October 2009 Archives

Here's a quick rundown on five tactics for gaining more strength and power in your life and work, beginning today:

1)       Do the inner work you have to do - I've had more than a few folks tell me lately that they really don't want to do the deep re-evaluation and exploration work necessary to create more success and fulfillment.  In essence, they want it done for them or given to them.  My view - that just ain't gonna happen (and why would you want it to)?    

Tip: Do the inner and outer work necessary to 1) figure out what you really want, 2) figure out the best way to get it, 3) figure out what you need to shift and change to get it, and 4) determine what you'll give up to have it.  Then go get it.

2)       Learn from others - In many of my seminars and talks to women, there are always one or two individuals who come up to me afterwards and share with me that they didn't want to hear the views or experiences of others - they just wanted to focus on their own issues/problems.  But being teachable and understanding that we're all alike in vital ways and can learn from others, is an essential ingredient to power and success.  Let connection feed you, not drain you.

            Tip: Let go of your inner narcissist.  Stop focusing exclusively on yourself.  Start connecting - listening to and learning from others.  There's a wealth of wisdom, knowledge and perspective out there for you to benefit from.

3)       Stop thinking "making great money means soul-sucking misery" -  If I hear one more time, "Yeah, Kathy, this career fulfillment stuff is nice, but I've got to pay the mortgage," I'm going to spit.  Of course we have to pay our bills and stay afloat, but when are folks going to realize that paying your bills DOESNT inherently, inevitably mean sacrificing your soul to do it, and being miserable.  We think it does because we've mistakenly told ourselves that lie our entire lives - that making great money = soul-crushing work.  Making the money you truly need doesn't mean you have to get sick, depressed, lose yourself, hate yourself, and sacrifice everything that means anything to you, just so you can pay your mortgage. 

      Tip: Figure out the new path you desperately long to take, and begin step-by-step to create it, with money-making and meeting your needs as a key goal.  No more excuses.

4)       When you don't know what you want to do, first focus on "essence," then on "form" - When you're really stuck as to what you want to do next, focus on figuring out the "essence" of what you want first in your life and work, and worry about the right "form" of it only as a second step.  An example: let's say you adore singing and always have, and you hate your corporate job.  You might be thinking, "All I want to do is quit this job, and start singing for a living. I think I'd love that!"  To that, I'd say, "Wait a minute!"  Making a living as a singer (for instance) can be excruciatingly difficult.  Most performers say, "Do this only if you can't NOT do it!"  So before you jump into what new job/career that you've been fantasizing about, figure out if it's something you truly can't live without doing and if you're suited to a life of it. 

      What are the inner qualities, traits (the essence) of the thing you long for - what do you think this thing will give your life that you don't have now?  Ask yourself, "What does singing give to me?"  Your answers might be that singing brings you: entertainment, the joy of creating something beautiful, the reward of making music with others, creativity, harmony, fun, stimulation, physical exertion that's also relaxing, surrounding yourself with beautiful sounds, etc.  

      After you know specifically what singing (or the thing you're fantasizing about) gives you, then see if you can bring forward any parts of that "essence" into your current life/career.  If not, then start evaluating and researching what that might mean for you in terms of changing your job/career to embrace more of the essence of what you long for.

            Tip: Explore what lights you up, what gives you passion, and why.  They determine if there are any ways you can bring those endeavors forward in your life today, without a wholesale reinvention, if possible.

5)       Get Tough - Power Up Your Boundaries - To get what you want in life, you have to be strong and confident.  You have to protect yourself from all those who would suck your energy dry, use you, take advantage of you, make you feel guilty for not doing more than you should for others, and diminish you.  You can't have a powerful life if you're giving over all your power to others (including your children, spouse, boss, employer, friends, relatives, etc.).

            Tip: Think about where you feel exhausted, angry, depressed, resentful, and start there.  To whom do you need to say "no" and why aren't you saying it?  It's time to say more "No!" to others, and more "Yes!" to yourself, and time to speak up.  Just do it.

Question for the day: In what ways do you struggle in terms of feeling powerful and confident?  And what have you done to successfully increase your power in areas where it's shaky?

Thanks for sharing, and many happy breakthroughs,

Kathy

Lately, I've been asked to coach and speak with hundreds of working women each month around the issue of work-life balance and time management. 

Women are more stressed, strained and sick than ever, as these economic times have hit families, workplaces and corporate America so very hard.  If women's plates were full before, now they're piled sky-high, and teeter-tottering on the edge of the table, ready to crash onto the floor, breaking into a million pieces.

I have strong viewpoints (founded by years of direct high-level corporate experience, coaching work with thousands, and national research with women) about work-life balance and why women can't have it as their lives are today, unless they claim it.

