Kathy Caprino

If You Want Free Consulting, Don't Ask Me

2010-07-17T18:20:36Z

Today I read a great blog post by Peter Shankman - a well-known entrepreneur, author, speaker, and "worldwide connector," about his recent tweet that said this:

I love this message, and I completely understand where Peter is coming from. I also love that Peter commands $400 an hour, and is not ashamed to state it openly.

Scores of folks agreed with Peter - more than 100 people retweeted his message, supporting it with gusto. But at least one woman REALLY didn't like what she read. In her blog post about it, she indicated that she thought Peter had grown too big for his britches with his social media fame and that he was, in fact, arrogant and rude to tweet this.

After reading Peter's blog response to her and hers back, I'm still not 100% clear what she thought was rude and arrogant. But I think it's about 1) his stating that he won't help folks for free, and 2) that he commands $400 an hour (much more than what many people can charge and what many people can pay) and wasn't shy to express that.

Peter's blog response clarified his thoughts on the whole matter, and after reading his message, I liked him even more!

So here are my two cents on this issue:

1) I have been inundated this past year with requests - from organizations, individuals, agencies, women's groups and colleagues -- for all types of FREE coaching and consulting help, and frankly, I'm tired of it.

2) Bravo to Peter Shankman for charging $400/hour, and having clients clamor for him, and pay that fee happily, because they feel he's worth it

3) Bravo to Peter for telling it like it is for him, out loud and proud

4) For those who are uncomfortable with that, I'd suggest taking a deep look inside to identify exactly what makes you squeamish about it. I'd guess it has do with that fact that a) you don't command those fees and can't imagine doing so, or b) you're asking all sorts of people for free help without offering to give something back, or c) you're giving all sorts of free help, and you're tired of it, or d) you're uncomfortable in the presence of people who know their worth and aren't hesitant to shout it from the rooftops.

Today was a turning point for me on this issue. I've decided (after one final straw that really got my goat) that this is my last day of giving my time away for free for my consulting or coaching. I'm done with it! My services, my time, my insights, my approach, my talents - they've all come hard-earned after years of training, hard work, research, and dedication, and I'm done with devaluing them by giving them away for free. Of course, I'll continue as I always have contributing pro bono work to the community as I choose to, where I choose to -- to special agencies and organizations that empower women and support those in need and who are disadvantaged.

But in my private practice, I'm committed to being vigilant about maintaining a healthy pricing discipline (very hard for women to do, in general, I've found). After all, you don't walk into a car dealership wanting a shiny new car and ask to pay nothing for it, do you? And you don't go to your dermatologist and say, "Hey, can I pick your brain FOR FREE about this terrible itchy rash I have?"

OK, folks, it's time we stop asking for free handouts. Whatever you want to call it -- "pick your brain," "get your insights," "obtain your feedback" -- if you're asking me to use my consulting and coaching skills to help your business and your career, I'm respectfully asking for what I believe is only fair and just - to be paid what I deserve for helping you make the significant positive changes you want most in your life, work, and your business.

I'm sure this will stir up many thoughts and feelings in my readers and community. I'd LOVE to hear them all! Please share freely. Let it rip. That's what makes a good horse race, as my mother used to say.

Thanks for sharing openly below. I'm looking forward to reading each of your comments and hearing your diverse views.

And here's to empowering you to up your daily dose of pricing discipline as well.

How Career Coaching Gets It Wrong: Tips For Choosing a Career Coach Who Won't Waste Your Money

2010-07-09T13:19:53Z

What are the easiest ways to spot an ineffective career coach who won't be helpful in moving you forward?

This week I heard from a lovely woman in another state who shared with me a story about a career coach she hired this year. This coach, in the end, was of no help at all. I have to say, if I've heard this once, I've heard it one hundred times.

The coach had her take a battery of expensive assessment tests, and the results showed that she was in the perfect job for herself. The problem is, she's very unhappy in this profession of 30 years, and wants out (for a variety of well-founded reasons). He also told her that due to her age (she's in late midlife), she'll have a hard time reinventing and finding a new job. Wow, thanks a lot for the motivation and inspiration, sir! While it's certainly true that reinventing in midlife has it deep challenges (I should know), where there's a will, there's a way.

I experienced a similar thing 10 years ago with a career counselor I hired. At 40 years old, I felt sick, miserable, and depressed at my current line of work and job, which was marketing and product management for a leading membership services organization. I had been in membership services for years, and lost all interest in it. I deeply longed for a new career direction, but couldn't figure out what to do.

After hundreds of dollars, several meetings, and a series of standardized assessment tests, the career counselor said, "Well, looks like your current job is perfect for you and meets all your needs."

Are you kidding??? If it met all my needs, why do I want to poke my eye out with a stick! Why do I hate it so much, and why am I "breaking down" from the stress, exhaustion, crushing competition, and lack of connection to my work?

The reason he arrived at the conclusion that my job was right for me involved his constricted perspective - an inability to think expansively about his client's potential and capabilities. He was looking only at the person I projected at that moment, and taking into account my outwardly-stated needs, skills, and priorities, without looking at my potential. It's understandable that I -- the client -- would have a limited perspective. After all, it's natural to feel limited and blocked when we're stuck in a negative situation. But for the career coach to be stuck with me in this limited view? That's just bad coaching.

What I needed was a breakthrough - a "paradigm shift" that would allow me to see how much more I was capable of than my current views and experiences allowed.

How did the coaching process go wrong?

