that matter to me) that blows my socks off with joy, fulfillment and empowerment.  I'm committed to creating a fantastically successful life and career.  I have new dreams - clear, crisp, and shiny.

To create/achieve that, I need more - more of myself, more knowledge, more insight, more strength, more energy, more perspective, more focus, and more risk.  To access that in myself, I'm doing what I love best to inspire me, yet again.  I'm reaching out to women I admire deeply - those who consider themselves abundantly success on their terms - and I'm learning from them.  I've found there are no better teachers than those you respect and admire who are doing what you'd like to, how you'd like to do it.

This week, I launched a new national research study Women Succeeding Abundantly - How and Why They Do It, and already, after just two interviews - Shama Kabani and Janet Hanson -  my socks have been blown off.  Why?  Because what I expect to hear from folks who've achieved something that I admire, is never what I end up hearing and learning.  It's all very new and different from what I assumed.  (Stay tuned for more on these powerful interviews).

It reminds me of a conversation I had with my sister when she was in high school and I in middle school.  She was imparting to me her pearls of wisdom about dating and popularity, and told me that where people stood in the dating pool resembled being on a rung of a big, universal ladder - you are where you are, but you want to date someone who is one rung higher than you (that's the dream anyway).  And you don't want to go down a rung on your ladder!

Funny, I feel like I'm on a ladder - not one about popularity or "hierarchy" but an "energetic" ladder representing where I am and where I want to go.  I'm standing on my rung, arms outstretched, reaching toward my next rung - my future self -- and am looking up, smiling and breathless.  I'm seeing on this rung other tremendously successful and empowered women who have carved out a BIG life on their terms, and are loving it and making it work abundantly. 

These women are having fantastic success in the key aspects of their lives that they care most about - whether that's family, home, personal, professional, financial, relationships, well-being, creativity, intimacy, contribution  - you name it, they're doing it.  These women don't subscribe to the notion that they can't have it all - they simply don't see it that way.  They believe in choosing to commit to the areas that mean the world to them, and then they going after these goals/outcomes with boundless gusto and commitment.

The lesson for me in all of this is - At any given moment, each of us is vibrating at certain energetic "level" that brings to us and creates in our lives exactly what we're ready for, deep-down.  But then - suddenly and inexplicably -- we want more and we want different, and we're ready to create it.

So it's time.  I want to step up to the next rung of the ladder of my life, to create abundant success.  I'm ready for the chin-up.  Are you?  Yes!!  Please come up with me!

Question of the week: What do you feel you're ready for now - what's your next "rung?"  What do you see for yourself and your life when you step onto that rung?  And will you commit to stepping up to it now?

In a powerful article in the Harvard Business Review called "Women and the Labyrinth of Leadership" authors and researchers Drs. Alice Eagly and Linda Carli explore women, leadership and gender equality, and observe that "signs of a pause in progress toward gender equality have appeared on many fronts."  They speculate about the causes of this slowing of progress, and indicate:

"It may simply be that women are collectively catching their breath before pressing for more change. In the past century, feminist activism arose when women came to view themselves as collectively subjected to illegitimate and unfair treatment.  But recent polls show less conviction about the presence of discrimination, and feminism does not have the cultural relevance it once had. The lessening of activism on behalf of all women puts pressure on each woman to find her own way."

This statement coincides precisely with what I've observed in my research with hundreds of working women over these past several years.  I've noticed that while throngs of women are more than willing to share their stories of traumatic challenge and crisis, they are not at all ready to stand up and fight for what they need and want. 

When I speak with executive women at Fortune 100 companies, for instance, the depth of despair is palpable about how challenging and out of control their lives are, but the courageous stand-up-and-fight mentality is not present.  They're still afraid to speak up.

An inspiring friend and colleague of mine, Krista Reiner, who supports authors in expanding their platforms and audiences to the next level, asked me today, "Does there have to be crisis and conflict in order for change to come about?"  I say yes, because change is incredibly difficult and frightening to most people.  Significant social change comes only after struggle and conflict.  Social change is generated when there is a collective commitment to bringing about a dramatic shift away from what is no longer tolerable, fair, or viable.

If you think about yourself and all the women you know, how would you answer these questions?

- By and large, are we fulfilled with our lives and our careers?

- If not, are we taking solid, powerful action to change our lives?

- Do we know what we want, and have a plan to get it?

When I went through my worst heartbreaking and crushing crises in the late 1990s up through 9/11, I'd have to answer the above questions with a resounding "NO!"  I was miserable and chronically sick, but despite some feeble efforts here and there, I simply didn't take enough forward-moving action to create any real change at all. 

Why?  Because deep down, I didn't want to do it.  I wanted what I had to work for me.  I didn't want to give up all that I thought I'd achieved after years of hard work (money, "security," self-esteem from being an executive, power, etc.).  What I know now is that the very things that held me hostage in a crushing life were the things I was most afraid of giving up.

If this resonates with you, I hope and pray that you'll take some courageous action today.  Let's activate ourselves toward change - let's become activists in our own lives.  Please don't wait until you have one of the hidden crises (or all 12 - as I did) that working women face today.  Please...take action and make a change and speak up for your life today.