My views aren't easy to hear or take in, but are important for women nonetheless, so here they are:

You won't ever have work-life balance or come even close to it, unless you power yourself up to get it.  Here's what's necessary:

1) You've got to fight for it.

Corporate America was built on the foundations of a "white male competitive career model" that simply doesn't fit women.  Jack Welch's recent comments about women and balance are old-fashioned, outmoded, and out of touch - they don't reflect the future, and what's going to be the new frontier for corporate America.  In the not so distant future (hopefully in our lifetimes), there will be a new model - one that makes room for women and for what they must have in order to live and thrive.  But we've got to fight for it.

If you're in corporate America at a mid to high level, for instance, and are being asked to do the impossible (do the work of three people, work until 3am, produce reports and analyses that are an utter waste of time but take hundreds of collective hours each month to prepare, come in for 8am meetings that are meaningless, and unproductive, etc.), then you MUST speak up.  You must fight for what's right and sensible and good business practice.  If your team is breaking down and so are you, then you simply can't continue this way.  You must speak up and fight.

If you can't speak up on your own (because you'll be crushed down by the machine), then find another way to make your voice heard.  Build a collective forum of women who can speak together, or find empowered female and male mentors and leaders who can speak for you.  Or go outside the company to networking meetings and events (and by the way, continually interview at other companies to keep your options and your mind open), and learn from others how they are making a positive difference, and making it work.

(FYI, for those men and women who wish to be advocates for other women in their workplaces, here is a list of initiatives that employers must take to support women in the workforce today).
 
Things won't change unless you fight for them to.  Fight for what's right and necessary for your health, sanity, and for good business practice, or you'll end up feeling so exhausted, beaten down, and demoralized that you'll drop out of the game.  That's fine, if you're doing it consciously, with awareness and choice. 

Which path do you want to take?  Which path do you consciously choose?  I know you believe you don't have any options right now, but you always have options and choices.  Figure out what they are.

2) You've got to ask for help at home, and deal with the consequences

You simply can't feel healthy and balanced when you're working like a dog at your job, and then come home and work like a dog there too.  It's not possible.

You must ask your spouse, children and others for support, to do their share, to step up to their responsibilities as fully-functioning members of the household.  And/or you need to hire help where it's essential and where you can.  Your husband may complain and say he can't do any more.  If that's what he says, it's critical to sit down together and analyze at the distribution of labor, and make it fairer.  It's up to you to do this.  He won't volunteer for this.

If you're an overfunctioner (doing more than what's necessary, healthy or appropriate - and the vast majority of women are), then your family and friends are used to you overfunctioning, and they (subconsciously) don't want you to stop. 

You have to shift yourself first - internally - and commit to stop doing too much, and decide what you'll scale back on, then do it.  Next, you'll have to deal with your family's initial anger and anxiety that suddenly, you're not doing everything.  It destabilizes the family dynamic at first, when you shift into doing only what's appropriate -- not more -- and it's not easy.  But you'll find a new stability, and they'll get over it, and so will you. 

You'll feel better, stronger, happier, less angry, and more like yourself again when you stop doing EVERYTHING.  But you must strengthen your boundaries so that you can handle the fear, insecurity, guilt and shame you'll feel initially at not being everything to everyone.

3) Stop being angry and start being accountable.

Finally, it's time to stop feeling angry, disrespected, depressed, resentful, overburdened, victimized, and powerless.  If you experience these emotions regularly, your life is asking you to grow, strengthen, and be accountable for how you are living and what you're creating.  No more excuses.

I know how hard this is to accomplish.  Just this morning, I blew it again, and got really angry for doing more than I should have for my children - I should have asked my husband to step in and help, but I didn't ask.  That's a common trait in me that I must be ever vigilant to detect, weed out, and revise.  I tend to get angry and yell when I'm overwhelmed and exhausted, but after I calm down, I see clearly how I simply offered (out of feeling like I HAD to) to do too much that day, and then blamed everyone else for it.  This type of behavior is very deeply rooted and dies hard, let me tell you.

So, my friends, today's the day.  Let's all figure out:

1) What specifically and concretely you are angry and exhausted about

2) What are you taking on that's too much - more than is healthy, appropriate and necessary

3) Why are you doing it?  What are your deepest fears around not doing everything, and being everything? What consequences are you deeply afraid of, if you say "no"?

4) To whom do you need to speak up?  What must you let go of?

5) If you're in a job that chronically works you to the bone, and no one listens to your pleas and demands for moderation, I'd suggest this:

•  Figure out what you really want for your professional and family life
•  Look at the real options at hand - get yourself out of your box and look at what's truly possible
•  Make a plan to get what you want
•  Power Up and Stand Up for yourself - strengthen yourself, your voice and your boundaries
•  Find an empowered outside helper/mentor/coach to help you create the life you really want

Today's action step - Don't waste another minute blaming someone else.  It's your life - claim it.  What one person, action, or limiting, negative belief can you say NO to, today?