The career coach and assessment tests I took identified my professional needs and talents as:

- Wanting flexibility, family time, high pay

- Avoiding extensive travel

- Utilizing my well-honed marketing skills

- Writing, copywriting, editing

- Generating ideas and implementing new marketing strategies

- Being creative - developing new products and enhancements

- Leading/managing others successfully

- Managing projects and budgets

- Building client relationships

- Nurturing ideas to fruition

- Re-engineering and streamlining processes for greater efficacy

The thing he missed was that, while I was indeed tapping into various talents and skills I possess, I was pointing them in the wrong direction! The work I was focused on felt absolutely meaningless to me - or worse - harmful to the community and world. To me, what we were selling lacked any contributive value. The sole point of my job was to sell membership services and to make money - regardless of whether these services were truly needed or beneficial in people's lives.

My career coach missed the most important aspect of what I wanted in my working life - to feel good about what I'm doing!

This coach also missed exploring three vital dimensions to a joyful and successful life and career:

- Standards of integrity - HOW you want to live and work - the process of living, not just the content of it (check out Maria Nemeth's book The Energy of Money for more about this!)

- Life intentions - WHAT you want to create and give in my life, when all is said and done

- Life purpose - THE UNIQUE PURPOSE of your life on this planet at this time

Career coaches who don't touch on the above aren't going to be successful for you. They disregard the most important dimensions of your career.

My view is this - we did not come here on this planet at this time SIMPLY to pay the mortgage. Yes, we must pay our bills, and handle our finances responsibly and accountably, but each of us is much more than a bank account. We have talents, needs, perspectives, experiences, longings and gifts that coalesce into a special amalgam - the essence of you and what you want to give through your professional identity and endeavors.

So the next time you are looking for a career coach, please do me a favor...check out exactly what he/she will be helping you achieve - is it a new job that fits outwardly but leaves you feeling cold and depressed? Or is it a career/job that you can sink your teeth into, that brings you passion, power, and purpose, and lets you connect with the most expansive version of yourself, each and every day?

And don't let a career coach work on your resume and social media profiles WITHOUT knowing who you really are on the inside, and what you care to give and be in the world. If you create a new resume and direction without understanding and honoring the essence of you, you'll waste precious time and money. Trust me on this one!

Share your stories!

I'd LOVE to hear from you about this issue. Have you also had disappointing experiences with career coaches? If so, what did they miss or how did they steer you wrong? And on the contrary, have you had great experiences with a career coach? Please comment here about what you've learned, so others can benefit from your experiences! Thanks SO much for your feedback.

Here's to a breakthrough this summer that brings you to the professional life you long for!

About the Author:

Kathy Caprino, M.A., is a nationally-recognized women's career and executive coach, speaker, and author of Breakdown, Breakthrough: The Professional Woman's Guide to Claiming a Life of Passion, Power, and Purpose. Founder/President of Ellia Communications, Inc. -- a career and work-life coaching company dedicated to helping women achieve breakthrough to create life and work as they truly want it, Caprino is a trained psychotherapist, seasoned career coach, and sought-after writer and speaker on women's issues. She is a popular blogger on women's career topics and trends, and as a top media source, she has appeared in more than 100 leading newspapers and magazines and on national radio and television. Her current national research study focuses on Women Succeeding Abundantly, and explores the key actions, beliefs, and choices made by women of all ages who are creating tremendous success and fulfillment in their lives and careers, thriving and living joyfully on their own terms.

For more information, visit www.elliacommunications.com or write to Kathy at Kathy@elliacommunications.com.

5 Reasons You're Miserable at Work and What to Do About It

2010-06-25T17:20:23Z

Last week, I held a free teleclass for women on the "5 Reasons You're Miserable at Work and What To Do About It," based on key findings from my national research with scores of working women across the country and my book Breakdown, Breakthrough. More than 90 women signed up for the call, and they confirmed yet again what so many women have been unable able to say out loud until now, which is, "I'm unhappy at work, but I'm not sure exactly why or what to do about it!"

Whether you are a corporate professional, self-employed or in transition, if you need to find a different way to work, don't worry. Help is on the way! And you're definitely not alone.

Below are what I've found to be the top five reasons so many women are dissatisfied and unfulfilled at work, along with concrete tips to revise your situation and change course today.

The top 5 reasons women are miserable at work are -

They find it impossible to balance work and family
They suffer from chronic financial distress
They struggle using skills and talents that aren't "natural" to them
They feel chronically undervalued and disrespected
They experience little joy or positive meaning in their work

If the above describes your experience, here are some tips to help you create an internal shift away from feeling trapped and disempowered, to feeling more confident, courageous and committed to making positive career change today. (And feel free to write me at Kathy@elliacommunications.com if you'd like a download of the recording of the teleclass).

Tips for Positive Career Change:

1) Gain More Work-Life Balance

Balance is not going to just fall in your lap. You have to claim it, and commit to getting it. How? First, determine the three most important priorities you are committed to achieving in your personal and in your professional life. What are the three things that are vital to you to bring about -- that matter more than anything else? Formulate these in terms of "to be" statements such as "to be a loving mother or "to be a successful entrepreneur" or "to be a helper of others."

Uncover the three top achievements that you are longing to bring about in your life and work and that you will not compromise on. Then commit yourself to these. Discover where you are over-functioning (doing more than is necessary, more than is healthy, and more than is appropriate) in your life, your family, and work, and let go of being perfect in the areas that don't matter as much to you. Once you take these steps, you'll find that balance comes more easily to you, because you are being guided each day by the knowledge of what you want to create, and knowing you are 1000% committed to doing it.

2) Get Healthy with Your Money

To get out of chronic financial distress, you must become intimately connected with your money and begin to recognize your real intrinsic worth. First, create a solid budget with strong financial goals, and stick to it. Examine your spending - are you buying things in order to soothe your soul? If so, stop over-spending. Look at your beliefs around money that you learned as a child from living with your family. Are your beliefs about money positive or negative, expansive or constricting? Do you believe you deserve wealth and abundance, or are you ashamed of the money you have or don't have? Overall, the key to overcoming chronic financial distress is to heal your relationship with money through positive and healthy beliefs, actions, and choices. Once you create a supportive money relationship, you will no longer stay in jobs that create financial distress or drain you of joy and energy. You'll know your worth, and begin claiming it, on your professional path and otherwise.