I'd love to hear your views about what holds you back from making change in your life.  Are you too stressed to do it, or just catching your breath?  Is change just around the corner for you or do you have to fight for it?   Please share your thoughts. 

I hold onto the belief that a breakthrough movement for women is just one breath away.  Let's take the breath.

I recently penned a cover article called "Women in Today's Workforce Have Unique Opportunities: A New Call to Action for Women - And Employers" (see page 20-24) for CA Employer, the monthly newsletter of Employers Group (www.employersgroup.com). 

The article shares critical information about the 12 common crises working women face today, as well as 8 recommended approaches for employers to take that will help women not only survive the current challenges they face, but ultimately thrive in their professional roles.  These recommendations are based on six years of research with professional women, as well as coaching and seminar work with thousands.

I'd love to hear your views about this article, and my recommendations.  Do your personal experiences as a working woman match the crises and challenges I describe?  And do you believe that the initiatives recommended would go the distance in helping you as a working woman overcome your challenges effectively?  If not, what would you suggest employers do - specifically and tactically - to support women in overcoming the obstacles they face.

Please share your experiences, insights and viewpoints.  Add your voice to the discussion, and your recommendations to the research.  Diversity of thinking is so vital today, and a real, authentic, and contemporary dialogue about what career women are facing is needed.

I was very happy to see that in a recent NY Times article, the widespread phenomenon of women bullying other women at work was explored in depth.  It touched on the various factors that contribute to and exacerbate women bullying women, and I'd like to add my two cents.

In my 18-year corporate life, I experienced a great deal of bullying from women, most of which came from female bosses and a handful of "equals" in the political hierarchy.  These experiences were traumatic, and I had no clue how to effectively navigate through them, mostly because they were so surprising and painful, and also because these women wielded great power and authority in the organization.  It felt like these ladies were "out to get me" or simply relished being cruel, but I always questioned how or why this could be.

I was, for the most part, strong and authoritative at work, and often, that strength would beget jealousy and anger from my female coworkers (interestingly, not from my male colleagues or bosses, who seemed to enjoy and respect the strength and confidence).

Once, one of my female counterparts in marketing indicated to me - in a cruel way - that an email I had sent to senior management (about my belief that we needed to explore a new business model as the current one was at risk of obsolescence), had been the "nail in my coffin."  I hadn't known I was in a coffin!  I realize now that she was an active participant in building this "coffin" and driving the nail even further with her mighty hammer!

Please don't get me wrong - I'm no saint.  I did my share of back-stabbing too.  But after years of work (therapy training helped!), I've gained critical awareness of when I'm at risk of putting other women down.  Also, I feel better about myself than I did in the past, which makes room for empathy and compassion rather than cruelty.  I have a new-found vigilance about not allowing that cruel, back-stabbing, insecure little girl in me get the better of me, when I feel afraid or threatened.  I slip up sometimes, but I'm working on it.

So why do women hurt other women at work?  I could write a whole book about this, but I believe there are some potent underlying reasons:

·     Women are experiencing enormous pressure and stress (more now than ever), and haven't learned effective ways to deal with it, so they turn on others

·     Women target other women because they feel insecure, and also believe women won't fight back as hard as men will

·     Women continually feel threatened and anxious in their positions in the workplace, and have a mentality of  "it's you or me" with regard to women

·     Corporations, from the top, often encourage this type of competitive warfare and infighting

·     There are precious few forums for women at work to experience each other as supportive, empathetic, and encouraging

·     From an early age, girls/women have been culturally trained to deal with their anger and insecurity through insidious ways -- back-stabbing and gossiping, etc. -- rather than dealing with their problems and conflicts head-on, directly, and overtly.

I'd love to see in my lifetime a reversal of this damaging trend for women at work (and in the world at large).  Can women evolve, stretch, and grow to the point where their deepest wish is to help and support other women, rather than hurt and diminish them? Can they learn to deal with their own insecurities and anxieties in more positive ways?

What do you think is at the heart of women bullying women at work, and what can we do about it?  Please share - we need to fuel a powerful dialog on this issue, and continue to create positive movement.

After spending eight years reinventing myself from a corporate VP to an entrepreneur, women's career and life coach, author, speaker and women's work-life expert, I've made a good number of huge mistakes and missteps that have tripped me up, and at times, caused me to hang my head in my hands in despair.  I don't believe in regret, and I do think that each and every one of these lessons has made me stronger, more expansive, more connected to who I really am, and ultimately more confident in my abilities to direct my life with satisfaction and joy.

Here are what I've learned are the top five mistakes to avoid when in career transition and embarking on professional reinvention.  I've lived through these mistakes myself, and am stronger for it...but you don't have to!

Mistake #1:

Don't have a "build it and they will come" mentality without utilizing powerful financial, professional, and business-building tactics and strategies

Don't make the mistake of confusing wishful thinking with powerful strategies for moving forward.  Certainly, faith and optimism are essential, but so are sound business and professional goals, plans and tactics, developed with deep know-how and expertise (your own or a great consulting partner), fueled by conscious intention and fierce commitment.