"9 out of 10 women studied are experiencing at least one of the 12 crises working women face today, and over half don't know what to do about it.  On average, working women are experiencing three crises at the same time."

These 12 emotionally-devastating crises stand in the way of happiness, are not the same for women as for men.  If "happiness" is an experience of living well, liking yourself and what you're doing, feeling excitement, joy and fulfillment during many of the days of your life, and feeling "in the flow," the truth is this: the 12 hidden crises are preventing women from achieving happiness, and it won't get better unless women take strong and focused action.

As one who works with women all day every day, and as a woman, mother, and high-level professional myself, I have very solid views on what women think and experience in terms of happiness. 

Women's definition of happiness and their challenges in achieving happiness, are very different from men's.

Here are some key differences between men and women's experience of happiness:

1)       Work-Life Balance - The Number One Crisis for Women, not for Men

Women need to experience a sense of balance between their professional and personal identities to feel happy.  Because so many women work both inside the home and outside of it, these two colliding roles (and yes, they crash together powerfully in women more so then men) - and doing them well with a feeling of empowerment -- are vitally important to women's sense of success and happiness.

In Marcus Buckingham's stimulating column on the Huffington Post about Women's Happiness, he talks about women believing that there's no such thing as balance anymore.  He writes that, according to the women he interviewed, "They didn't talk about balance much at all. They seemed to realize that not only was a perfect equilibrium nigh on impossible to achieve, but also that even if they did manage to achieve it, it wouldn't necessarily fulfill them anyway--when you are balanced, you are stationary, holding your breath, trying not to let any sudden twitch or jerk pull you too far one way or the other. You are at a standstill. Balance is the wrong life goal. "

I, and the women I speak with, see it very differently.  Women are struggling and deeply longing for balance, in ways men can't relate to.  Why?  Because women are still shouldering the majority of domestic responsibility, including child and elder care, while holding down jobs.  They are handling much more of the work inside the home, and they are connected viscerally and emotionally to their success (and perfectionism) as caregiver in different ways than men are. 

Women feel more angst and guilt about what they are doing or not doing.  Women are chronic "overfunctioners" - and men are not.  They beat themselves up for what they are not doing well enough, and for focusing on themselves and their careers rather than their family life.  Why is this? I believe it's about cultural training, expectations, role modeling, and a bit about hardwiring when it comes to women's emotions, brain functioning, values, needs, and instincts around caring for their children.

Balance for women doesn't mean inertia - it means knowing what you love, doing it, and not eating yourself alive with guilt about what you are aren't accomplishing when you're focus on one thing (work), not the other (family) and vice versa. 

Lack of balance is the most severe crisis of the 12 hidden crises women are facing.  The balance women striving for is not "a pie in the sky" dream - it's an essential component of a happy life - a sense of empowered equilibrium in which women are standing strong and stable on equal footing, giving priority to what they care about and love, without falling apart in the process.  If women have given up on that, then they'll fail at being happy.

2) "White Male Competitive Career" Model Is Breaking Women

Further, at the risk of alienating some of my male readers, as a women's advocate I must state this well-researched phenomenon - women's inability to achieve balance is made more challenging by the existing "white male competitive career model" in place today in corporate America. 

Basically, the model has been constructed with underlying assumptions that successful professionals must adhere to the following rules: 1) follow a linear career path (no off-ramping and on-ramping), 2) focus on "full time" and "face time", 3) commit most intensively to their career development in their 30s and 40s (when many women are having babies), and 4) feel motivated best and most by power and money.

These are generalizations, yes, but overall, there is strong evidence that the male competitive career model in American today is a complete misfit and damaging for women, and it needs to be shifted to embrace and honor women's needs and values (click here for suggested employer initiatives that will address this ill-fitted model for women). 

What can women do to address these crises, and experience more happiness?

This is not a quick fix - it's a breakthrough process that takes time, energy, and commitment, but it works.  When women take the following actions, they experience more happiness and fulfillment in their lives and work:

1)       Grow stronger in identifying what really matters to you, uniquely and specifically

2)       Tune out what others tell you (men and women) about how to live your life - be your own expert on your happiness.  Trust yourself.

3)       Honor your values and needs from an empowered stance at work and at home - step up and take charge of yourself. Stop making excuses.

4)       Evaluate your family situation realistically. Ask for (demand, if necessary) a more fair distribution of the domestic responsibility.

5)       Stop overfunctioning and let go of perfectionism - focus hard on want you care about deeply, and let go of perfectionism in what you don't care as much about.