3) Use Skills that Are Fun and Natural

It's vitally important to understand exactly what talents and skills are easy and fun for you to use, and then find a way (either in your existing job or in a new field or job) to tap these talents more frequently at work. To get more in touch with what you love to do and what comes easily, take my free Career Path Assessment. Figure out what you want to do more of, less of, and never again! Often, what you love to do and what comes easily to you were apparent in your childhood, so start there. What did you thoroughly enjoy as a kid that people noticed, admired and praised? You might also realize in doing this exercise that just because you're great at a task or endeavor at work doesn't mean you like to do it! The key to an easier and happier work-life is to use talents that come naturally and are fun to you, so that each day feels like a joy, not a struggle.

4) Claim Your Self-Respect

If you're chronically undervalued or mistreated at work and want people to change their treatment of you, you must start with SELF-respect. How do you gain self-respect? Through courageous action that inspires your own self-esteem - action that you know you should be taking, but haven't found the nerve to take. Now's the time to become more authentic and real in your work. Speak up about who you are and what's important to you. Make yourself right, not wrong. If you know something needs to be communicated, figure out a way to do it as soon as possible. Find an advocate or mentor at work to help you speak up in the right way so that you will be heard and respected for your viewpoint. Start enforcing your boundaries so that you know exactly what you will tolerate and accept from others, and what you won't.

5) Find Work that Gives Your Life Joy and Meaning

It's a myth in our culture that we can't make good money doing what we love. However, it takes grit, determination, and courage to pursue a path that you love and to make it work for you financially. If you want more joy and meaning -- and financial success at the same time -- determine what endeavors and activities make you joyful in your life, and begin today to bringing these forward. The key is to understand 1) the essence of what you want, and then 2) find the right form of it. For instance, you might love to sing (as I do), and wonder if singing to earn money would make you happy. To find out if a new path is right for you, research, research, research - interview people in the field, read all about the art and craft of singing professionally, take classes, find a mentor, and determine a way to "try it on' before you leap. You might discover that earning money singing as a full-time living isn't for you, but you love to do on a part-time or hobby basis. If that's the case, join a volunteer or community singing group each week, and honor this as a heart-aligned endeavor.

If you discover that you want a different line of work from your current job, create a plan that allows you to 1) research thoroughly what you want to do, 2) "try it on" as a volunteer or on part-time basis, then 3) commit to moving toward this new path with a solid financial plan, support of family and friends (and a coach if you'd like one), along with a step-by-step blueprint for what it will take to reinvent your career.

The Ultimate Outcome - Joy!

It's up to you to create a career that you love, and you can do it! Start today. Let the top five reasons you're miserable at work be the catalyst you need to change your career and change your life. Trust me on this one...once you step up to creating a career that excites you, you'll reach new heights you never thought possible.

About Kathy Caprino

Kathy Caprino, M.A., is a nationally-recognized women's career and executive coach, speaker, and author of Breakdown, Breakthrough: The Professional Woman's Guide to Claiming a Life of Passion, Power, and Purpose. Founder/President of Ellia Communications, Inc. -- a career coaching company dedicated to helping women achieve breakthrough to create live and work as they truly want it, Caprino is a trained psychotherapist, seasoned career coach, and sought-after writer and speaker on women's issues. She is a popular blogger on women's career topics and trends, and as a top media source, she has appeared in more than 100 leading newspapers and magazines and on national radio and television. Her current national research study focuses on Women Succeeding Abundantly, and explores the key actions, beliefs, and choices made by women of all ages who are creating tremendous success and fulfillment in their lives and careers, thriving and living joyfully on their own terms.

For more information on Ellia Communications' breakthrough coaching programs and resources, please visit www.elliacommunications.com or write to Kathy at Kathy@elliacommunications.com.

5 Reasons You're Miserable at Work and What to Do about It

2010-06-22T21:01:08Z

Whether you are a corporate professional, self-employed or in transition, if you need to find a different way to work, don't worry. Help is on the way! And you're definitely not alone.

Below are what I've found to be the top five reasons so many women are dissatisfied and unfulfilled at work, along with concrete tips to revise your situation and change course today.

The top 5 reasons women are miserable at work are -

They find it impossible to balance work and family

They suffer from chronic financial distress
They struggle using skills and talents that aren't "natural" to them
They feel chronically undervalued and disrespected
They experience little joy or positive meaning in their work

Tips for Positive Career Change:

1) Gain More Work-Life Balance

2) Get Healthy with Your Money

3) Use Skills that Are Fun and Natural -

4) Claim Your Self-Respect

5) Find Work that Gives Your Life Joy and Meaning

The Ultimate Outcome - Joy!

What 30 Days on Twitter Taught Me

2010-05-27T14:00:56Z

On April 26, I embarked on a 30-day Twitter Experiment, with an open heart and mind, excited to see what focusing intently on connecting through social media might bring.

It was a wild 30 days, and it did bring with some amazing opportunities, as well as some new insights.

Here's what I learned:

1) Real connection can't be faked, bought, or sold. If you connect to people from your heart, then benefits abound. If you just "talk the talk" without authentic intention, however, it reveals itself quickly.

2) If you're on the lookout for great things, great things come. In these past thirty days, I've received requests for two radio interviews, a potential TV opportunity, several speaking gigs in Peru, great new participants in my Women Succeeding Abundantly research, two amazing new clients, and the list goes on. These opportunities are not necessarily directly related to my being involved on Twitter more, but it's all connected to putting yourself out there.