Mistake #2:

Don't underestimate how long it will take you to build a successful new career

Leave your ego at the door when you're evaluating how long full reinvention will take.  Get advice from true experts in the field on the amount of time it will take to launch your new career, and make it very successful.  It's been said that becoming an expert in a field takes 10 years (I believe that's true), and creating a self-sustaining small consulting practice often takes at least five years.

Mistake #3:

Don't neglect having a Plan B, and moving to it when it's time

In my book Breakdown, Breakthrough, I talk about what it takes to reinvent yourself.  Often it requires that you simply refuse to let in (mentally, emotionally, or spiritually) the possibility that you will fail (see Chapter 11 about the amazing comedian Monique Marvez's journey to hell and back).  If you want something badly enough, most likely you'll find a way to get it.  However, if you have a family to support, and other critical financial and other obligations that you feel you must fulfill in life, then you need a Plan B that will get you through the tough financial times.  Use Plan B to help you stay afloat while all along moving forward to your career dreams.

Mistake #4

Don't wait too long to correct your course when you misstep or discover steps on your new path that are wrong for you

Set milestones ("I will achieve this by this date," etc.), and review your progess frequently.   If you're way off course, you need to course-correct.  Also, if where you're going ends up feeling wrong, don't keep going in the same direction.  Don't make yourself "wrong" for how you feel.   Realize a change is necessary, and power up to make that change.

Mistake #5

Don't forget: A fantastic life takes fantastic risks

There's an enormous difference between a "job" and a "calling."  Neither is better or worse - it simply depends on what you want for your life, based on your values and priorities.  If it's a calling you wish to follow, know now that it will require everything you've got to give, and then some.  Please don't expect a fantastic life without understanding that you must risk a great deal to live your life on the cutting edge of experience.

Other lessons I've learned through my eight-year reinvention:

1. There will be times (many, in fact) that you have no idea what to do, and despite all your efforts, you fail at the task at hand
2. If you don't remain "teachable" at all times, you'll suffer
3. If you think you're immune (to anything - the economy, challenges in the workplace, problems in building your business to a satisfactory level) you're wrong
4. When you lose your compassion for others who are challenged in their reinvention or in their efforts to launch themselves successfully, you'll suddenly experience something that brings you back to humility
5. You'll need faith, patience, and perseverance in greater supply than you ever thought possible
6. It's not all up to you
7. Reaching out for help is essential when you're not where you want to be
8. Being part of a like-minded community that offers support, guidance, and encouragement is a blessing and a good business strategy
9. Career reinventing is a life-long process (not a one-time deal), and once you embark on it, it changes you forever.  It's a process that leads you to feel so appreciative of all that you are - flaws, gifts, strengths, blindspots and all - and so excited for each new day that brings you closer to yourself.
10. Reinvention is not for the faint of heart, but oh my...if you're up for it, what gifts it brings.

Wishing you many a very happy reinvention!

In the past several months, I've worked with a great number of clients who have found themselves at what seems to be a complete dead-end professionally.  Avenues they were fully passionate about pursuing (and would have allowed for successful employment only a year ago) have dried up, with precious few opportunities remaining, for the time being.  As we know, the world has changed.

For example, one of my clients reinvented herself completely over the past several years, from market research director to science teacher, only to find there are simply no jobs available in her geographic region.  Another client is crystal clear that she wants to write as a profession, but feels that starting up now as a freelance writer, given the implosion of the publishing world as we know it, would be a recipe for disaster.

What should we do when the path we desperately long to pursue is blockaded?  I say we turn a corner, take a fork in the road, and re-direct -- ultimately find a revised path that allows you to succeed in these times, while honoring your authentic values.  There isn't only one job in the world that will make you happy, or one career path (I feel this is true about choosing a mate as well - there isn't just one person with whom you could build a happy, fulfilled life.)

So often, we become overly-attached to what we think will make us happy or get us out of our misery, and we miss the (rescue) boat completely.  What's that story, about the man who finds himself in a flood, with water covering his home?  I think it goes something like this...

As the flood occurred, the man said to himself, "I know God will save me.  I won't worry."  But as the water rose, things become dire.  First, someone offers the man a hand to take him to higher ground, but the man says, "No thanks, I'm waiting for God to save me."  As the water flooded his home, a group in a rowboat came by, and shouted, "Come on, come in the boat with us and be saved!"  The man said, "No thank you, I'm waiting for God to save me." A day later, as the man clung to the roof of his house, a helicopter came to save him.  He yelled to the pilot, "No thank you, I'm waiting for God to save me."  The man drowned. 

When he saw God in heaven, he said, "Why didn't you save me??" God replied, "I sent three forms of rescue...it was up to you to take them."

So the question is...what forms of rescue can you find that will keep your heart and soul intact while also keeping you afloat, financially, emotionally, and spiritually?  Open your heart and mind to new avenues, and they will become apparent.

What rescue options have you pursued lately, and how have they worked out?

I'm so grateful for this review and really enjoy Anita's work on her blog:
http://www.45things.com/2008/12/can-losing-job-save-your-life.php

Thanks, Anita!