6)       Speak up and take action to bring about shifts at home and at your place of work and in the existing career model, so that they embrace and honor your needs and values

7)       Identify what your "ideal" life looks and feels like. Get empowered outside help to create a success action plan, with concrete goals and outcomes, to achieve your life visions.

Say Yes! to your happiness.  You can do it!

There are 11 more crises women face today that men do not experience in the same way as women.  Crises for women are characterized by "I can't do this" thinking -  a negative mantra that keeps them sad, sick and stuck.  While men experience some of these same crises, women internalize and process them differently, and each of these crises prevents women's happiness. 

Here is a sampling of the 12 hidden crises of women today:

- Suffering from chronic health problems

Failing health--a chronic illness or ailment--that won't respond to treatment  

The mantra: "I can't resolve my health problems."

- Losing your "voice"   

Contending with a crippling inability to speak up--unable to be an advocate for yourself or others, for fear of criticism, rejection, or punishment

The mantra: "I can't speak up without being punished."

- Facing abuse or mistreatment 

Being treated badly, even intolerably, at work--and choosing to stay

The mantra: "I can't stop this cycle of mistreatment."

- Feeling trapped by financial fears

Remaining in a negative situation solely because of money

The mantra: "I can't get out of this financial trap."

- Wasting your real talents  

Realizing your work no longer fits and desperately wanting to use your natural talents and abilities

The mantra: "I can't use my real talents."

- Doing work you hate

Longing to reconnect with the "real you"--and do work you love

The mantra: "I can't do work that I love."

Be Your Own Happiness Expert - Take My Breakthrough Challenge!

Please take my challenge this month - Ask yourself, then 10 women and 10 men you know the following questions:

1)       How do you define "happiness?" 

2)       Are you experiencing happiness, by and large?

3)       If not, what gets in the way?

4)       If you are experiencing happiness on a regular basis, how do you achieve it?

Compare the answers between men and women, and let me know what you learn.

Key questions for the week - What do YOU think are the differences between men's and women's views and experiences of happiness?  How are men and women different in achieving happiness as they define it, and what does that difference mean to you?  Finally, how can women achieve more happiness in their lives? 

Please share your views!!  A diverse, open, and supportive dialogue is the first step to breakthrough.

As with any major shift occurring in the world, one person can't turn it around all by him/herself.  But each of us can have a direct and significant impact, and that impact reverberates and spreads.  Blog Action Day '09 asks us to take responsibility today, speak up, and spark a global discussion on climate change.  Join the discussion - add your voice!

Clearly, we are accountable for how we live our lives, for what we model for others and our children.  We are responsible for the core messages we send to our family, our community, and the world about what we value, support, and wish to protect and nurture. 

How each of us addresses this climate crisis is very similar to the ways in which we handle our own personal crises.

What's the best way to deal with any crisis?

1.                   Get out of denial - Admit we have a serious crisis on our hands, and take concrete action to address it.

2.                   Get accountable - Take responsibility for your own actions and do what you can. 

3.                   Treasure the good - Know what makes life worth living, and value and protect it.

4.                   Plan for the future  - Understand yourself and the far-reaching implications of your actions.  Think about the future and what you want to build and leave behind, not just of the present.

5.                   Commit to being the change you want to see - Step up, and realize that even one new promise or decisive action can create a shift and make all the difference.

In my family of four (with two school-aged children), we focus on doing what we can to contribute to slowing climate change.  We use less energy, and cut down on waste.  We turn off lights, appliances, and computers that aren't in use.  We've reduced our driving, and commit to carpooling wherever possible.  We recycle, use energy efficient appliances, support locally grown food, keep the temperature in our house a few degrees lower, properly insulate our home and heater, and take shorter showers and fewer baths. 

Another way we contribute to facilitating positive change is by supporting political candidates who care deeply about this issue, and who are 100% committed to enacting policies, laws, and endeavors that will reduce greenhouse gas emissions.  Most importantly, we discuss the issue openly with our children and explore what new things they and their generation can do to help.

I hope people will continue to find their own ways to create breakthrough in how they address this serious crisis.  In dealing with climate change, as in handling our personal crises, failing to understand that we've co-created the problem and need to shift our behavior, is simply playing the victim.  That type of thinking, as we've learned, will never get us where we need and want to go.

For me, participating in this action day has spurred me to step up my commitment (for one, I will stop using plastic bags for shopping, starting today).

What one step can you take today to step up your commitment?

Thank you for sharing your voice and participating.  Wishing our world many powerful breakthroughs.

Running a coaching and consulting company dedicated to helping women achieve breakthrough in their lives and work, I meet thousands of folks each year who want to reinvent, many of whom are considering launching a coaching or consulting practice, or other small business of their own.  They long to transition into coaching for solid reasons, and many come with great, top-level experience. 