3) When you're clear about what you're doing and what you want to come to you, you're better able to filter out the noise and the unwanted (and there's a lot of that too!).

4) The more you share, the more feedback you get, so you need strong boundaries that allow you to connect continually with who you really are, in the midst of lots of new energy.

5) It's a heck of a lot more fun to be in community than to be alone (when you like your community!).

6) If you think there's not enough to go around (of anything - help, advice, support, friends, creativity, opportunities, work, gigs, money, etc.), it's time to think again, and make some changes in your life.

7) The need to be very concise (140 characters!) about what's happening in your life is a terrific challenge, and a great gift. It makes you efficient at articulating only the meat.

8) And finally, it's a friendly universe - yes, struggles and pain are everywhere, but I've found that it's a loving, compassionate and supportive universe, when you commit to seeing it that way.

I'd highly recommend doing your own 30-Day Twitter experiment, and sharing the results with your community. Please let me know when you do it - I'd love to follow and learn from you!

Here's to connection and community!

Why is Career Change So Challenging?

2010-05-19T12:38:15Z

In preparing to launch my new summer Career Change teleseminar program - Change Your Career--Change Your Life!, I've been thinking about why it's so hard for many midlife women to find -- and maintain -- a joyful and successful career, and why it's so challenging to shift out of one career into another, to a more fulfilling path.

In my personal experience, there were some very heavy blocks that kept me from realizing with clarity and confidence that I wanted out of my corporate marketing career, and from taking forward-moving action to get out.

My blocks were:

1) Time - I had invested so much time in building a marketing career (18 years, in fact), that it seemed ludicrous to "throw it all away."

2) Ego - My ego told me that I had worked so hard to achieve a powerful position in the corporate hierarchy (in my last corporate position, I was a Vice President), that I didn't want to step back and be a beginner again, and lose so much ground

3) Confusion - If I were to chuck this professional identity, what would I do instead? Despite years of trying to answer this question, I couldn't figure out. Sure, I fantasized about being in the film industry or doing something exciting and glamorous - but what did I really want to do? What would I do if I won the lottery? I couldn't find a new path that made sense.

4) Money - I earned a lot, and believed I needed every cent of that to provide myself and my family the living we needed and wanted

5) Going against the pack - Most people in our lives want us to do the safe, reasonable and secure thing. They don't want us to suffer, or to lose everything. So they tell us - strongly and loudly - to play it safe.

6) The unknown - finally, I didn't want to change because I wanted what I had to work out for me, despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Truthfully, I was scared to death to leap into the unknown.

Now, eight years into my career reinvention, I see things differently. I can say that none of the reasons above are sufficient to keep you stuck in a career you hate. Loosen the vice-like grip these fears have on your life, your soul, your mind, and your livelihood, and you'll find the courage and energy to begin to change your career, and change your life.

So here's a new way to look at the challenges above:

TIME:

Every minute you DON'T make the changes you long for, is a minute you spend holding yourself back from the growth and expansion that you know - deep down - that you need and want. Also, after revising your career to something you like better, you'll find that you will use fully and joyfully each and every heart-felt talent and skill that you worked so hard to develop in the past.

EGO:

Achievements are - in the end -- meaningless if they don't resonate with your heart and soul. Don't let your ego lead you around by the nose. If it does, you'll find that your hard-won recognition and achievement will leave you feeling empty and sad.

CONFUSION:

Yes, it's hard to sort out the "sounds-great!" career change ideas from those that will really make you happy. It's hard, but not impossible. Find some great coaching and mentoring help today to do it. Get unconfused.

MONEY:

We all want and need money. The question is - how much do you truly need to make to be happy, fulfilled, and enjoy your life? And what is your relationship with money - is it healthy and balanced, or are you a slave to it, addicted to having "things" surround you, because in fact, you feel depleted and joyless?

THE PACK:

The pack mentality is a fear-based, group think that doesn't support innovation, individuality, and risk. So which type of person do you want to be- a pack-like follower, or a cutting-edge thinker and leader?

THE UNKNOWN:

Here's a fascinating truth- it's ALL unknown, folks. If you think you've got it figured out, and that what you carved out for yourself is going to be constant and unchanging, please do think again. Life is change. The universe WILL deliver to you continual opportunities for you to experience your own adaptability and resilience. So, what would you rather do - embrace your resilience and proactively find a new path now that brings you joy, or do nothing, and let life foist change on you?

If you truly want a career change, I hope you'll begin on a path today to making it happen. Help is all around you!

I'd love to know what holds you back MOST from taking action to change your career, and what you need specifically to help you move forward?

Please share your comments below - I LOVE your input (and it will help me deliver a fantastically powerful career-change program this summer)!

Thank you!

Suffering vs. Stretching - How to Tell the Difference (and Do More of the Latter)

2010-05-14T16:19:19Z

May is Here! I, for one, am thrilled! I'm truly ready to let go of the heavy, dark remnants of Winter, and stretch and play lightly with more ease, as summer approaches.

Yesterday, a dear friend of mine -- fabulous life coach and Emmy-award-winning writer Susie Horgan - shared with me a core idea from Buddhist thinking that "suffering" is the continually craving to be where you are not.

Are We Suffering or Stretching?

When she said it, the idea struck me like a thunderbolt. I spend so much of my time endeavoring to stretch up to new realms, that I suffer more than I care to admit -- with impatience, disappointment, confusion, exhaustion -- all around the experience of "Why is this all going so slowly - are we in a retrograde, or something??"

If suffering is about a continual addiction to wanting what you don't have, how is focusing on stretching and growing different from that?

Here are my thoughts:

1) Stretching carries with it excitement and anticipation. Suffering is heavy with resistance and regret.

2) Stretching looks forward; suffering looks backward.

