December 2009 Archives

As I'm sure you have, I've been receiving skillions of "Happy Holidays and New Year!" newsletters and emails, many of which are beautiful and touching.  I'm grateful for these lovely reminders and chances to reflect on this past year, and what my hopes and dreams are for 2010.

I've decided not to send a "Happy Holidays" email, but instead, to write to you here, and thank you for being a part of my cherished community.  It's quite a blessing - to blog regularly and to receive fascinating, diverse, often passionate comments from steadfast readers who follow your words and thoughts, and care enough to share their insights.  It's a privilege, and I'm most grateful for it.

This season carries with it beautiful childhood memories for me - of fuzzy, fat Christmas tree lights, of smooth skating on frozen ponds (I grew up in upstate NY after all!), of the splendor of snow falling lightly on trees, of out-of-tune caroling with young friends around the neighborhood, and of family basking by a fire dancing with multicolored flecks (created by a "magic" powder my dad would throw in!).  When we have these warm and comforting childhood memories, they color our experiences well into the future, giving us rose-tinted recollections to savor for many years.

For me, this is a beautiful season.  No matter what challenges have come before, this season softens the rough edges and rounds out the year with celebration, family, reflection, and gratitude.

I hope this season -- that brings to a close such a deeply challenging and humbling year -- has been beautiful for you too. 

May your 2010 be what you dream it to be -- as expansive and glorious a vision as you can hold.

Happy holidays to you.

In a recent Harvard Business Publishing blog on "Can 'Nice Girls' Negotiate?," Whitney Johnson writes about the negative repercussions of women negotiating for themselves in the workplace.  Her piece is right on, from my perspective, and reflects the volumes of both qualitative and quantitative research recently about women, culture, expectations and the challenges they face in the nation's workforce.

I'm always fascinated by the range of comments these posts elicit, from complete agreement to vitriolic dissension to something in between.  One individual wrote:

"I'm not sure this is a man vs. woman thing. Men can ask for a raise/promotion and don't get it as well. The trick is to ask for something that you know you're able to get (studying your value in the company, as well as the company's financial stance). Note that you don't have to deserve the raise in order to get it."

I'd bet you anything that this comment is from a man.  Women know exactly what they're facing in the workplace, yet men are still slow to recognize and acknowledge it. 

My two cents:

I couldn't agree more with this article.  As a women's career coach and work-life researcher, and from my national study with hundreds of professional women about the 12 hidden crises working women face today, it's abundantly clear - with research to support it.  Women are often viewed and evaluated negatively when displaying the exact same traits that successful professional men exhibit - speaking up, challenging, negotiating, using powerful language of leadership, etc. 

It IS a gender thing, folks.  But this doesn't mean men are out to get us.  Not at all.  This means that women are dealing with deeply-ingrained cultural stereotypes and gender role definitions that create challenges in terms of what women can successfully say and do in business, and how they're judged when they do it. 

So what to do about this?  Just what Ms. Johnson suggests...women must speak up for themselves, and be completely prepared for the consequences. We simply can't change this dynamic if we stay mum.  It's time for a breakthrough movement for women, and for that to occur, women have to act. 

Question of the week - As a working woman, are you able to speak up and negotiate for yourself well?  How does it go for you when you do?  Please share your tips and successes  - all comments are welcome!

In launching my new national research study on Women Succeeding Abundantly: Why and How They Do It, one key question we're addressing is: What is abundant success to you?

Here's my personal working definition:

Abundant success means that you are:

• Confident and complete in who you are
• Fully aligned and authentic in all roles you play in life and work
• Deeply appreciated and valued
• Comfortable, confident and empowered in your relationship with money
• Earning exactly what you want to be earning
• Outwardly honoring your inner values and principals
• Living full-out, with passion, power, and purpose
• Making a positive difference in the lives of others
• Consciously stretching to your full potential
• Aware of why you're on the planet, and living that purpose
• Conscious of the fact that you have full responsibility, ownership, and accountability for your life, and feel good about that knowledge
• Having a great time living the abundant life you've created, on your terms

To me, if you can say these things about yourself, abundant success is yours!

Please share your unique definition of abundant success.  I'd love to hear.  What is it, and are you living it?  If not, why not?  And if you are living your version of abundant success, please write to me at Kathy@elliacommunications.com.  I'd love to interview you!

Thanks, and here's to your abundant success,

Kathy