As a career consultant, I help people evaluate if launching a coaching practice or other venture seems a viable step for them first by conducting a thorough assessment of their goals, abilities, preferences, personality, values, mission, purpose, and long-term plans.  As my book publicist Patti Danos asked me when I was launching my book Breakdown, Breakthrough, I ask my clients, "What do you want, and what do you really want, in doing this?"

After such an assessment, I have often recommended in the past, "Looks like it makes sense at this time to move forward, and that you've got a strong grasp of what's required.  Go for it!" 

Now, however, in these intensely challenging times, I ask this new question, "Are you ready and able to do what it takes to make this successful? Are you 3000% committed?"

About becoming a coach, the average income of a life coach in the U.S. today is between $30,000 - $40,000.  Only 10% to 20% or so make six-figure incomes, and many more life coaches don't make anywhere near $30,000.  It's not an easy path, and clients simply will not fall in your lap.  Success requires time, action, commitment, and a good number of top level skills to differentiate yourself, and to generate a large enough community to continue to fill your pipeline of paying clients.

A coach from the largest coaching organization in the world told me last week that of all the folks that reach out to them to pursue coaching, only 40% are truly "coachable," and of those, only 30% end up signing up for services.  Those stats apply to my business as well.

I realized this week something that feels like a real "aha" to me - coaching is for a group or culture that is at the highest level of Maslow's hierarchy of needs - the level of self-actualization.  Today, however, our economic strife has pushed millions of people us down several levels of the hierarchy - to the level of "safety" -- so that their primary focus now is on financial safety and security. 

If you're interested in starting a practice/business as a life coach during these times, I'd ask you to seriously evaluate yourself, your abilities and talents, your passion for this, and your commitment to launching and maintaining a thriving practice/business.  These questions apply to you if you're considering any entrepreneurial, small business, or consulting endeavor as well:

Ask yourself the following questions:

·         What must I earn each year, to achieve the standard of living I need?  What have I earned before (and if I want to top that, what will I do differently)?

·         What's my risk tolerance?  Can I tolerate a lack of stability, fluidity, and security?

·         What is my relationship with money today?  How do I deal with it, earn it, save it, invest it and grow it?  Are my actions around money, and feelings, and views powerful and healthy?  Are you committed to making the living you want?

·         What is motivating me - consciously and subconsciously - to want to be a life coach?  Is there anything I'm running from that I need to address first?

·         If I do everything I can to make my practice work for three to five years, and $30,000 remains my income, will this be acceptable and viable for my life and family?  If not, what will be my plan to grow myself, my knowledge and skill set -- to be part of the minority segment of high-earners in the coaching field?

·         Do I have the abilities, courage, confidence, perseverance and commitment to undertake all the facets of running a thriving practice/business, including: client development, networking, social media, marketing, branding, speaking, workshops, writing, business and financial leadership, and providing top-notch client services - all in one?  If not, where will I get support, learn new skills, and how will I fund this growth?

·         Am I able to figure out what I don't know or what I'm not good at, and get help all along the way to fill in my knowledge, power, and business gaps?

·         Are you ready to give up a "build it and they will come" mentality, and step up to what it takes to run a successful business/practice?

·         Finally, what are you looking for - a job or a calling?

I ask you to address these questions not to discourage you from following your dreams, but to present a realistic picture of what's essential in running a successful business today.  If you conduct a deep exploration of your answers to these questions and come up ready to move forward to pursue life coaching as your career, fantastic!!  If not, then perhaps other avenues and outcomes of career reinvention are more suited to you, and will make you happier and more fulfilled.

If you do wish to move forward into life coaching, I'd say it's time for you to explore it further and embrace the possibility. 

Here are some first great steps:

1)       Research, research, research what it will take (start first with the International Coach Federation) and explore training programs, resources, and other coaches' businesses and models.  Find a successful life coach to hire who could serve as your mentor business coach.  My specific tip here: Use a business coach who has already achieved what you long to.  (For info on the difference between a "mentor" coach and an "implementation" coach, stayed tuned to my upcoming posts.)

2)       Get powerful with your money today - don't wait.  Gain a thorough grasp of your financial situation - what you need to earn, what you spend, what you can cut back on, how you will fund your reinvention, and so on.  Get a great financial consultant to help you sort out your situation, and set realistic, stretching goals.  Get out of denial, and get powerful with your finances.

3)       "Go where the energy is" - observe yourself in the process of exploring this path.  Does it feel exciting, energizing, enlivening, or daunting and discouraging?  For you to make a go of this, the predominant feeling needs to be excitement, possibility, and passion.