3) Stretching acknowledges all you've done, and has you reaching for more. Suffering denounces you for the (seemingly) stupid mistakes you've made.

4) Stretching is life-giving and affirming; suffering keeps you in denial of your powers to create and evolve. 5) Stretching says "YES!" Suffering says "NO."

OK, from today on, I'm choosing more stretching, less suffering. How 'bout you?

And BTW, follow my 30-Day Twitter experiment at @kathycaprino, and embark on one of your own. It's a sure way to encourage stretching.

It's All About the Connection

2010-05-14T16:16:35Z

Well, my 30-Day Twitter Experiment continues and it's been quite enlightening and surprising so far - and tiring! More than I imagined.

Here's what I'm learning:

1) It's all about the connection. What do people want more than anything in life? To be valued, liked, appreciated, understood, recognized for who they really are, and to not feel alone. Welcome to Twitter. It's all about real connection - conversing, supporting, laughing - being real.

2) Drop the façade - there's no time to keep it up. On Twitter, if you want to build community and create true connection, there's no time to keep up your well-crafted façade that hides who you really are. No time to "protect your reputation." If you're conversing continually, you just can't be watching every word that comes out, and filtering it for how you want to sound. You've just got to be yourself and use the authentic voice you have. (BTW, I've got to write a post on this issue- the public vs. the private persona, your reputation vs. who you really are...more on that soon).

3) If you're a narcissist, you won't like Twitter. If all you want to do is talk about yourself and your business and services, you won't have much fun because no one will follow you or care about connecting with you, in the long-run. (Also another post - and book - needs to be written about the intensely negative impact of working or living with those who suffer from the narcissistic personality disorder, and how to manage it)!

4) People are awesome - or at least, many thousands are. So many of us have been burned in our lives by snarky, jealous, dishonest, back-stabbing, insecure, angry people who've hurt us. But through social media, you expand your horizons beyond your imagination and beyond your tight world, which allows you get out of your circle (which can sometimes disappoint), and meet amazing new folks around the world who want to help and share.

5) It's addictive, learning new things. This experiment is teaching me so many new things that I'm slightly addicted to the whole experience. The new ideas are flowing in the middle of the night, while I'm in a client meeting, driving my kids to soccer and band, while I'm watching "Glee," eating dinner... Clearly, it's fun to step up to a new challenge.

6) Life takes time. Nothing is created overnight - there's no magic bullet for moving forward. It's all in the doing, doing, doing, then learning from the doing. Have you noticed that moving something from the metaphysical realm - the realm of pure, light energy, the realm of ideas - to the realm of the physical, is HARD? Well, it is. The energy is dense here on the physical plane. The more you're prepared for that, the better.

I hope you'll be inspired to do your own 30-Day Twitter experiment, and follow mine at @kathycaprino.com. Let me know if you do, and I'll follow you and do my best to connect/comment along the way.

I promise you - in the process, you'll peel back some layers about yourself and be deeply surprised at what you find.

30 Days on Twitter - Will it Change My Life?

2010-05-14T16:12:07Z

Hi Friends -

So here's the latest....I embarked on a 30-day experiment in which I'm going to get on Twitter, tweet at least once a day (and looks like a lot more!) and watch what happens - in my life, work, clientele, family, relationships, business, community, and in my new research and book in development on Women Succeeding Abundantly. Perhaps I'll even learn something new about the way I view everything.

My friend Yamel Iglesias asked me today if the movie Julie and Julia inspired this tweetfest. Interestingly, I did see the movie a few weeks ago, and LOVED it. I loved how Julie, at a lost for what to do with her career that would bring her joy, decided to follow her heart and focus on what she truly loved (cooking and writing). She began to blog about her daily experience of cooking through Julia Child's book Mastering The Art of French Cooking. Not knowing where it would take her, she just went with the experience, throwing it up in the air (or on the wall, like testing cooked spaghetti) to see what stuck.

After seeing the movie, I thought of doing the same thing (blogging every day for a year) about my experiences in "writing to my angels" who give me regular information and insights that nourish and guide me (more about that another time), but I simply didn't feel moved to commit to it for public consumption.

But after viewing Scott Stratten's new video on Social Media Success for Non-Profits today, I got inspired to do a mini-experiment on Twitter (To follow Scott's work, visit www.un-marketing.com and @UnMarketing on Twitter). Following Scott has changed things for me - given me some new levity, humor and "breathing room" to not take everything so damn seriously. So, I'm going to throw it all up on the wall, and see what sticks!

Hope you'll follow my Twitter Experiment on @kathycaprino. Day 1 was rather amazing, I must say. From connecting with Scott (whom I truly admire), to delivering a talk for the CT Women's Business Development Center and the Family Economic Security Program on work-life balance to a group of amazingly generous women, I truly can't beat this day. May the fun continue!

"Terrible Career Advice" for Women

2010-04-22T23:46:06Z

I love reading Penelope Trunk's posts - they're always thought-provoking, controversial and stimulating. I'm thankful that she has a large voice and an even larger audience because she is able to prod so many of us to think about what we truly believe, in comparison with and contrast to her very strident views.

I must say, though, that her recent post on BNET - Terrible Career Advice Women Give Each Other - really got me going, and I have a feeling it will arouse a vigorous response from you too.

Please do check it out! And read my comments on her post here:

Penelope, you're always interesting to read and ponder, but sometimes you get it SO wrong. This is one of those times. Wrong, wrong, wrong, and so skewed to the negative.

Everything you've shared flies in the face of what I know to be true as a woman, a high-level professional, a trained therapist, and a career coach who's helped hundreds of women succeed on their own terms.

First, I've been sexually harassed at work, and it's hellacious. I didn't do anything about it -- just to save my skin and my job -- and let me tell you, that's the wrong advice. For God's sake, if you encourage women to grin and bear it and shut up about it, what does that say about you as an advocate for women, and about the future we can expect for women in the workplace? Yes, what you do about harrassment depends on the gravity of the situation, but if it's grave, you must find a true advocate (even if it's outside the organization) and speak up.

Secondly, I was married at 30, had two fantastically beautiful children at 34 and 37. I'm 50 now, and it all unfolded as I wanted it to. Women need to decide for themselves when to marry and when to have kids. If they listen to you (or anyone else) about it, they're barking up the wrong tree. It's absurd to advise a woman about this - it's a deeply personal issue.

Thirdly, of course books don't make you a good leader - you make you a good leader. But reading, exploring, inquiring, learning, and stretching yourself through powerful books and ideas is a terrific way to become more of who you really are.

Sometimes I wish your views weren't always so skewed to the extreme negative - it's fun that you're a contrarian, but it's not as beneficial as it could be that your writings are so overwhelming bleak. Spice it up with some positivity, will you?

But thanks, as always, for getting us going!

_______________________________________________________

So folks, I'd LOVE to hear from you. PLEASE! leave a comment below. What do you think about Penelope's views, and mine. Share your voice!

Give us some great career advice for women - puleese!

Is Your Attitude Keeping You Broke?

2010-04-12T19:01:10Z

As we move into a time of planting new seeds and cultivating what we truly wish to create, it's time also to weed our gardens - discard old remnants from past plantings that thwart our growth, and cease to be beneficial as we evolve.

This Spring, I'm doing a great deal of emotional weeding. Truth be told (and so many people do not tell the truth about their real-life problems, so here we go), I've been extremely challenged by financial mistakes of my past. I don't regret these "mistakes," as they are fodder for learning, but that doesn't make them any easier to resolve. And boy, has there been learning!

What are these serious financial mistakes?

I've realized that I've been held hostage by old "structures of knowing" around money formed years ago.

These mental models of how things work were not fully in my awareness until now -- and they include my believing that:

1. It will be virtually impossible to make fantastic money if I'm doing what I love in my heart and soul

2. If I work for someone else, I'll be terribly hurt, as I was in my past corporate career

3. I have to work incredibly hard to be successful

4. When abundant money flows again from my work (as it did in my corporate career), I'll misuse the power that comes with it (as I did before)

5. To make great money, I'll lose the precious family time I've worked so hard to achieve

6. I can't admit out loud that I'm not having the financial success I want, because then I won't be a strong role model for other women

7. I can "affirm" away scarcity

These structures of knowing have wreaked havoc on my financial health, and I'm taking powerful action to revise each and every one, and its working!

(For help about uncovering your limiting "structures of knowing," see Dr. Maria Nemeth's book The Energy of Money).

Unearthing these limiting mental models is a vital step to shedding behaviors (financial and otherwise) that keep you from the joy and success you long for.

And by the way, I have seen with hundreds of people I work with and in my own life that knowing about the Law of Attraction and practicing abundance principles is often not an effective enough guidance system to shift you into a prosperous state, when you're really stuck around money.

I've found that what truly WORKS in shifting you out of your money lack is to 1) release old beliefs and behaviors (I call these your "Breakdown Myths") that sabotage your success, 2) connect with your true intentions and life purpose, 3) gain awareness of your standards of integrity and use them to guide your life, 4) infuse your life with new energy of money, time, creativity, vitality, enjoyment and support, and finally 5) create a S.M.A.R.T. plan with doable goals and steps that move you forward to what you deeply want.

So if you're stuck around money...

1) Read my latest newsletter and the featured article called "Is Your Attitude Keeping You Broke" written by my friend and colleague, holistic financial consultant Denise Hughes.

2) Join my Breakthrough Women's Circle

Denise will be holding an hour-long teleseminar on "Achieving the Financial Success You Dream Of: 6 Steps to Financial Growth" for my Breakthrough Women's Circle members only on Wednesday April 14th 1pm to 2pm EST. She'll also be available next month on the BW Circle forum to answer your specific financial questions!

If you're not a member of the circle, join now and don't miss it.

3) Reach out to get help and build your success support community today

Get help today. Don't wait. Find a coach, join a support community, take a workshop or seminar. For live support in Connecticut, join me on May 15^th in Norwalk, CT for my Breakthrough to Abundant Success! Seminar. (Register by April 15^th and save $50).

My friends, your reality can change in a blink of an eye - I can attest to this. But it takes a new and different kind of inner and outer work to achieve it.

Is there any better time than now?

Deliberate Creation - Are You Aware of What You're Creating?

2010-04-06T13:29:14Z

I'm a long-time student of the powerful messages of Esther and Jerry Hicks and Abraham. I love their teachings because the concepts and insights about creating a joyous life ring very true to me and have been highly beneficial in my own life experience, and in helping me feel and create "good" in my life.

The fascinating thing is that the more I study the idea of deliberate creation - the art of consciously allowing yourself to be in alignment with your creative Source energy - the more layers there are to peel away to get to the heart of it and to make it a consistent practical reality in my life.

Here's what I know to be true about the art of deliberate creation, based on my personal experience:

1) We are continually co-creating what's in our lives, whether we are aware of it or not

2) There are areas in my life in which I am in the "flow" - that is, full of positive intention, power, and confidence and joyful expectation. In these areas, what I've created is wonderful.

3) There are other areas in which I have been less than powerful, confident, sure, loving, and at ease. In these areas, what I've created is far less than wonderful.

4) Finally, when I actively and consistently shift myself to feel and think differently about the areas in which I'm scared, insecure, and negative, then outward events and experiences change for the better, and often rather quickly.