4)       Receive training and education  - nothing moves us forward faster than powerful training and education to help us be and know more than we do today.  Don't skip that step.  Coaching training and business skill development are absolutely vital to teach you how to be the best coach, and business owner, you can be.

5)       Develop a sound business plan with concrete marketing strategies.  Find a great non-profit organization (such as SCORE the Women's Business Development Center, or Count Me In) in your area, to help you create powerful business and marketing tactics, and a plan, to make your endeavor successful.

6)       Finally, take my four steps to breakthrough:

-          Step Back for an empowered outside perspective on where you are, and what you dream of doing

-          Let Go of the thinking, behaviors, and patterns that have been keeping you stuck and holding you back in the past

-          Say Yes! to your compelling visions.  If you really want to do this, then commit yourself 3000% to doing what it takes to be successful.

-          Create It!  Develop a solid plan, complete with goals, outcomes, and milestones against which to measure your progress.  If you don't plan it, you'll have a very tough time creating it, or generating the necessary energy you need to build it.

For added support, sign up for my newsletters and my blog on career and life breakthrough to give you some ongoing assistance and resources.

Life coaching is a fabulously exciting and rewarding field.  Here's to embracing your inner (and outer) coach, and being financially and emotional successful doing it!

In speaking today with my fabulous digital strategy mentor Nettie Hartsock, we stumbled on an interesting concept, which is this...in the digital world, it's all about open contributing and sharing generously, giving of yourself freely.  It's also about shining a light on others -- pointing to the special brilliance and contribution of other colleagues and leading edge thinkers in a way that sustains and nurtures community, connection, learning and the global growth.

The underlying problem with this whole approach for so many small business owners, creatives, authors, consultants and entrepreneurs, is that this idea - this "movement," shall we say -- can feel in total opposition to how we've operated for years.  Giving of ourselves freely (without asking for or commanding money for own gifts, talents, and services), and pointing to the distinguished talents of others, can feel in sharp contrast to the ways we've achieved success (financial, emotional, and otherwise) in the past.  After all, our cultural worldview has, up until now, been about the individual hacking it out in the wilderness, and coming up with the bounty all by him/herself.

Thousands of individuals today have achieved fantastic results and accomplishments because of their intense and relentless focus on self - what they offer the world individually and uniquely that no one else can.  So the idea of a shift from a self-orientation to a community-orientation can be daunting, scary and confusing.  Giving away for free what folks have spent years honing and developing - the very thing that makes them different and sets them apart -- seems counterintuitive, or bad business, to many. 

Further, the ego - the part of the personality equation that is so often helpful in launching yourself powerfully in the world - can feel very threatened when we're being asked to shift away from self-centric endeavors to community-building endeavors.

As a business owner who helps other business owners, practitioners, authors, professionals, etc. make money doing what they love, I know that balance is essential to a passionate, powerful, and purposeful life and career.  Balance in all areas is vitally important - balance between work and family, between making great money and doing good in the world, AND balance between gratifying and sustaining your ego/individuality/self and supporting the growth of the world outside yourself.

These are not mutually exclusive endeavors, of course, though they can feel like they are.  People say to me, "I don't have one second to waste in my business.  Times are so hard.  I don't have time to blog and tweet and follow others.  I need to go out and make some money here!"

But finding a way to contribute openheartedly to the world WHILE sustaining and nurturing the self in a bountiful way is the key to a well-lived life and a successful business/career.

So to those who ask themselves, "Do I really have to participate in this online movement to grow my business?" I say this - giving and sharing of yourself - of your special knowledge, perspective, and wisdom -- gratifies your soul and also directly benefits your business and your career.  The return on investment (yes, that dreaded measure!) is clear.  Give of yourself generously to the world, and you will earn financial and emotional success in return.

As you develop your community through generous giving of yourself and to others, you build a tremendously powerful network of like-minded partners and supporters in this world - people who find what you have to offer extremely valuable and will share that knowledge with others. These supporters will help you grow your business endeavors by connecting you with new and wonderful folks who will gladly utilize (and pay for) your products, services and special talents, for the greater good of all involved.

Don't trust me?  Take my challenge:

Kathy's challenge:  For three months, participate more fully (in specific, concrete ways) in the social media movement.  Create a blog, share a newsletter, complete your LinkedIn profile, ask for recommendations on LinkedIn and give others a great recommendation, tweet about others' fantastically interesting viewpoints - share freely and openly your wisdom and perspective. (Here are mine, for some samples: blog, newsletter, LinkedIn profile, Twitter). 

Then measure what you get in return.  If you don't see a return that blows your mind, let me know.  I'll send you a free copy of my book Breakdown Breakthrough if you take my challenge.  Write to Kathy@elliacommunications.com to participate and for details.

"See" you soon!