In my life, there have been things I've created that I'm utterly proud and joyful about. When I think on these experiences, I realize that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt all along that these would unfold to my highest expectation. I had no reservations, no qualms, no fears. My book, Breakdown, Breakthrough, for instance, is one life event that I was sure about.

I knew this book idea was a good one when I was researching it, and I knew without doubt that the concepts that emerged from my study were very important for women to hear, despite the fact that ten literary agents turned me down for the book. I knew too that I was going to hold out for a fantastic publisher and editor, and have a beautiful collaborative relationship in birthing this book. That's exactly what happened, through my wonderful publisher Berrett-Koehler and superb editor, Johanna Vondeling (one of the industry's best!).

But I've been less than sure about many, many other things in life and work, all around money and business typically, and those life areas show it. For example, I've had a wacky relationship with money all my life. Money either came in great abundance for me, but with a constant soul-felt struggle, or it didn't come at all. This wonky set of experiences (and some likely past-life stuff too) has impacted my beliefs negatively (actually, it's the other way around, I now realize - my beliefs influenced my "reality"). So I give concentrated effort now to shift my thinking and feeling around money and business. And it's working.

As I move forward in my research study Women Succeeding Abundantly, I'm noticing that the same is true for women in my study, whether they're aware of it or not!

Women who are abundantly wealthy have very empowered views and behaviors around money. Women who have fantastic marriages and family relationships know in their hearts that they deserve their beautiful relationships and have focused on making these relationships a priority and a reality.

It all amounts to the same thing - we are creating every second of our lives. The key questions to ask yourself are, "Are you aware that you are a powerful creator, and do you like what you're creating? If not, do you know what to do about it?"

If not, it's time to deliberately make an internal shift to allow your life to change for the better - and to believe in your ability to co-create what you truly long for most.

For more great information on the art of deliberate creation, check out:

Abraham-Hicks: www.abraham-hicks.com

Ask and It Is Given, by Esther and Jerry Hicks

Money and the Law of Attraction, by Esther and Jerry Hicks

The Abundance Book, by John Randolph Price

Take my "Deliberate Creation" test below:

1) Think about one key life area (i.e. finances, health, relationships, career, intimacy, spirituality, fun, etc.) in which you've felt in the past very confident and powerful. Now think about what you've created in that area. Are you happy with it? Do you feel good about what you created?

2) Now think about a life area in which you have not been confident or powerful in the past - an area that you've had insecurity and lack of clarity about since early adulthood. Do you like what you've created in this area?

3) Do you believe you are co-creating what's happening in your life or that it's happening to you?

I'd LOVE to hear your comments on this. Are we co-creators or victims of fate and circumstance, and more importantly, are your views bringing joy to you and your life? If not, do you know what to do about it?

Thanks for your insights!

Becoming Abundantly Successful - What Does It Take?

2010-03-30T21:39:38Z

As you know, I've embarked on a national research study on Women Succeeding Abundantly, in order to learn first-hand the essential ingredients in thinking, beliefs, choices, and behaviors that create and maintain "knock- your-socks-off success" in women. I want to learn all this from women who can raise their hands today and say, "Yes! I feel tremendously successful on my terms, and am able to live life joyfully and with great gusto."

Why do I want to study this topic? Because from where I sit there are precious few people on earth today who achieve a continual state of "feeling" successful, who know down to their toes that they are successful and don't need external measures to validate that. And there are even fewer people who see their lives as a fantastic adventure in success rather than in failure.

I'm drawn to learn as much as I can from these women who say "Yes I Am" abundantly successful, because I believe that when we feel successful in terms that are personal, meaningful, and self-defined, then we're living a grand life of passion, power, and purpose, and having a ball. We're following the dictates of our own values, beliefs and priorities, and we're shaping our destinies as want them, not as our prior conditioning, training and cultural influences taught us are "right."

I'm also drawn to conducting this study for a deeply personal reason - because my own relationship with abundant success over my adulthood has been spotty at best. My experience of abundant success can characterized as this:

1) I believe in the inherent right and capability of EVERY human being to live an abundantly successful life

2) I feel abundantly successful, but only SOMETIMES

3) I've glimpsed at achieving financial abundance, and want more of it (It's awesome!)

4) I continue to be challenged in achieving that beautiful equilibrium between setting heart-aligned goals and going for them with everything I've got, but not being crushed when they don't come to pass

5) While the "Secret" and the Law of Attraction have been helpful to me and others, the ways in which they are being taught are incomplete at best, misguided and incorrect at worst.

6) I want to teach myself, and in turn, thousands of other women, new and exciting ways to create- and sustain- an experience of internal and external abundance and success

The first step I'm taking is to immerse myself in new learning. The second step is to reshape what I hear into a model that makes sense for me, and fits what I know to be true.

What I know to be true right now is that financial abundance is not the only way through which one can feel abundantly successful. However, in our society which is immersed in the energy of money, if you want financial abundance and have not been successful achieving it, then an internal feeling of success is virtually impossible, unless you intentionally create a shift within you that, in turn, allows for greater success.

So I've started there, looking at women's relationships with money, success, achievement, recognition - the outer stuff. I'm then peeling the layers down to look at the inner experiences and practices that abundantly successful women embrace and nurture to access their own power and success.

What I've learned so far...

Without a consistent nurturing of your own internal feelings of success, the external measures of success won't come to you (or if they do, they'll be fleeting and come with struggle, strain, and challenge).

So let's start now by getting in closer touch with our own internal barometers of success. How do you personally define abundant success? Do you want it, and do you have it? If not, what keeps you from wanting it or feeling it? What can you do today to begin to "feel" more successful, before the outer signs of it appear?

I'd LOVE to hear your thoughts about your experiences with abundant success, and what you know to be true about you and success. Please share your insights - teach us!

Thank you for sharing, and here's to our many breakthroughs to abundant success!