I've spent years developing a spiritual life that is both deeply meaningful and practically useful to me in my life and work.  This was no easy feat for me.  I had to cast off all the religious doctrine and dogma that was thrust on me as a child.  All of it left me feeling that organized religion espouses concepts that are, in many cases, antithetical to a true understanding of divinity and spirituality.  Organized religion is often so way off-base -  pushing us toward negative and personally diminishing beliefs that are in total opposition to what (I believe) God or Love truly represent.

In my quest for a spiritual life that works for my day-to-day life too, I found myself taking a very large and long detour, falling into the trap of believing that positive, spiritual thinking and a shift in energetic "vibration" would get me out of my troubles.  So here's what I've learned.  If you want real life change, start with positive thinking but proceed with action.

The Law of Attraction means "like attracts like" - your positive (or negative) energy and thoughts will attract more of same.  But understanding that is not enough to turn your life around.  Trust me on this one.

If this resonates, I hope you'll read on.  Here are several excerpts from my book Breakdown, Breakthrough (from Chapters 14 and 15) on what it takes to develop a rich, purposeful and authentic spiritual life that works for you:

(From Breakdown Breakthrough, Chapter 15 - Doing Work and Play You Love)

Relax, It's Not All Up to You

Many of us were raised with the American ethic of personal achievement and the need to conquer. We were given the notion that it's up to each of us, individually and solely, to hack out the life we want, sometimes crushing others (and ourselves) to get it. After many years of struggle and despair, Laura discovered that her life wasn't all up to her.

She found more powerful help--her belief in a higher power, a universal energy that connects her with herself and the world around her. This energy elevates her above her individual capabilities and knowledge. Laura accessed her higher power by going inward, listening quietly and patiently to hear her soul speaking.

Others find their higher power through religion, spirituality, healing, energy work, meditation, praying, or serving others. I've found my connection to a higher power by casting off all of the rigid doctrine I was taught that felt false. I reconstructed a working concept of spirituality that feels right.

I believe in an all-loving universal energy that flows through and connects of us. Some call it God, others call it Love. Whatever you call it, if you connect with your higher power in a way that resonates for you, life changes. When you hear the sound of your own soul whispering to you, you'll know it in a second. There will be no doubt. You will be changed by the love, tolerance, lightness, optimism, and surety that you hear there, inside of you.

It doesn't matter whether you choose to meditate during your train commute, take walks, garden, do yoga, sit on the beach, rest in a sanctuary, or write to your angels. What's critical is that you find a way to quiet your mind, soothe your body, and tap into your vast inner knowledge and power, daily. But accessing it isn't enough. Once you hear your inner wisdom, follow it, and act boldly.

(From Breakdown, Breakthrough, Chapter 14 - Balancing Life and Work)

Get Help from Others and Your Higher Self

Coaching and energy healing helped Karen get in touch with her spiritual side in a life changing way. She found help from her coach and healer, as well as from her spiritual voice and practices. These aids grounded her in a new reality of calm, balance, and acceptance.

Many women find strength and solace by getting in closer touch with their spiritual being. There are many helpful ways to find your spiritual self. Spiritual beliefs and practices that connect you more fully to yourself, enhance your self-respect and compassion for others, help you feel your own power and divinity, and appreciate the vastness of human experience are highly beneficial.

But many of us were taught religious beliefs that hold us back and simply don't ring true. I know I was. And I threw the baby out with the bathwater. If this statement strikes a chord, I encourage you to seek out new spiritual beliefs and practices that feel right to you. Keep the baby! Find a way to connect to your spiritual side, and to something more expansive than your individual self. Doing so brings great perspective and peace of mind.

When I began to search for spiritual concepts that would bolster rather than frustrate me, I found a fascinating book, Conversations with God, by Neale Donald Walsch. I devoured it in one night. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was home. I finally read in print spiritual ideas that feel right, beautiful, loving, and true. I was overjoyed.
 
Since then, I have continued to build spiritual beliefs that support and nourish me. Connecting to your spiritual side, hearing your inner voice, and living from the knowledge you receive will get you closer to your values and priorities, soothe you, and set you in a positive direction with courage and power.

*  *  *  *  *

Now here's the rub - concepts such as The Law of Attraction as described in The Secret, or even those from my beloved Abraham-Hicks group (who've written many powerful books such as Ask and It is Given), can be totally misconstrued, and when they are, these concepts -- and living by them as your exclusive guiding force -- can be very damaging to your life.

Why? Because you can be lulled into inaction and a false sense of security by believing that just changing your thinking or making key vibrational adjustments is enough to generate the results you want and need to see your life.

I'm here to tell you - it's simply not true.  The Law of Attraction isn't going to bring you want you want, unless you take empowered action - focused, commitment, growth-inducing ACTION.  Sitting on your couch eating bonbons while engaged in positive thinking (or continuing to do what isn't working and expecting different results) is a recipe for disaster.

If "The Secret" isn't working for you - if you're still struggling, stuck, desperate, confused, overwhelmed, the answer isn't for you to keep doing what you've been done.  Einstein said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results.  Yes!  The answer out of your problems is to get help, shed what is keeping you stuck, and then take action - different and more empowered and focused action than you've ever taken before.

Positive thinking, the law of attraction, and the Secret - it's a start, to get you believing in yourself, in your future visions and what you dream for life and work.  But if you want external positive results in your life, it's time to step up and reclaim your life with action.

Question of the week: What one action can and will you take this week to step up to the life that's waiting for you?  Please share!

People ask me all the time, "Is now really the time to consider making big changes in my life, or reinventing?"  I say YES!  Crisis times like these are the perfect time to reinvent.  They push you to purify, shed what holds you back, and embrace what you want most in life.  Why?  Because so much of what you are experiencing today isn't working for you, that you finally get it - you wake up to recognizing  that you simply can't go on like this any longer.
 
But to generate positive change in your life and career, you've got to take action.  It's work to make life and career change - both inner and outer work - and if you're ready and committed to doing it, your life will most assuredly change for the better.
 
I've helped hundreds of people change careers, reinvent, start new businesses, apply their creative gifts to their careers, improve their relationships, gain empowerment in their current situation, and do more of what they love and less of what they hate to do in life and work.  The one common ingredient in all of these folks who are successful in making change is a deep and ongoing commitment to making their lives better and happier.
 
There are six vitally important steps to moving away from what you hate towards what you love:
 
1. Understanding What You Want
This is not an easy task, but it's essential.  Understanding what you want in life requires a thorough review of your whole life and career, teasing out for exploration and discovery all the experiences you had in your life in which you felt fully alive, passionate, powerful, appreciated, recognized  - in the flow - knowing why you are on the planet now.  You need clarity about where you want to go, and this clarity comes from recognizing when you've been your "highest and best" self, the most joyful version of you.
 
Then, it takes figuring out how you can bring more of these experiences into your life today - developing a new empowered mindset, and applying your special skills, talents, and abilities in the world, and making MONEY doing it.  It takes figuring out if you want a job or a calling, and also what you want in your life as a professional endeavor vs. an avocational experience.
 
Download my Career Path Assessment on my Ellia Communications website for a great start, or write me for a free 30-minute coaching strategy session to help you gain clarity on the "essence" of what you want vs. the right "form" of it for you and your life (and your marriage, family, financial situation, long-term plans, etc.)
 
2. Research, research, and research what you might want to do differently in your career and life.  After you've analyzed what it will take, determine your readiness to move forward.  Make a decision to commit to doing what's necessary to bring into your life what you want
 
3. Stretch yourself and power up - start being more powerful in your life today, wherever you can.  Speak up where you need to, enforce your boundaries where they're being crushed, and stop being the "victim" to outside circumstances.  Start being accountable for how things are, and for changing them.
 
4. Become incredibly powerful around money and develop a business/marketing mindset (forget about a "build it and they will come" attitude - that doesn't make a new business or venture successful).  As Tony Robbins says (I love it!) - don't look at your life or career with rose-colored glasses.  See it for what it is, but don't see it worse than it is.  Then TAKE ACTION!
 
5. Get help/be teachable at all times - Reach out and ask for help now, and all along the way.  We all have gaps in our knowledge and skill-sets. Learn to recognize when help is required, and get it.
 
6. Finally uncover what's really holding you back from making the life and career change you want most.
 
Most often, it's an internal block in the form of the "stories" you've been telling yourself all your life, about your worth, abilities, who you really are, and what you can ultimately achieve.
 
Typical blocks fall into these key areas:
• I'm afraid to step up
• I'm not good/smart/strong enough to do this
• Who will want really want me/this?
• Selling is terrible - I hate to sell (myself and my services)
• It's a lot of work
• I haven't succeeded at this before - why would I now?
• I don't know how to make money doing what I love (and there's no way I can)
 
Which "story" are you telling yourself about moving forward to embracing doing more of what you love, and less of what you hate?
 
YOU CAN DO IT!  Get empowered help today to gain clarity, focus, and create a plan to reinvent your life or work.
 
Check out my book Breakdown Breakthrough and my four month, four step Achieve Your Life Breakthrough! Program to start you on your way to breakthrough.
 
Change in life will happen, whether you act or not.  The question is, "Do you want to progress and grow, and be more successful and fulfilled through life change, or not?"  If you do, then you must take conscious and directed action: clarify exactly want you want, and create a concrete plan to achieve your goals.
 
Please take one step today from the list above to start you on your way to breakthrough.