What Twitter Really Can Do For Your Life

2010-02-23T21:52:12Z

I follow slews of fascinating people through their blogs and Tweets, and today I read a compelling blog post written by Scott Stratten who runs his company, Unmarketing. I simply love what this guy has to say! I find his ideas and posts so interesting, authentic, funny, insightful and just plain old great.

Here's his latest blog about What If I Didn't Use Twitter:

http://www.un-marketing.com/blog/2010/02/22/what-if-i-didnt-use-twitter

I was moved to write a comment on his post, which is here:

Scott - I love your description of what you've learned and received from Twitter. My guess is that you're the kind of person who gets enormous benefits out of anything you dive into. But that being said, there's something about the Twitter experience that helps you stretch into wild new territories that you've been deeply longing for, but didn't even know it! It's so damn powerful - to connect with thousands of people, to use your voice in new ways, to put your one-of-a-kind ideas out there, to develop a tough-enough skin so that you can shrug off the occasional snarkiness of others, and to feel the love and support of one-time strangers who become dear friends. Love your work, Scott!

When people ask me "Do I really need to use Twitter," I have so much to say about it that I don't know where to begin. So I'll begin here...

Who Gets the Most Out of Twitter?

People who:

1) Have something of interest to say

2) Don't care to just blather on about the everyday minutiae of their lives (most people's lives are boring - let's face it!)

3) Enjoy giving as much or more as they do receiving

4) Have a generous, kind spirit and can support others' thinking and work

5) Understand that using Twitter effectively is about building relationships and is not a "get rich quick" scam

6) Get the fact that what you put into something directly correlates with what you get out of it

7) Don't use it as a way of talking about how great they are, and how they can make you rich

8 ) Do use it as a way to become better, bigger, smarter, funnier, more helpful - more of who you really are at your core

So, if you're wondering what you can get out of using Twitter, I'd say this:

With an attitude of openness, curiosity, commitment, and generosity, you can get:

- New friends

- New ideas for books, writing, projects, seminars, talks, etc.

- New interests and passions

- New customers and supporters

- New ways to see yourself and your life and work

- New coping skills for when strangers write you and say your ideas stink

- New like-minded colleagues to partner with

- New directions to pursue that light you up

- New ways to make money

- New, helpful insights about yourself - what you're great at and what you're not so great at

It occurred to me that what Twitter has brought to us might have some parallels to when television first emerged on the scene - it opens up a fascinating new avenue through which you can connect to a whole new world of ideas, feelings, perspectives, teachings, directions, along with passionate, inspiring people who have so much to share and give. That is, if you're selective about what you choose to focus on.

So have at it, friends! And as Scott Stratten says, I LIVE for comments, so please leave yours.

Ease - Are You Blocked From Experiencing It?

2010-02-11T13:36:00Z

Someone (I can't remember who unfortunately) recently shared with me the saying, "Turn your mess into a message."

I simply love that - perhaps because without realizing it, I've been doing that for a full eight and a half years since 9/11, and since I woke up and decided to transform my (messy) life and career. I had, and still have, a good deal of mess to transform into messages!

This week, I had a powerful shifting realization, thanks again to my dear friend and financial consultant Denise Hughes, that one of my most intractable "messes" is around my resistance to "ease." Ease is not something that has been a part of my professional identity or life. In my twenty-seven years as a contributive professional, there's been nothing easy about it.

Sure, I've achieved things I'm very proud of and excited about, and I've met many of my large goals. But still - I can't say that any of it came "easily." No way, no how.

This week, as I was exploring the idea of ease and why I resist it so fiercely, I had a very painful memory flash. It was of my early teen life. I recalled clearly how someone close to me used to say to me (and to everyone else) in a very critical and hateful tone, "Everything comes so easily to Kathy." This person used to brandish those words like a weapon, as if it were a terrible thing to have an easy life, and that it simply wasn't fair, because her life was hard. The implication was that God shined his light on me, and cruelly bypassed her, leaving her thwarted and miserable.

As I tossed that memory around in my mind, I experienced the real 'aha'- I realized that all these years - my whole 49 years on this planet -- I've internalized the belief that if things come easily to me, then I don't deserve them. Wow...

Believing I'm not deserving of ease has two damaging aspects - first, deep down, it tricks me into believing that I don't deserve all the good that I've created or attracted, and secondly, it traps me in a fearful place, worried that others will judge me negatively, hold me apart from themselves, be envious of me, and think I am not worthy of what I have.

Well...I can tell you that as of this minute, I'm DONE with my resistance to ease. Done, gone, finished. I'm shifting it consciously. Be gone!

Here's what my spirit knows to be true - When things come easily, it means you are in the flow - of life, of yourself, of your soul and spirit. It's not a bad thing that things come easily to you. It's supposed to be easy. When you have ease, it means that you have consciously and completely given up your resistance to ease, and your attachment to struggle.

Each day, I receive an inspirational email message from a neat group - Mike Dooley's TUT Adventurers Club - and recently got this message worth savoring and embracing:

"Kathy, it's supposed to be easy. Everything is supposed to be easy. Everything is easy. You live in a dream world. You're surrounded by illusions, and the illusions change when you change your thinking!

Tell yourself it's easy. Tell yourself often. Make it a mantra. Eat, sleep, and breathe it. And your life shall be transformed.

It's supposed to be easy."

(From Mike Dooley's Notes from the Universe)

I'd add this - if ease is not your experience, there's most likely something blocking you from believing you deserve or want ease. Please take the time this week to dig deep and explore what might be keeping you from believing you can and will have ease from this moment forward, and that having ease is what you deserve. You are strong enough to have ease, and to handle the envy of others who don't.

Ease is beautiful, perfect, and as it should be, for you and for me. Let's allow it into our lives, together, now.